Post # 1
I will share an update for anyone who probably didn’t read my 12 threads about hating my in laws. This will probably be read by no one anyways so oh well. If you would like to catch yourself up you can, check here and here.
So for a quick recaps we have been living in a home my Future In-Laws own and in April the roof started leaking. They chose not to fix the roof because they didn’t want to pay the money for it. Instead of talking to us they talked poorly about us to Future Sister-In-Law. She came over one night spouting about us not paying our rent and how we basically live in this house for free which is NOT true. It escalated into us sleeping in the living room for the last 2 months and our bed having mold grow on it because it was leaking so bad in our bedroom. We have been very angry with them and I have not spoken to his sister since the incident and I spoke to his mom once when she ambushed me at a grad party. It’s been unpleasant to say the least.
My SO’s dad stops into our yard quite often because have multiple sheds that house his tractors and other farming equipment. I haven’t spoken to my SO’s father very often since this all happened either. I pretty much shut down and allowed my SO to do all of the talking because I knew that if I spoke to anyone my words would be more harsh then was necessary. We have had a lot of fights over this as well. Anyways, his dad knocked on the door but I did not hear him so I ran outside to see what he wanted.
We started chit chatting about small things and then I inquired about the new “renters’ that ambushed us the other night. These people thought they were moving in soon and have ended their lease with their apt building so they wanted to take a look around. We had zero warning. I asked what the story was with them (even though I knew since SO had talked to Future Father-In-Law about it) and this sequayed into a long drawn out conversation where I finally let all of my feelings out.
It was much easier to be nice to him and not yell then it would have been to do with Future Mother-In-Law. I was calm except for when I cried but I think he really understood where I was coming from. I clarified that we were upset over the lack of communication they had with us and how Future Sister-In-Law belittled us for things she knew nothing about. I also figured out that they had ZERO idea that we were even upset and that SO has not been making himself very clear. I reiterated that the way they are communicating with us is not working and that they need to be much more clear about what they want.
I nearly made him cry you guys. He honestly felt so bad and was sincerely sad that this went the way it did. I think the fact that I said it felt like they cared less about us over Future Sister-In-Law (which is a reoccurring theme) was something he took to heart. I feel so much better that we were able to discuss all of these issues and I think I finally clarified how the two of us were feeling. I’m positive he’s going to go home and tell Future Mother-In-Law all about it because he said she’s very upset that her and I are not speaking but I know she doesn’t understand why.
I also told him that I didn’t feel I could be honest with neither Future Mother-In-Law or Future Sister-In-Law about all of this because I thought it would create more problems then it would fix because they are both very stubborn. I have texted Future Sister-In-Law in a few times about meeting to have a talk but I haven’t set a time or date because of these worries. What should I do now? I said I was frustrated that Future Mother-In-Law never comes over to talk but always wants us to go over there. We are literally a mile apart but I feel uncomfortable in their home now. I’m worried about how this is all going to pan out and if things will be repaired or if they are forever ruined. What do I say when I finally do talk to them?
Post # 3
@MsBrooklynA: First, why on earth do you want to leave WB. PM me if you need to talk because I for one would really like if you stayed.
Secondly, I am really glad that you talked with your Future Father-In-Law and got everything all worked out with him. I am sure it is a weight off you and FI’s shoulders now. I think it is commendable that you are reaching out to Future Sister-In-Law about meeting up to talk things out. I think that is a wonderful idea and what better way to start over with a hot cup of coffee and kind words? I wish you luck hun and please don’t go. I read your posts lol.
Post # 4
I am so glad you got it off your chest! I would start by talking to Future Mother-In-Law before sitting down with Future Sister-In-Law. It sounds like Future Father-In-Law undesrtands where you are coming from and that is great. Could you and SO meet with Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law and all discuss it?
If it were me I would feel a lot more comfortable approaching Future Sister-In-Law with SO along with me but I guess that depends on your relationship with her as well as his relationship with her.
Post # 5
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: I guess I’m just having one of those weeks where I’ve written like 5 posts and no one responds and I offer my advice or help in a thread and people glaze right over me. I just feel like I’m not even welcome here. I’m sure I’m overreacting. Thanks for reading my posts. I’m usually sure no one does.
I just don’t even know what to say to her though. She still needs to apologize for lieing about us but beyond that she is so stubborn that I’m having a hard time wording what I want to say without thinking she’s just going to tell me I’m wrong. How do you converse with someone who is never wrong?
@MissTatas:I would think he would come with. I used to be really really close to her and we would talk all the time and I would visit her alone and hang out. Now I feel so uncomfortable around her. I worry that she’s going to totally take his sisters side and I feel like she should apologize for all of the hurtful words she has said against us. I’m so frustrated with her actions but I don’t know if it will ever go back to the way it aws.
Post # 6
@MsBrooklynA: I’m so sorry this drama with your inlaws just keeps going 🙁 I really hope for your sake something changes very soon- you should not have to deal with it forever! NOT saying you should leave your Fiance, I believe you were once considering it over their BS! It is good that you talked to Future Father-In-Law though, and that he was sincere- that is a small step. Now on to the next one-
Maybe you should write them a letter. You are good at writing how you are feeling and why, and this way you can organize your thoughts and get everything you want them to know down. This way there will be no yelling and getting off topic, nothing you will have forgotten to say and will obsess over after the convo.
* and I completely understand about being ignored- I seriously feel like maybe my posts aren’t even visible to other people . I feel like most every time I post on here it is completely ignored. I almost never get a response anymore:( I spend at least an hour a day on here 5/7 days of the week, but rarely post anymore b/c of this .
Post # 7
@MsBrooklynA: First off, I would miss you if you left. Maybe people have been having a sporadic WB week? I know I haven’t been on much this week and am out of the loop on much that has been going on.
On another note I’m happy that you and your Future Father-In-Law were able to have a heart to heart and hash out your feelings. Hopefully this will be an opening for positive growth between you and your Future In-Laws. If you feel uncomfortable going over to FMILs house could you ask her to meet you for lunch somewhere? This would put you both in a neutral atmosphere and allow you to do some bonding. If Father-In-Law tells her everything you said she might end up feeling uncomfortable in your home as well since she might no longer know where you stand.
I hope everything goes ok! Keep us updated.
ETA: I also wanted to mention that I think a lot of bees read posts and don’t comment because they just don’t know what to say. I know that sometimes I don’t post if I feel like I can’t add anything to make them feel better.
Post # 8
@MsBrooklynA:aww dont leave I would miss you. having the talk with him was the frist step hopefully he will push your Future Mother-In-Law into saying she is sorry and you guys can try to get back to the way things were. I know how you feel about being ignored it happens to me alot and makes me not even want to bother replying or posting sometimes
I feel like you have to be a heavy poster or have something catchy in your post title to get people to reply. It might just be me but thats the impression I get sometimes
Post # 9
@MsBrooklynA: I feel the same way on weddingbee sometimes. Posts get ignored or people don’t know how to respond.
Anyways, I think it’s great you were able to discuss this and you two connected!
Post # 10
@MsBrooklynA: People glaze over me all the time. I just let it go. Sometimes. Sometimes I feel sad, but there’s not much I can do.
That aside, I’ve been reading your story, but had no idea what to say. All I can say now is that I am glad this has come into the light. I’m glad you could tell him what was really on your mind. Hopefully this will bridge a gap in your relationship.
As for the other renters, tell them the place is haunted and the roof is leaky. They definitely should look for another place. Push for the haunted angle. And that mean ghosts that scream at you. And that they move stuff around. And it’s creepy. But that they only yell at visitors and never at you.
Post # 11
I’m glad you were able to talk to your Future Father-In-Law so openly and really discuss how you felt. And bonus points for doing so rationally. Hopefully this will be the step in the right direction in terms of improved communication between you guys. Seems like your Future Father-In-Law really honestly cares for you both.
And you know you can always PM me! 🙂 I know I”m guilty of reading without commenting. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say. So please don’t think you’re outright being ignored.
Post # 12
I’m so used to being ignored (in larger threads) I actually get excited when someone responds to me…lol.
As for your in law situation I had read the previous posts but was hoping you had found a new place to live. I am glad you had the heart to heart with Future Father-In-Law. I am sure it wasn’t easy, but I honestly believe that whether the situation with them gets better or worse, you will feel better for at least knowing you made them understand how hurt you are by their actions or lack thereof. Not fixing the roof is one thing, making you feel like it wasn’t necessary is another. I hope that things will improve between you in the future.
Post # 13
@MsBrooklynA: I’m glad you were able to talk to your Future Father-In-Law and work some things out, hopefully things will be better.
As for WB, please don’t leave, I know the feeling of being ignored, and I agree with @miss sparkly cat:, but we’ll miss you.
Post # 14
@MsBrooklynA: Dude…you can’t leave! I pay attention, but honestly have only been back on the bee for the last week or so, so I didn’t have any idea about your other posts… I must have missed them somehow!
Sorry you’ve been dealing with this and are still dealing. But I am glad that you were at least able to have a civil convo with Future Father-In-Law. Maybe he’ll share with Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law how much this has affected you and they will come around (wishful thinking?) But I really, really do hope that things improve for you.
P.S. Don’t leave, and don’t get down on yourself. We all feel the same way at one point or another. Promise.