coolwater17 : OMG, same! I don’t “belong” anywhere. I am definitely looked at with contempt from the “real” moms, but the CFBC don’t want me around because I do help raise 2 children who aren’t mine. I feel many CFBC are uncomfortable around kids or downright don’t like children. That’s not me, I just never had any children of my own, but I don’t hate them. I like children.
You have to realize at my age the majority of men are divorced and have children. If it doesn’t work out with your current CFBC spouse and you’re in your late 30s/40s it will be very difficult to find men without children. Obviously not impossible, but it will be hard. Im mid 40s and have no children of my own. I didn’t want children for most of my life and when I got around 38 I kinda did, but because my prior boyfriend had 2 children he didn’t want any more and I was ok with it because I got to help raise his children. I lived with them from when they were 8 and 10 until they were 14 and 16. We broke up and it sucked, all that time, work, love, tears, and I never hear from them.
Then I met my current boyfriend and he has 2 children 8 and 10. So I literally have to do it all over again. I love them, they love me, but it’s a LOT of work. We have them a little more than 50% and I have to do everything a ‘real’ mom does, but get none of the credit and less of the ‘good’ parts. I have the discipline, homework help, making lunches, doing laundry, hearing them fight, cleaning up, making them bathe, making dinner, shopping, taking them to religion and practice and games, tucking them in, it goes on and on. But Im not a ‘mom’ and I’m not CFBC. Its literally all the worst parts of parenting without all the really cool parts.
It was a REALLY hard decision if I wanted to get involved with him after already doing it for 6 years and literally starting all over and doing it ALL OVER. I decided this man, my boyfriend, is worth it. He is literally perfect for me. He is drop dead gorgeous, we have the same world views, he is kind, generous, and has the same ideals and wants the same relationship I want. He puts up with me, he has an amazing job and no debt and secure retirement and savings, he is loyal, he’s just such a good person, we have the same interests, he is so perfect for me. I got to know him before meeting the children and he is so worth it, and the children are worth it. They are great kids and they deserve the woman he is with to love them and treat them well. They’ll get older and move on and I will have this amazing man for the rest of my life.
The thing is, the values and ideas about a relationship that I want, the life I want, is with a man who has “family values” so generally the men who I am interested in, who want the same type of life I want, who have the same ideals I have, are “family men”. And again its my age, at mid 40 most men are going to have children.