Post # 1
I dated a guy for about 6 months and we recently broke up for a number of reasons. From what I’ve heard about bipolar disorder, he seems to display many of the same qualities and characteristics. It’s almost like he has two different personalities – on one hand, he’s charming, sweet, driven, romantic, hilarious, and full of life; and on the other, he’s standoffish, depressed, lazy, and completely disappears with no contact for days at a time. I felt like I could never get a good grip on him and what he was thinking and feeling, and the “standoffish” episodes were totally random, so random that I never could see them coming (not sparked by a particular event). I started to notice his behavior forming a pattern where he loved me and wanted me around and couldn’t get enough of me, and then a few weeks or months later he wanted nothing to do with me. I tried asking him what I did to make him want to run away from me, and he would always tell me it had “nothing to do with” me, “you’re beautiful and perfect”, “these are my problems”, etc.
For the bees who have been involved romantically with someone who is bipolar, does any of this behavior sound familiar? This break-up has been difficult for me to move on from, mostly because I never understood him and what triggered him to become cold and standoffish towards me. I need to understand him better so it will be easier for me to move on.
This topic was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by PinkCat.
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
PinkCat: Sorry you are having a rough time. Yes, my ex husband was like that and it does come in what I called “waves”. He had ups for weeks, then downs for weeks and it seemed to be consistant over the years. On top of him suffering from PTSD from the war in the army and also diagnosed as suffering double depression (along with the bipolar), it really took a toll on our relationship and marriage. He ended up saying he really wanted to be the husband I deserved but he just cant do it. He refused to take any meds.
It really takes a toll on you, personally, but you truly have to believe it is NOT you. It’s a mental disorder that they don’t know how to deal with unless they seek counseling and medication.
Post # 3
I have Bipolar Disorder and I find his standoffish/pushing you away a bit weird. I don’t think that’s part of the disorder… It may just be that he doesn’t want you to see him like that? During my worst depressive episodes the only person I want to be around is my SO and I don’t want to be alone at all, so I find it strange.
Post # 4
I went through this with my ex, and I am so glad to be out of that situation to be honest. It sounds like he wasn’t managing it, as was the case with my ex. It was not you that was the issue, as in my case it was not me.
Yet in the end it was me wondering if I was mentally okay, as I felt like I was on a constant emotional roller coaster. It is completely exhausting to be totally at the whim of someone elses moods. I know I had no impact on or control over how he was feeling, I just wore the brunt and the fall out of it.
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, leaving him. But after crying pretty much twice a week for years with him, I’ve cried ONCE since I left him almost 12 months ago. The first few months after leaving were hard, I thought I still loved him and I was worried about his mental state and that he might potentially harm himself.
I got through the leaving stage, and now I am with an amazing man and the good times are all the time, not just for a period followed by crushing lows. You will get through this.
ETA: I should say, the issue was not the mental illness as such, it was my ex’s lack of addressing his issues. Had he been willing to seek medical help, then that may have been the difference.
Post # 5
I dated a guy with bipolar disorder and he was a wreck, really messed up but that’s because he refused to get any help. So many people, including complete strangers, have told him he needs help and no one can get him help. Not even his own family!! If you even thought of mentioning going to a therapist he would think you were the oroblem. He was very arrogant, cocky, lacked any empathy, was scary at times, threatened violence but never hit me, he did hit other men though when he would get drunk, he was a drug adfict, mainly Marijuana but when alcohol was involved he was a very emotionally and physically unstable person. Not everyone with bipolar is like him. In fact, he could be in a class all his own because I think he also had split personality disorder and addiction issues. If a person with bipolar is willing to seek treatment then I would give them a chance and a lot of credit. But if they’re not going to go to therapy, no way in hell would I ever date someone like that again. He was a nightmare and then he stalked me afterwards. He made some pretty life threatening statements also. So my advice, be careful but always listen to your intuition. The only good thing that came out of dating him was I learned a lot about who I never want to be with. Luckily I only had the lesson of learning for 2 yrs. Then it was enough. The funny thing is he was so nice in the beginning, about 7 months. It was a front, only able to maintain for so long.
Post # 6
PorcelainBelle: I thought it was weird too, and the first few times it happened I just KNEW it had something to do with what I did, or something I said. I begged him to please tell me what I did wrong and he could never give me an answer. It always had nothing to do with me.
The best way to sum it all up is he always acted like there was a problem, (I’m referring to his standoffish behavior and running away) but could never produce an answer as to what the problem was. Always insisting that none of it was my fault. Then, weeks later he would come back and his excuse for all of that was “I was going through a bad time.”
Post # 7
Honestly, I don’t usually advocate taking medication for depression or anxiety but in the case of Bipolar Disorder, I don’t see an issue with it. It’s just a chemical imbalance in the brain and nothing anyone says or does is going to fix that. I would try to have a chat with your SO and try to get him to see a Psychiatrist… It was the BEST thing I ever did.
Post # 8
I did for about 7 months and truthfully it was not good for me. I couldn’t hang. He lashed out a lot and I took all his negative swings on as my own. He threatened suicide a lot then would say he didn’t mean it. He was unwilling to do therapy so I bailed. He just ordered his prescription online from India and that wasn’t enough for me. He was dealt an awful hand and I will never judge him for that, but I couldn’t handle it. I have never felt such relief as when I finally broke up with him. That’s how I know I made the right decision.
Post # 9
My Fiance is bipolar and that is exactly what he is like when he isn’t on meds. His meds are adjusted now and he is much better but we had maybe 2 years like that
He just gets really excited and loving and movtivated, very inspiring and fun to be around but something will happen, maybe something small and BAM!-its like his world flips upside down. Then he pushes me away and gets very depressed, lazy, can be mean, at times he would try and break up with me basically but I sort of had to bring him back to reality that this is an episode not his feelings all the time.
this isn’t healthy for either of you, you shouldn’t have to take the butt of his emotion and he shouldn’t be dealing with all of this alone. First, does he have a doctor, does he take meds, does he have a therapist? If not those things need to happen no matter what.
Its important to remember that its a disease/medical condition and I have a medical thing (genetic) that my Fiance has always stood with me through no matter how hard and that helped me realize how strong I could be when he needed me. 2nd, if he shows no interest in getting better or doesn’t care that he is mean to you then you need to leave. Don’t get me wrong Fiance is better now but he still has a bad day or two and he always will, but I know that about him and have made the commitment to handling it. If that isn’t something you think you can do with how he is…well then thats your answer.
Post # 10
I can tell you right now that’s not bipolar. A lot of people seem to think that the second you show any sign of sadness or happiness or they’re in a weird mood, they’ve definitely got bipolar! That sounds to me like he’s a sociopath. I have a LOT of experience with them. I have bipolar myself and can honestly say that half of the things you wrote make no sense to me. Sociopath for sure.
Post # 11
Fiance is bipolar…diagnosed at 19 and has never taken meds. We have been together 12 years and it has been rough to say the least. He is what they call rapid cycling with hypo-manic episodes. He never reaches psychosis….but definitely becomes paranoid and a touch delusional. After 12 years I have his cycles down. He hits euphoria super happy, affection, charming, fun…then be comes more sexual, task focused but all over the place…..starts buying things as he gets more agitated. Until the euphoria starts going away and then he’s left with agitated paranoid….wanting to argue fixation on things and making them huge fights….yelling….then come depressed. Not eating sulking sleeping and wanting to run away “break up”….his entire cycle from depressed through manic is about 2 weeks give or take the amount of stress in his daily life.
I can now watch and tell you when he’s about to “flip” and ill bring it to his attention just to prepare him to be aware of the impending fight that will happen in t-2days….cause once he is in his paranoid angry state…rationality flies out the window!
I it took me years to realize that what he’s feeling and the things he is saying is not me…not him…but his chemical imbalance. It’s stressful but we do what we have to for the people we love.
Post # 12
AHJ: Sociopath is somebody who lacks a sense of morals, don’t feel guilt, etc. In what did she write show those symptoms?
Post # 13
A sociopath is pretty much a narcissist on steroids. They feel no shame regret or empathy and they feel as tho they are the center of the universe…..they aren’t quite psychopath because they do feel love etc…but it’s very one sided….they care very little to how other people feel…what she described isn’t a sociopath…
Post # 14
I really dislike people who don’t have mental illness discussing mental illness. There are so many misconceptions about various disorders. Mental Health stigma is a thing, and it’s a bad one. I suffer from bipolar, but I am woman. Men sometimes have different displays of manic/depressive episodes. The only person that could tell him what he has is a doctor of psychiatry/maybe a therapist. We can’t sit here and assume people who have mood swings are bipolar or anything else. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/bipolar-disorder/index.shtml
Scroll down to the part about signs and symptoms.
Edit: not to say any of your FIs and SOs don’t have mental illness, I was just referring to the original poster.
Post # 15
Cosmojo: Wow. Props to you. I could never do that. Relationships can be hard and complicated enough, I just can’t imagine ever dating someone with a serious mental illness.