@canadajane: Um, looking back I don’t think I particularly outright told her about any concerns, but I feel like this is because I’ve never told her any of these updates until they’ve become solid decisions. Basically, I’ve already considered the risks before even coming to her with such news and so things that I had been worried about during the decision making process I had already dismissed and deemed something that I’m okay with dealing with or have some sort of backup plan. When she does raise concerns or objections, I do explain how I have considered such things and talked her through my thoughts/justifications/whatever in dealing with those concerns. In doing so, I feel like I am successfully countering her concerns and demonstrating that I’m going in with a level-head after having thought long and hard about the choice.
I hear what you’re saying about the risk involved with buying without a career. That part of my life is extremely complicated unfortunately, though… I’m not even 100% certain I’ll ever end up with a career. I’ve been to college twice and university once (college and university are two different things in Canada, not interchangable words). I’ve excelled and been on the Dean’s list every time. Unfortunately, I never found any love or passion for anything… As a result, I had no motivation to follow through and continue pursuing any of those paths. I’m currently trying to figure that out while working full time since I don’t want to waste time and money pursuing something I don’t 100% want. It has been 5 years since high school and I have an interest in nothing… So I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that this is my reality and it will be for a long time, if not forever. I feel almost 100% certain that I won’t ever find a career I could be passionate about or at least like enough to ever sit through post-secondary education for. Therefore, I figure there is no point in waiting around and avoiding buying a home, otherwise I won’t ever become a home owner! I really don’t ever expect to go back to school. My SO most certainly won’t be; I’ve never seen anyone more passionate about their career than he is. Genuinely passionate about the work, not the money. It is his second career already at 24, and he is settled in his path for life.
As for job security, there are no concerns of this. I work for immediate family as an administrative assistant for their multi million dollar real estate business. That may seem naive to think that there isn’t a possibility that things could go down hill, but they are the most prominent real estate team in the area… I… I just don’t know how to articulate the level of security without coming off like a jerk. While my SO could lose his job, he has no problems finding work. He has great references, worked as a head chef before he was 22 years old, and has many great connections in the restaurant business… For his age, he has a very impressive resume. I don’t doubt he could get work elsewhere very quickly if he lost his job.
As for splitting up, I’ve cosidered that. Obviously it isn’t a pretty situation, but it happens to couples all the time so in my mind, it isn’t as though it would be a unique situation. Of course, there would be a price to pay of continuing mortgage payments, but everything has reprocussions. While I’d continue to pay until sold, I would just live with my parents. Not fun, but not a big deal either.
Renting an apartment and still saving for a down payment would be hard for us. It makes more sense for us to put big chunks of cash away every month and afford a home right away (combined $2,000+ every month into savings) than it does to rent — paying equal to what we would if it was a mortgage payment) and ultimately saving very little per month for our downpayment ($800). We both feel more comfortable with the former.
So yeah, that was my entire thought process when Carrie asked similar questions. I feel like I’ve thought things through and been very level-headed with my responses to her, but at the end of it all, the response is “whatever” and she totally dismisses me. My answers — the same as the ones I gave you — should show that I acknowledge and have accepted the risks.