Post # 1
Out of my bridesmaids I have one that is married, one that’s engaged and two that are single (as in, no relationship whatsoever).
One of the single bridesmaids tries to put on a front that she’s excited and happy but I can sense that there’s sort of a cloud to it. Like when my other bridesmaid who is engaged and I start talking about wedding stuff we’re both excited/interested (probably excitement for ourselves and each other in there) where when I talk to the single bridesmaid I feel like I have to tone it down. She’ll make comments like, “I’m never going to get married.” etc, etc.
I mean, I remember how it was when I was a “bride in waiting” and the sadness of hearing another friend has beat you to the altar. I’m trying not to be all bridezilla and talk about stuff other than the wedding, but it’s so hard since it’s the most exciting thing happening in my life right now.
Any tips on how to handle this situation?
Post # 3
I honestly think the only thing you can do is stay involved in her life, and let her decide how much to talk about the wedding. I have a single Bridesmaid or Best Man who is four years older than me, and has never even had a boyfriend, mostly because she’s still so shy around her crushes. I know it’s hard for her to deal with being excited about the wedding when she feels so behind.
Because of that, I talk to one of my other best friends, who is in a serious relationship, more. She is more excited and less hurt by the details. I think it’s a happy compromise, because then Bridesmaid or Best Man 1 doesn’t feel bombarded by the details if she wants to talk about her own life more.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club
I think that’s really good advice, to stay involved in her life!
2 out of 4 of my BMs are married, one just got engaged and I know the other one will be engaged hopefully very soon. The non engaged one listens to all of my wedding details and truly seems like she enjoys hearing about it all. I do remind myself to step back sometimes, and just make sure that I’m asking about her life (she just got a new job and moved in with her boyfriend) and making sure it’s not all about the wedding all the time.
Post # 5
Well I was a bridesmaid during my divorce seven years ago and wrongly, some of my friends thought I was also bitter. I wasn’t.
You may be reading what you think into the bm behavior when it’s not jealousy or bitterness at all. It just may be that she is into other things right now. I mean, I was not 100 percent into one of my bff’s wedding planning, but it was because I had myself a demanding job, was a newly single mom, and managing everything by myself, and had nothing to do with my friend or the simple fact she was getting married.
When my friends realized this (including the bride) they were like “whew”. But I think it’s super important to be friends first because a wedding is just one day out of your lives together and not worth any stress because of it. She may just be really having some other important things in her life going on and to her, they may be equally as important (or even more) than your wedding, that’s all.
Post # 6
I’m in a similar situation, I have two married MOHs, one very committed Bridesmaid or Best Man and one single Bridesmaid or Best Man. My married girls are great, I was each of their Maid/Matron of Honor and they are super supportive and always willing to talk wedding. My single friend has helped out when I’ve asked her to, but I try not to talk about the wedding too much with her because I know she doesn’t really want to hear it and isn’t loving her life right now. I’m just trying to find the balance and make sure no one goes on wedding overload since we are getting closer to the big day…
Post # 7
I’m having this problem with my sister. She’s older than I am, and very much single. Me getting engaged threw her into almost a depression. For months and months I felt terribly guilty. She’s my Maid/Matron of Honor, but she’s not happy about it. It sucks my sister can’t be happy for me—but I try to put myself in her shoes and be super careful about what I say around her.
I almost never, ever talk “wedding” with her. But I hope that one day, when she gets married, I cant be the best Maid/Matron of Honor in the world. I don’t want to make her feel as badly as she’s made me feel during this process.
Post # 8
my only single bridesmaid is my older sister, and she’s not bitter at all! she talks wedding with me all the time, with her bringing it up. she tells me how other people will ask her things like “how do you feel that you have to go to your younger sister’s wedding?” which she thinks is silly because she’s happy for me and happy with her life.
but i agree with the others, i would just make sure to not only talk about the wedding, keep asking about what’s going on with them too.
Post # 9
I was a single bridesmaid and it pretty much sucked. It was both my Boyfriend or Best Friend and my younger sister. I absolutely was happy for them and tried really hard to show it, but I was definitely bitter. I don’t think it’s bad to talk about wedding stuff, just make sure it’s not the only thing you talk about. But at the same time, she should love you and be totally supportive. If she is bitter, she probably feels bad about it at the same time…so basically just be normal.
Post # 10
Yeah…I can relate.
There were 4 of us that were really close in college, and one of us was married shortly after graduation, and 2 of us are getting married this summer. The last friend definitely gets an attitude like I am bothering her whenever I talk to her about anything about the wedding—even when it’s just practical stuff (for instance, asking her, as someone coming from out of town, where would be the most convenient location for me to try to get a hotel block). She even asked me the other day if we were still planning to get married, so that she could know whether she needed to keep that date free. Ummm….why would you think we wouldn’t be???
Anyway, it sucks and it’s weird. I can imagine getting sick of hearing me talk about it–same way you would get sick of hearing about one friend’s residency, or new boyfriend, or house hunt, or pregnancy, etc. But if you don’t get too out of control, and if you make sure to not be self-involved and definitely still care about her life, it SHOULD be fine. If not, just try to talk to some of your other friends and try as much as you can to not let it bother you! (I know, much easier said than done!!!)
Post # 11
I think the best thing is to try to talk to other people about your wedding–it sounds like you have plenty of friends that are happy to chat about it, which is awesome. I think it might be important to your friendship with your single BMs to make sure that you have other things to talk to them about.
Even though I’m engaged, I still sometimes get annoyed hearing people talk non-stop about their weddings. It bothered me more before, because I wanted my turn to join in the fun, but I still find myself getting irritated sometimes at women that seem to have nothing to talk about except their wedding. I’m not at all suggesting that you are like this! I just mean that your BMs might not be in a great place to appreciate hearing about your wedding and might want to go back to talking about the things that you used to talk about with them. I’m sure they’ll be more than excited to help you with your wedding and be there for you on the day…but it’s important to remember that it can be hard to be single and also that you probably do have other things to chat about with your closest friends.
Post # 12
Personally, I didnt think my bridesmaid was bitter I knew…..right after I got engaged she said to me “It was supposed to be me getting married young!” Um….she doesnt even have a boyfriend…she has been in a tumultuous non-relationship for 7 years and hasnt done anything about it while Ive actually been dating my Fiance for over 4 years….so yes I know the feeling of the bitter bridesmaid!!
Post # 13
One of my best friends for years told me she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. When she told me this she rattled off a whole bunch of random reasons why which really surprised me, because it was totally the opposite of what she has always told me. She has always been insistant that she would be in my wedding, but when it actually came around she didn’t want anything to do with it. We basically took 2 months off from talking because of this, as we were both feeling upset and confused.
She just called me last night and apologized and told me she was feeling bitter and left behind and had reacted that way because of those feelings. Luckily, she now wants to be my bridesmaid again, which is great, as I couldn’t really imagine it without her!