(Closed) Ever feel like your the "poor" bride??

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 16
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee

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LeonardLady:  high five girl! That’s quite an accomplishment! I thought I was doing well with my free dress lol

Post # 17
Member
696 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m sorry you feel this way! Everyone I know who got married in their late teens/ early twenties did not have a wedding (just went to the courthouse), and many are planning big parties later in life (5 or 10 year anniversaries), so just because it isn’t happening now doesn’t mean you’ll never get the wedding of your dreams! I do think people with larger budgets are prouder of their weddings and are sharing more, I am sure you are not alone. I am spending more on my wedding than you are on yours, but not nearly as much as what feels like the “average,” and certainly less than most people in our age group (I will be 28, Fiance will be 36 when we get married), and I feel like a poor bride most of the time. It’s hard to feel like you are compromising on every decision, I get that. And I think the wedding industry and wedding blog culture is keyed to make you feel like you aren’t spending enough, no matter what you are spending! But just remember that the weddign is about you and your Fiance, and celebrating your life together. You guys are doing the responsible thing by not spending outside of your means. 

Post # 18
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2354 posts
Buzzing bee

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LuvlivininBC:  Yes and no. There are a lot of factors at play, such as if your parents paid for your wedding or your education. Of if you stayed home until you were 23 and didn’t have to pay for rent. If I compare myself to most of my friends, I can’t afford to travel to Europe every summer, can’t afford for a brand new SUV, can’t afford for a house yet, and certainly can’t splurge 15-20K on my wedding. But, I was living on my own at 19 ; got through grad school all by myself, with my own money, and getting food on the table with my loans when money was short before I could get scholarships. Sometimes I do look back and wonder, should I have studied less longer, or stayed home with my parents longer ? In comparison to other people my age, I’m ”late” career-wise and financially-wise, and I do feel poor because of that. But at the same time, I also know of people who get by only because they consider credit as an extension to their income. Their new car is paid for with an expensive 8-years loan, their mortgage is awfully high because they only paid a 5% downpayment, and they pay their wedding using credit or their mortgage loan. I’m surrounded by people who tell me ”it’s normal to have debts … everybody has debts !”. Most likely, consumers debts because they couldn’t wait until they had enough money. 

I’m living frugally and I’m trying to spend my money wisely. This means I probably won’t be able to have everyone at my wedding, or I will have to call for a potluck if my extended family absolutely wants to be there, which would also be acceptable in my social circle given our situation. I don’t have to have everything Pinterest, magazines, or TLC shows tell me I should have on my wedding day. It’s all a matter of choice. Hell, in the 70s my in-laws had their official wedding pictures taken in a parking lot with a gas station as a background ! Reality is that until quite recently, big luxuous weddings weren’t even a thing for a majority of people, and exotic honeymoons were quite the exception. My parents went to Niagara Falls for a week. My in-laws went camping. They didn’t bother trying to book the trip of a lifetime. They made many, many trips worldwide during their 42 years of marriage, though. 😉

Post # 20
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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LuvlivininBC: you’ve worked hard for what you have and frankly should feel proud of paying for the wedding you can afford. It’s easy to have a big budget if someone else is paying but that’s not real life. It’s a lovely generous gift, often with strings attached. 

Have you read a practical wedding? Great ideas for saving $$

Post # 21
Member
2221 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

I feel ya! I’m struggling to stay under 10k. Luckily my parents offered that much or else I wouldn’t be having even close to that and it is HARD. It looks like it’s going to end up being under 14k or 15k if you really add what everyone is contributing up… I feel like I’m going everything as cheap as I can short of having a firehall wedding. 

Post # 23
Member
7991 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

 

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LuvlivininBC:  i was 32 when i got married and i got my wedding shoes for $50 on the sale rack at nordstoms.  they were exactly what i was looking for and i wore them 2 times before the wedding and many times since.

don’t compare yourself to others.  many people have parents that pay for their weddings and many people pay for the weddings themselves.

Post # 24
Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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LuvlivininBC:  Please don’t feel that way. The only reason I can afford my upcoming wedding is b/c my parents and my in-laws are helping. If they didn’t help, I honestly would have tried to elope or just have a simple celebration at a restaurant. 

And when I was your age, I don’t think I could ever come up with $4K and raise a child at the same time. You should be proud. You are far from the norm, but in a good way. There are so many diy brides on this board too, so I’m sure there are plenty of people that can help out with suggestions. 

Post # 25
Member
4682 posts
Honey bee

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LuvlivininBC:  I’m 37 and my husband is 54. We are both college educated and living paycheck to paycheck. I’m going back to school because I want to increase my earning potential. 

You are definitely not alone. You need to keep things in perspective though. This site is going to attract more big budget brides. It takes a lot more work/planning to put together a wedding for 250 people than it does for a planned elopement or small wedding. My vow renewl was going to be next year for 30 people(I’ve had to push it back though, because my daughter is graduating next year and I feel like that should be my priority). I am never going to be a big budget bride, and that is okay. The things that are mportant to me don’t cost anything(cliche but true).

Part of the fun of this site for me is reading about the big budget weddings and seeing the expensive rings. I know we have a bride on here who said her wedding is going to be close to $700,000! I can’t even imagine, but I really hope she posts a recap! 

Post # 26
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper

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LuvlivininBC:  My husband and I didn’t even have a wedding we were so “poor.”  But you know what, we saved that money and used it on what we wanted.  It didn’t matter what anyone else thought or wanted.  And you need to remember that.  This is your wedding – don’t focus on what others want.  Focus on what you and your Fiance want.  Y’all want a $4000 wedding, go ahead have it.  Y’all want to get married in potato sacks, do it.  This is your wedding.  Remember who you’re doing this for.  You and your Fiance, and that’s all that matters.

Post # 27
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2 posts
Wannabee

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LuvlivininBC:  YES! My wedding is actually a little less than $2000 (and that includes the dress).  We both work but I can’t see myself dropping 5 grand on a pair of killer shoes that I will only wear one day. I know it’s a special day…but still. That money can go on my honeymoon.

Post # 28
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Definitely do NOT feel bad.  I read a quote recently: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” and I’m trying to keep that in mind as much as possible.  You can have a beautiful wedding for $500 or $50,000.  It really does not matter. 

Post # 29
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee

Our wedding was just under $4000. While there were plenty of things that I wished I could have splurged on, I’m glad I didn’t fork out thousands on shoes alone. Haha. Our wedding was completely DIY. And we had A LOT of people willing to help out with everything. I love how our wedding turned out. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Post # 30
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

I would say I am low wedding budget here but I would not say “poor”.  I can’t afford the extravert wedding like some do but I am only having an intimate wedding with about 25 guests. One of our closest friends is a photographer and others thought of doing potluck.  My fiancé is going to use the suit he had to buy for his friend’s wedding that is happening later this here (he is a groomsman).  I am hand making all of the flowers and boutonnieres costing about $75 dollars for all the supplies (this is to satisfy the diy craft side of me).  We are going to buy a cheesecake or a simple cake from a local bakery.  I ended up splurging on my dress which what I was trying to avoid ($900) but I was lucky to get it for 400 less than retail. I plan to sell this dress afterwards since it is a popular dress and I see posts of some ladies hoping to buy a used one. Our venue is free and we are going to make our meals since friends wants to chip in and help and hang out since it will also be a farewell party for my finance as he is leaving the country to live with me.  I plan on doing my own makeup, hair, using my existing jewelry and shoes and not buying a veil.  But I feel rich as I know we are going to have close friends with us and I am sure our pictures will be beautiful.   I don’t believe weddings have to be big and expensive for it to be beautiful and memorable.  We were planning to go on a cruise for our honeymoon but we are now discussing maybe not doing that so we can put that money towards something else until there is a better time.  We can find a place locally to be away for a week in privacy but it’s still up in the air at the moment.

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