Post # 1
I was asked last year by my long time friend to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. We have been friends since grade school and I have known her now husband just as long.
They have a couple that they spend a lot of their time with because this couple is married and they all have kids that play together. This couple was also asked to be in the wedding party as a bridesmaid and groomsmen.
So I was very excited to be a bridesmaid in my very good friends wedding and was eager to help out in any way that I could. I asked what they needed from me and if I could put in any extra time to bear the load of wedding planning and decorations etc. off of their hands. I asked what the situation was for bridesmaids vs. maid of honour to know if I had a role in planning bachelorette parties or anything. My friend told me that there was no maid of honour and she was only having me and her other friend as bridesmaids.
So I contacted her other friend and said lets get on planning the bachelorette party and we could get together or discuss through text/phone/email whatever to create this event. Come the bachelorette party, I was informed of a date but I was not involved in any of the planning. I tried to pitch in for expenses and her other friend took the bill for the soon to be bride.
Come wedding time, still no explanation had been given and I had just left it and tried to help out where I could! The emcee made an announcement during the reception that he would call some “random people” up to make a speech. I panicked!! Because I didn’t know where I stood, I didn’t know if one of those random people was me.. Why would he say that?!?! I asked the bride, I asked her friend.. do they know who is giving speeches?! I looked like a complete idiot! They both looked at me like I was nuts and said they didn’t know what he was talking about!
Her friend gave her Maid of Honour speech and her husband gave the Best Man speech. The other speeches were all planned people who were aware they would be speaking at the reception. I wasn’t hurt about not being Maid of Honour, just embarassed that I wasn’t just told ahead of time that someone had that role. I felt like I was clueless through most of the process and am now embarassed about trying so hard to help out which I feel makes me look like I was striving for a spot that wasn’t mine. Haha, seems so silly.
Anyone else experience something like this?!
Post # 2
lemonsmakelemonade : yup. Although it was the day before. But after travelling literally across the world.
I wasn’t expecting to be Maid/Matron of Honor as she wasn’t at mine, but nothing had been said, we’ve been friend literally forever (compared to 20 and 5 years respectively) and I was asked to do a speech. Then the day before,during the rehearsal, it was announced her friend of 20 years was the Maid/Matron of Honor. It was pretty awkward and honestly should have been broached much much sooner IMO. Or she should have stuck with not having one.
I think though it was her photographers fault as they got super involved with way too many things (like, all the BMs are supposed to get fake tans and having matching manicures and pedicures apparently… I thought she’d turned into a complete bridezilla but after comments made by the photographers about how pale I was etc I suspect they were somewhat behind it).
All you can do is try to put it behind you. I was out out and a bit upset but plastered on a smile and have never and would never say anything.
Post # 3
Wow that is bad of your friend the bride to do. How sneaky and very immature. That would have turned me off from the friendship, frankly. She couldn’t have been up front with you and just told you ”’yes, Cindy is going to make the speech”. She knew. Her best man knew. So not cool. Sorry u had to go through that. Must have felt horribly confusing and let down at the time.
Post # 4
Weddings make people so weird.
Post # 5
Yup – something similar happened to me. All bridesmaids were requested to pick our own dresses in a blue/grey color scheme and casual, and the SIL of the bride showed up in in a totally different bright blue gown. My two friends (of 15+ years) and I thought SIL went a little cray and maybe was trying to steal the show.. but it turns out she was MOH!
The bride just telling us who was Maid/Matron of Honor would have been 10x less awkward, rather than trying to hide it.
Post # 6
The opposite kind of happened to my husband. He was a groomsman in the wedding of one of his best friends from growing up, and both he and their other best friend assumed the other was best man because the groom hadn’t asked either of them to do it. They showed up a couple days before the wedding and at some point while drinking the groom asked them how their speech was coming – apparently they were co-best men?! Thank goodness the groom did mention it eventually, and they could give a speech together, but he came pretty close to having no toast made in his honor!