Ever had a guy try to "neg" you? Stories?

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3026 posts
Sugar bee

That doesnt sound like a backhanded compliment at all, just an insult?? Maybe he’s doing it wrong? 

Post # 3
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

yeah watch the nice guy videos on youtube, another incompetent and pathetic attempt by a male to obtain a mate.

They don’t want to put in the real work of what it takes to be a genuine good guy who realizes that insulting a woman is not a way into her heart, so they think talking like a d*ck head will help their cause.

They are incessant little piss ants who love the control they feel behind their keyboard.

They are lonely, sad and depraved little men who pray on women. Sadly some women fall for the crap and put up with their idiotic unintelligable dribbling excuses for talking. 

Raise your head high Queen. You deserve so much better. All people do. 

NEXT. 

Post # 4
Member
1884 posts
Buzzing bee

This is definitely negging, verging on just outright insults. I ran into this a lot while dating as well, and it made me wonder – are men just LIKE this these days, or are they ALL reading the PUA subreddit??!?

I think they keep doing it because it keeps working for them, and it filters out girls with high self esteem, the girls they specifically do NOT want to date. An insecure girl would likely have replied to that message defending herself, because he’s already put her into a defensive stance. She STARTS OUT feeling the need to gain this guy’s approval.

And that’s exactly the kind of mindset these guys are trying to find. The kind of mindset that they can gaslight and manipulate.

Post # 5
Member
3405 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My husband’s friend used to do this at the bar.

 

….10 years later he’s the only single one left in the group.

Post # 6
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Backyard

Sort of, if I’m understanding the term correctly?

My ex basically told me at one point that he thought I’d make a really awful mother and that’s why he wasn’t interested in us ever having children. I believe the words he used were “I love kids. If I were with anyone else, I’d have one in a heartbeat.”.

Reality was that he just didn’t want any more children (he was quite a bit older than I and had a couple of kids from a prior marriage). He knew that I would not stay in the relationship if he told me the truth (’cause kids vs no kids – not exactly a compromisable point), so he tried to make me not want kids by attempting to convince me that I wouldn’t be any good at parenting. He was terrified of being alone and preferred to be in an unhappy relationship rather than in no relationship at all. Needless to say, it didn’t work out.

Post # 7
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Oh my god I have a story! 

Back in college I knew this guy named Kyle and okay let’s get one thing straight he was a total neckbeard. There are two definitions and he fit them both. He was the most repulsive, arrogant, elitist man I have ever met, and not only was he absolutely terrible to look at, but his personality was so much uglier. And on top of all of that, he had it in his mind, for some twisted reason, that I was absolutely obsessed with him.

All the teachers hated him. We shared nearly every class together (because we were nearly the same major; I was biochemistry and he was chemistry/physics). He would consistently tell the teachers they were wrong, and he would show up late to class every time (like, 20 minutes late) with a giant plate of Thai food or pasta or some other messy thing. He would chomp away at it while answering all the questions.

He was a non-traditional student so I’m unsure how old he was, but he was younger than thirty at least, so it’s not like he was a fifty-year-old pervert, but the lack of creepiness ends there.

He was smart. I’ll give him that. A’s across the board. He tutored in physics, statistics, and chemistry, but he was completely inept at biology, where I excelled. He would constantly mock me for being smart in biology (the “stupid side of science” he called it). We were in several projects together because fate hates me, and he would mock my lack of skill in physics constantly. We were lab partners for both semesters I took physics because our last names were right next to each other (again, horrible fate) and he would constantly hit on me and teasingly ask me out (just suggestions – no real asking, much to my relief). “We would make a cute couple” nonsense.

My name is a very odd spelling of a very common name, and he would constantly call me the weird visual pronounciation of my name, a really horrid version of my name that isn’t how it’s pronounced but rather how it looks, as a mockery to the way my name is spelled.

He always drank from a filthy gallon-sized water bottle that had something growing in it I swear, and in cold months he had this horrid crocheted neon-green elf hat with the point falling all the way to the backs of his knees. He smelled terrible and yet, on top of all of these reasons I was not attracted to him, he was so SURE I was obsessed with him. 

Finally he asked me out. Like, really asked me out. Actually, it was terrible timing because I was studying for an organic chemistry exam and I was mentally fried, and I had no money (commuter problems) and I was starving. He offered to take me out to dinner at a resturant just off-campus, a place I really love and it’s not that expensive. For all these reasons, I decided I could suck it up and get nutrition, and just happen to be in the presence of the most repulsive human on Earth while I do so. 

He was constantly trying to get close to me at dinner, but he continued to MOCK me for my struggles on the exam. There’s this concept called a Diels-Alder reaction that I was having such a hard time understanding, and he was like “Oh, well, if you were smarter, my dear” (oh that’s another thing he always called me DEAR) “If you were smarter you would realize how simple it is here I’ll explain it” and he would explain it and the horrible thing is that IT MADE SENSE and he was HELPING ME but mocking me at the same time. He would try to hold my hand or touch my thigh and do other things that just….ack. I get a bad taste in my mouth just thinking of it. 

Anyway, suffice to say, that was the worst date I have ever been on. We went back to the library and I went home to finish studying. Aced the test and got the Diels-Alder question right, which peeves me to this day. 

After the test, he asked if he could take me out to dinner again. “A girl like you needs a superior man like me,” he said. My friend was standing right there, took a swig of her 7Up, and spit it in his face. 

“A girl like her is too good for a man like you,” she said.

We are still best friends to this day. He never spoke to me again.

Negging is real and it’s gross.

And whenever I think of that resturant, Diels-Alder reactions, or physics lab, I think about him. Ugh.

Post # 12
Member
306 posts
Helper bee

clair86 :  Dude, most of the guys online I’ve encountered have been idiots. I can’t tell you how many I have encountered. Some are just plain creepy. Like one guy legit asked me if my cat wanted to be in a feline relationship with his cat. WTF? One wrote me this really weird poem. Or they just say disgusting shit. I’m so tired of it haha, I’m just like getting to the point where I’m about to give up and just accept that I’ll be the lonely cat & dog lady.

This guy you’ve encountered is just being an ass.

Post # 13
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

clair86 :  It’s only funny now in hindsight 😀 College was definitely a terrible four years for me LOL

Post # 15
Member
467 posts
Helper bee

Negging is unfortunately really common with guys who think they are players or pick up artists. I got it a lot with online dating as well. I listed myself as a Simpsons trivia nerd and guys would often be really rude about that, or say that I was too good looking for that statement to be truthful. It’s behaviour like that where a guy ties to get you to prove yourself to him. 

Worst example of it I experienced: 

I guy I went to University with (15 years ago) added me on facebook. We did not get a long in University. I had a boyfriend the whole time and he slept with every woman in our department. I remembering him calling me a fat ass at least once during undergrad. I accepted his request though. A few days later he started following me on instagram. Then one night I came home and saw that he had gone through and liked every single selfie I had taken. My notifications were all likes from him. I private messaged him and asked what that was about and he completely twisted the conversation around and kept implying that I messaged him so obviously I was interested in him. I pointed out that we didn’t get along. He said that he thought I was annoying but also had a crush on me in University. “Didn’t you ever have a crush on someone you couldn’t stand?”. He then asked me several times to meet up for drinks and catch up. It really felt like he was daring me to sleep with him. 

I blocked him after that 

Post # 15
Member
467 posts
Helper bee

Oh! And to add something:

My best peice of advice for any woman getting into online dating is to block anyone you aren’t interested in. It sounds mean, but men can be EXHAUSTING on dating sites. I got so sick of having to defend myself. If I politely said I wasn’t interested I would be called a fat pig. If I didn’t respond to their messages they would keep hounding me and calling me names, saying I was stuck up for thinking I was better than them. Seriously, it might sound mean but as soon as you get a message from someone you aren’t interested in just block them. 

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