Oh my god I have a story!
Back in college I knew this guy named Kyle and okay let’s get one thing straight he was a total neckbeard. There are two definitions and he fit them both. He was the most repulsive, arrogant, elitist man I have ever met, and not only was he absolutely terrible to look at, but his personality was so much uglier. And on top of all of that, he had it in his mind, for some twisted reason, that I was absolutely obsessed with him.
All the teachers hated him. We shared nearly every class together (because we were nearly the same major; I was biochemistry and he was chemistry/physics). He would consistently tell the teachers they were wrong, and he would show up late to class every time (like, 20 minutes late) with a giant plate of Thai food or pasta or some other messy thing. He would chomp away at it while answering all the questions.
He was a non-traditional student so I’m unsure how old he was, but he was younger than thirty at least, so it’s not like he was a fifty-year-old pervert, but the lack of creepiness ends there.
He was smart. I’ll give him that. A’s across the board. He tutored in physics, statistics, and chemistry, but he was completely inept at biology, where I excelled. He would constantly mock me for being smart in biology (the “stupid side of science” he called it). We were in several projects together because fate hates me, and he would mock my lack of skill in physics constantly. We were lab partners for both semesters I took physics because our last names were right next to each other (again, horrible fate) and he would constantly hit on me and teasingly ask me out (just suggestions – no real asking, much to my relief). “We would make a cute couple” nonsense.
My name is a very odd spelling of a very common name, and he would constantly call me the weird visual pronounciation of my name, a really horrid version of my name that isn’t how it’s pronounced but rather how it looks, as a mockery to the way my name is spelled.
He always drank from a filthy gallon-sized water bottle that had something growing in it I swear, and in cold months he had this horrid crocheted neon-green elf hat with the point falling all the way to the backs of his knees. He smelled terrible and yet, on top of all of these reasons I was not attracted to him, he was so SURE I was obsessed with him.
Finally he asked me out. Like, really asked me out. Actually, it was terrible timing because I was studying for an organic chemistry exam and I was mentally fried, and I had no money (commuter problems) and I was starving. He offered to take me out to dinner at a resturant just off-campus, a place I really love and it’s not that expensive. For all these reasons, I decided I could suck it up and get nutrition, and just happen to be in the presence of the most repulsive human on Earth while I do so.
He was constantly trying to get close to me at dinner, but he continued to MOCK me for my struggles on the exam. There’s this concept called a Diels-Alder reaction that I was having such a hard time understanding, and he was like “Oh, well, if you were smarter, my dear” (oh that’s another thing he always called me DEAR) “If you were smarter you would realize how simple it is here I’ll explain it” and he would explain it and the horrible thing is that IT MADE SENSE and he was HELPING ME but mocking me at the same time. He would try to hold my hand or touch my thigh and do other things that just….ack. I get a bad taste in my mouth just thinking of it.
Anyway, suffice to say, that was the worst date I have ever been on. We went back to the library and I went home to finish studying. Aced the test and got the Diels-Alder question right, which peeves me to this day.
After the test, he asked if he could take me out to dinner again. “A girl like you needs a superior man like me,” he said. My friend was standing right there, took a swig of her 7Up, and spit it in his face.
“A girl like her is too good for a man like you,” she said.
We are still best friends to this day. He never spoke to me again.
Negging is real and it’s gross.
And whenever I think of that resturant, Diels-Alder reactions, or physics lab, I think about him. Ugh.
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