Post # 17
this is awesome that i am not alone in this! i loved reading all your comments this morning and i can relate to so many of them!!
@CaptainSpaulding: My first reaction was “No its about both of us”
that made me laugh – this is SO me! i am always putting my foot and insisting that it is “OUR” not “MY” wedding. and I ask Fiance all the time “are you excited?” he knows he has no choice but to say yes. But who i am kidding – if i had said let’s go to the courthouse or let’s not get married at all and just be together forever, he would have went along with that just like he is going along with the wedding! A long time ago when I was in “waiting” stage and we were talking about when we will get engaged. He said that he is already committed to me forever. and he meant that it doesn’t matter if we get married or not! so that hurt me at the same time that it made me love him more!
Post # 18
Oh yes. It’s a ridiculous amount of planning. It’s a ridiculous amount of money – our wedding is going to cost what I make IN A YEAR. I’d rather our families just give us the money… but that’s not going to happen. 🙂
At the end of the day, it’s not exactly what I would have wanted, but our families really want it, and SO really wants it, and our friends are really excited about it. I think it will be ridiculous, but awesome.
Post # 19
@dynamic_duo: I really enjoyed reading your post. I absolutely feel the same way, which surprises me since I am one of those girls OBSESSED with the wedding- all the details, all the excitement…
But then I have those moments once in a blue moon when I say…ugh, all this money all this pomp and circumstance…when I have the love of my life beside me and we have so many blessings…
I especially feel this way when I think about those less fortunate, knowing how much we are spending on the wedding day…
But just like you said…the next day I am wrapped up yet again in all the tiny little details with joy!
Post # 20
I reach this point everytime we sign a new contract. My word, the wedding industry is insane!
Post # 21
I always said that wedding planning reminded me of that joke about US NASA spending countless hours researching, testing, and making prototypes of a pen that can write in space without gravity. Then they take it to the Russian’s and try to convince them to buy a bunch, and they go “Uh, we just use pencils”.
Always seems like way over complicating things that DON’T need to be this hard.
Post # 22
I wonder about this too. Granted, I’m not planning my wedding yet, but whenever I think about it I’m like “Wait, why am I automatically expecting to spend a zillion dollars on my wedding when it doesn’t even really MATTER?” It’s insanity! And yet, I do love those details. Ugh.
Post # 23
I start thinking that the whole thing is ridiculous when I realize that the money we’re spending on the wedding could be the down payment for a house!!
Post # 24
I have the same thoughts, which is why I work very hard not to let any of the superficial consumer driven society views get in the way of my wedding.
We’re super happy even if we never got married, and the day means little to me, I just want to “be married” so we can move on with our lives but looking back we may regret it if it’s not special enough so we incorporated some fun stuff for our big eloped day.
Post # 25
I am definitely at the point right now where I am SO over this wedding, hahaha. Don’t get me wrong, I am really excited for the wedding, but I am more excited to be done with it and be married. 🙂
Post # 26
oh i should have added to my story that when i told Fiance my realization about how none of it really matters, his response was something like “that’s what i’ve been saying all along!”
Post # 27
@Mrs Sarah McK:
Lol, our guys must be kindred spirits, or something!
SO is such a laid-back guy, I figued he’d want to wear skate shoes, or Converse on the wedding day, instead of dress shoes. He gave me the ‘tradition’ excuse for not wanting to do that; scoffed at silk flowers; vetoed a Destination Wedding.. the list is endless, really. *sad face*.
Post # 28
I also felt guilty spending all that money. But there are so few things left in this world that bring family and friends together, other than funerals. I think that it’s important to have rituals in our lives and weddings are apart of our cultural rituals.
That being said, how much money that is spent and on what things, that has gotten a little out of hand. I think you have to think carefully about what you consider necessary, what would be nice and what you think is unnecessary. I think if you are having a wedding (not just JOP with the 2 of you), you need the two of you, an officiant, a license, some friends and family (how many is up to you) and some type of food and drink. That’s it, the rest is just fluff. Fluff that I love, but fluff none the less.
Post # 29
Hmm, this post has really made me think. I’m honestly okay without being married. But it’s really important to him, so I said if we were getting married, then we’d have to have a wedding. Why?? It’s because:
We get to be special for probably 2 years (during engagement, wedding and then for sometime after, when people still talk about it).
It’s a rite of passage (i.e. it’s social proof we’re adults, responsible, mature)
It’s a goal/milestone, like graduating, moving out, buying a house (more social proof)
It shows your marriage is worth investing in
It will provide a lot of lasting memories – in contrast to the mundane going to work, paying bills and trying out a new chicken recipe here and there
Sometimes there’s a legal benefit (of marriage – not of a wedding, but they still kind of go together) – insurance, same last name, tax breaks
Mostly because we get to be special
For everyone that says it’s for love or even marriage, that’s total crap. I love my fiance and would still love him if he were my boyfriend. The actual marriage part is less than $100. The wedding is the party. We don’t get to have fun, entertain and be special nearly enough in life. Relish in it!
Post # 30
thank you. i keep having panic attacks (not necessarily wedding related) and this just helped release some stomach knots!
Post # 31
Yes, then we decided to go back to basics! Immediate family, our closest friends, and grandparents. I couldn’t be happier with our small wedding of 35-40 vs our original 150. Many extended family members are upset, but we are able to focus on what WE want rather than what everyone else wants. We are now able to spend more money and upgrade food, drinks, invitations, etc. with our smaller group. It feels great to be focusing on us!!!