(Closed) Ever had someone invite themselves over for a holiday?

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: How would you react if your family invited themselves over for a holiday?
    No way! No one issues invitations to my home but me! : (10 votes)
    18 %
    I'd welcome them, but only because I'm obligated. : (13 votes)
    23 %
    I would find a way to compromise, like suggesting someone else's house, etc. : (3 votes)
    5 %
    I would welcome them with open arms, and be excited to see them! : (22 votes)
    39 %
    This would never happen, because we head home for every holiday we can : (8 votes)
    14 %
    Other (pretty please explain below!) : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    3281 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Hmmm, not to be rude…but they are your parents. Maybe it was important to them to share your first thanksgiving as a married couple together.

    What are your plans for bird day anyways? are yall going somewhere else?

    Can you invite your mom shopping with yall on friday?

    Post # 4
    228 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I voted to welcome them with open arms, but Fiance and I live within a 3 mile radius of our parents. If they lived out of town, I would still be very excited. To me, family is a priority, especially around the holidays.

    Post # 5
    181 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    For me holidays are about being with family, it would definitely be assumed that my parents were invited.

    Post # 6
    1893 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Yeah, I can’t really imagine getting a surprise visit from my parents on any major holiday, we’re usually checking with each other a couple months in advance to figure out what’s going on.  I don’t think it’s totally out of line for your parents to assume you’d all be together on Thanksgiving, it’s kind of unusual not to be with your family on that particular holiday. 

    Do you guys typically spend holidays together?

    Post # 7
    464 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    While I understand that it isn’t practical to host a large event in your apartment, I don’t think that your mom was way out of line to expect to spend Thanksgiving with you, most people spend it with family. I would be really upset if my parents made other plans with their friends for Thanksgiving instead of spending it with us. Maybe she just thought that she was being thoughtful by suggesting you guys host the dinner, because it means you don’t have to travel?

    If at all possible, I’d try to find a way to spend some time with them because it’s obviously important to her.

    Post # 8
    1432 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    You said the email from your parents said that they ‘want’ to come there for Thanksgiving.  It’s not exactly “Oh, we’re coming over for this huge holiday – you’re expected to host us”.

    I think it’s expected that we be with family for Thanksgiving, especially our parents.  How far away do they live?  What about hosting them Saturday and Sunday?  Do you think they assumed that you’d be cooking for them? Or did they think you would all go out to a nice dinner since they probably know the state of your tiny kitchen?

    Just looking for more information here, since I’m not really seeing where this overreaction is coming from…

    Post # 9
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I voted that it would never happen–but if it did happen–I would probably feel the same way you felt.  I love hosting and I love having family over to visit… but I would prefer to do the inviting myself!

    Post # 10
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I replied Other because it would depend a little bit.  My parents live out of state, so any opportunity to see them is limited.  But we love my parents.  So we’d say “Of course!”  But if it was anyone in FH’s family…we’d probably tell them flat out “No.”  But that’s because his family comes complete with a lot of drama and they would probably stay a lot longer than they say at first.  A visit would become and extended visit, would become LIVING here.  So in that case, negative.

    Since you already made plans, I think it’s totally ok you told them so and didn’t agree to the plans.  And especially with your living situation, it’s very strange that they would want to come for Thanksgiving, since you’d more than likely have to live out the scene from “A Christmas Story” and eat duck at a Chinese restaurant.

    Post # 12
    566 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    With my family, it’s common to invite ourselves to other family members homes.  Sometimes we just stop by, but we usually call first.  I think it depends on what’s the norm in your family. 

    Your parents probably just want to be with you for the holidays because you are family.  I wouldn’t find it weird or rude that they want to see you.

    Post # 13
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I think that in your situation I would be confused.  Doing your own thing for Thanksgiving for 10 years, IMO, kind of means that you usually have your own plans and take care of yourself.  After 10 years, I would also assume that I was able to make my own plans and do my own thing.  It’s odd, in this case, that they would just invite themselves after that significant of an absence. 

    That being said, I wonder if they are taking this opportunity to try to have a different type of relationship with you.  Maybe they would like to spend Thanksgiving with you, now that you’re married, but they were a bit awkward about asking?  In any case, it’s totally up to you what you do now, but maybe a frank conversation about expectations would be in order?


    Post # 14
    1432 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @ddw: Ah, that makes sense now.  Thanks! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Post # 16
    6597 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would be happy and expect to be together at the holidays.

    However, I live an hour away from my parents and sometimes they just pop in. On wed my dad called from my house before I got home and said he was staying the night (he works in my city once and awhile). So I guess it really depends on your relationship with your family.

    I would welcome my in-laws as well I love them. They live 3 hours away and often call us during the week to say they are going to pop by that weekend and we always do what we can to see them.

    But I can understand where you are coming from if you are not close with your family and are trying to set boundaries. Don’t feel bad for having a different relationship with your family!

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