- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I know I complain about my mom a lot. I am just trying to understand her. I guess deep down I question, “Is it me? Is something wrong with me?” I am really hurt. I am not a crier, but I shed a tear last night.
My mom did say once that she wanted to come to the wedding (that only FI’s parents were going to). This wedding has really strained our relationship. It’s caused her to say hurtful things to me. My mom had really high anxieties too. She doesn’t take her Xanax regularly enough. She really hates flying. However, she has flown to see me two times prior and even talks of coming out this summer for a vacation. If you put a margarita in her, she’s ready to buy a ticket right then and there with delight.
One day while I was visiting, after not even knowing if she’d make it to my wedding out West because it was “too much for her to handle,” she declared that she wants to go on vacation out West! Yes, she was drinking a margarita. Does someone lose their inhibitions that much after 1/2 a drink? I was dumbfounded. You cannot come to my wedding because it is too much to handle, but you want to come for a vacation? I host nice vacations, and I do all the driving and planning. I can see how some anxiety is removed if someone is taking care of it all.
So she’s always wanted to see the San Juan Islands (WA), where FI’s family has a summer house. We’re most likely going to do our wedding there now, and I asked her if she could come. She can stay in the house, she doesn’t need a car, most food is provided or shared – but she’d have to fly. Further than Utah. (No sisters are coming this year, they said it would be near impossible.)
We were talking about this last night and she got so upset and she said her stomach was in knots. She had to end the conversation right then and there. The conversation was giving her so much stress. That is really bad isn’t it? She’s always been like this. Her anxiety affects her life if it’s anything out of the routine. She can get over it at times, after all she has flown out to see us twice before. Then I think, “She’s done it before, why can she rally for my wedding?”
She emails me later to apologize for upsetting me. I am HURT that all three of my family members have some excuse not to make it to my wedding – even when coerced with free lodging and food! Granted they all seem like valid excuses so I am really wanting to understand, but it’s clashed with being truly HURT deep down. I wonder if another family had the same individual concerns if they all would do the same thing. Then I wonder is it me?
My mom says she can fly to Utah maybe but that’s it, nowhere else, not further. And not again the following month if she was just out the previous month for a vacation. She said go on without her even if I want the wedding where she cannot fly (which we’re going to do). I guess because she’s been to Utah before and anything else that is unknown and new is anxiety producing? I don’t know, but at the surface it looks like she wants a vacation in Utah more than anything else.
FI is so upset for me about my family’s lack of support that he wants to email them all and share his disappointment in them, but I asked him not to.