(Closed) Ever just have a bad feeling about a friend's relationship?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: ever had a bad feeling about a friend's relationship?
    yes and i kept my mouth shut : (57 votes)
    54 %
    no, all my friends date awesome guys : (4 votes)
    4 %
    yes, and i said something - she agreed : (23 votes)
    22 %
    yes, and i said something - we don't talk anymore : (8 votes)
    8 %
    other (explain) : (13 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    10363 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Yes. They knew it was bad but did nothing about it. In fact, they got married and are now divorced. I think it’s helpful to try to discuss it – others may be more open – but don’t expect them to change 🙁

    Post # 4
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I learned the hard way to not say anything UNLESS there is some kind of abuse (emotional/physical/verbal) going on. I once had a friend and I didn’t really care for her then-BF and once, when she had doubts, she poured her heart out to me and I told her candidly what I thought and felt. Well, she did a total 180 and it was just so awkward after that because she knew what I thought about him. Now they are married and we haven’t talked in a few years. There were other people that thought the same thing about this guy (or thought even worse things than I did!) and they never said anything and now they are still friends with her.

    Post # 5
    9982 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @bostongirl27:   I understand your concern for your friend.  But your role as her friend, in my opinion, is to be supportive of her, and that includes her decisions about her boyfriend.  You may feel free to voice your concerns to her but please put it carefully so as not to offend her. 

    I can tell you’re a kind and loving friend and she’s very lucky to have you.  Just be there for her and try to be as positive about her relationship as you can, as long as she’s happy with him. Sooner or later, if it doesn’t work out for them, she will need your support more than ever.

    Post # 6
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I would mention to her how on different pages they are on life, somebody who does not want kids most likely never want kids……  You cant really push, its her realationship she probably wont change even if you tell her how it will probably end up and you will risk losing a friend.  I would maybe gently mention it then you have to drop it after that

    Post # 7
    1012 posts
    Bumble bee

    ugh this sounds like my friend. The first time i met the guy she all proudly introduced me because i’m one of her best friends, he did not take his eyes off the TV and say “whats up”. THANKS FOR THE EYE CONTACT!

    She had 4 best friends all drive over 2 hours to visit for her birthday, he decided he did not want to go out, she didnt want to leave him, we all went to the bar for HER bithday WITHOUT HER!

    I hate him. With a passion. They have broke up multiple times and she keeps going back.  Its to the point where i barely talk to her anymore because she is so obsessed with him. And she knows that i hate the air he breathes. My SO calls him a ‘little pube’ he is a total douche bag.

    Good luck to you, your damned if you do, damned if you dont.

    Post # 8
    4413 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I had a friend that had an absolutely terrible relationship with her boyfriend. They were both great people, but miserable together. I think they just stayed together out of laziness.

    I never really said anything in the traditional “sit down, we need to talk” kind of way, but I did make sure to ask the type of pointed questions that would help her open her own eyes (at least I thought). You know, questions you already know the answer to but pretend you don’t (like, “do you guys OFTEN fight when you’re drunk? Does he frequently say things like that when you fight? Wow, that sounds bad. I don’t know if I could put up with that sort of thing.”) Of course, that’s where the laziness came in — even though she fully acknowledged that the relationship sucked, she stayed with him anyway. Oy yoy.

    Post # 9
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Happening right now. My best friend is going through some stuff with her fiance and I brought it up to her. We talk about everything and she says she appreciates my input. I think all depends on the situation but with her, I would talk to her about anything. When you are IN the relationship it’s hard to see what’s really going on so it’s nice to have some outside perspective.

    Post # 10
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Yes!  I have a friend who is married and her marriage makes me cringe.  He is never her priority. But she isn’t his either.  She recently just said that people who fully trust their spouse are idiots who don’t know how life works. . . Um, no.  

    One day, she was over pretty late talking about things, and I just asked her, “Hey, are you happy in your marriage?”  It wasn’t confortational.  Even though, I’m sure she wasn’t happy I asked.  I’ve noticed that they have days where it seems like BOTH of them are trying.  I don’t know.  Hopefully they will find a way to make it work.

    Post # 11
    5474 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    The only time I ever said anything when one of my pals is dating a doucher is when there is abuse involved.  My college roommate had the shit kicked out of her, so I marched right up to that coward and DARED him to hit me.  BEGGED him to lay a finger on me.  He walked away.  She didn’t leave him right away, but she did eventually find the courage to stand up for herself.  She is happy and healthy now, and we are still very good friends.

    Post # 13
    945 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I had one a few years ago. One of my best friends (who I’ve known since kindergarten) was dating this guy. He was ok, a lot of fun to hang out with. But he just didn’t treat her right. I tried telling her this, repeatedly. But she just wouldn’t listen. They had a lot of issues, one of which, caused them to have a huge fight/breakup. I was with her when it happened, basically, he lied to her saying he was going to a bachelor party with one of his friends (who coincidentally was dating another one of our friends at the time), when he was actually going to a party with some other girl to do drugs. I stayed with her for 48 hours after the breakup to make sure she was ok. So what did she do? Went right back to him. Why? Because he proposed to her. So for the next year, they planned their wedding. I made it known that I thought he was shady… but continued to support my friend. In the end (about a year before the wedding was supposed to happen), she caught him making out with another chick in a hot tub and called the whole thing off. We’re still friends though. She realized I was just trying to protect her.

    I’m having this feeling again now, with another friend. She moved in with her boyfriend of 4 months because she needed a place to live. When I met him for the first time, he was a huge dick. Very emoitionally abusive. I’ve never heard her have anything nice to say about him. Not to mention the fact that I’m pretty sure she’s still in love with her ex. I don’t outright hate this guy, I just try to point out how he treats her so crummy so that she’ll see it too and knock it off.

    Post # 14
    5976 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @bostongirl27:  I had a friend who was moving way too fast in a relationship that was just bad news. She had met him online (which is totally fine), but actually met him only once prior to moving to DC with him.That in itself scared me. Then she started talking about marriage after only being with him for 3 months, and he treated her horribly. All of our friends thought the same thing, but no one would say anything to her.

    She was finally talking about ring shopping one day, and I came out with it. I just asked her what the rush was if they already lived together and they were only together for 3 months. Why not get to know each other better before rushing to the alter. She got so mad at me. We didn’t talk for about a month until he dumped her and left her high and dry. She called me to tell me and just kept saying over and over how I warned her and she didn’t listen. I told her that everyone makes mistakes and love can totally be blind. 

    So…while my situation worked out, I don’t know if I’d do it again. We’re still good friends, but speaking up almost cost me our friendship.

    Post # 15
    7681 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I had a friend that was married to a loser.  I know she loves him, but all I heard was about him and their troubles and I just couldn’t keep a friendship with her. I feel bad about it, because she is really a good person, but he just dragged her down so much with his problems and no matter what she couldn’t/wouldn’t listen to advice even though she wanted it-and after YEARS, I just couldn’t listen to it.  I guess that makes me a bad friend, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. 🙁

    Post # 16
    1098 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

     I had two best friends, A and N, we were inseperable since high school. A couple years ago they both started dating two total scumbags and as a result we are no longer friends because I made it known that I didn’t like their SO’s and they chose them over our friendship. I feel like I am watching a Lifetime movie with these two. A’s SO literally tried to rape a mutual friend of ours as well A one night while she was sleeping. N is so unsatisfied in her relationship she made out with a guy at work and slept with her neighbor. A is now engaged to her SO and N is married to her SO. 

    Long story short, I wouldn’t say anything to your friend unless you know for a fact that she will take it well. She might be looking at this guy like he is her future and she might not take so kindly to you telling her he isn’t all that. Also if her SO is anything like my friend’s SO’s then he will try to distance her from you if he finds out you don’t like him. 

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