(Closed) Ever kept a big secret from your SO? (medical, might be TMI)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4416 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@secrets:  First of all, something like 90% of sexually active people will contract HPV at some point. 90%. Nine-zero. During my single phase, I had bad Pap smears damn near every time I went to the doc. I’ve had that colposcope jammed in my yoo-hoo a few times now. I do not judge myself for this. Nobody else judges me for this. If they judge me for this, I remind them of that 90% figure. Just because they never knew they had it, doesn’t mean they never had it. Therefore, I don’t really think this is a “big secret” because it’s such a minor thing, but I completely understand why it seems like a big deal. That first bad Pap scared the crap out of me, and I didn’t even have to have a LEEP!

All that being said, I think if it’s bothering you or scaring you, you should talk to your Fiance about it. That’s exactly the kind of secret you shouldn’t keep, because on issues like that, you need his support more than ever! Just remember that if he gets icky on you, remind him that he probably had HPV too, and the only reason he doesn’t know about it is because he’s lucky enough not to have a cervix Wink

Post # 4
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’ve never kept a secret this big from my SO.  I can barely keep from telling him what his birthday/ Christmas presents are!

Personally, I feel like it’s so much easier to just be completely honest and upfront.  Get this off your chest and tell him.  Show him the facts about HPV.  It is VERY common, and I doubt he’ll even react badly to it.  Most people already have HPV!

I encourage you to find it in yourself to tell him.  You’ll feel so much better.

Post # 5
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

SO many people have HPV and will never realize it or have problems for it. I have the same strain, the cancer causing one, and I had two years of abnormal paps, many colposcopies, and one cautery of the cervix (THAT was fun!). Just tell him. I was SO scared to tell my now husband when we started dating. But like, a month into our relationship, I had to have that cautery done, so I had no choice and he was nothing but supportive and has been ever since. I finally had one full year of normal paps, so I can go back to yearly, YAY!

Post # 6
Member
13012 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would never keep a secret this big from him.  I think he’d be really hurt if he knew that I felt like I couldn’t tell him something so important.  He loves you, it’ll be okay.  I encourage you to tell him.

Post # 7
Member
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@secrets:  Maybe a few secrets but not a medical one. I think you should tell him if it ever comes up though…it would be wrong to cover a lie with another lie.

Post # 8
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hi -I’m very sorry you are stressed about this.  I understand it is very stressful when you are going through it and you might feel dirty or weird about it.

I think you’d be wildly surprised to find out how many people have had the same issue you experienced.  This is very common.  I personally don’t think you need to tell your Fiance unless you really, really feel you need to.  If you choose to, I think you need to be armed with lots of information about how common it is and what a common procedure it is.

The statistic is crazy…something like 2 of 3 women get that type of HPV.  The issue is that it sometimes turns into bad cells while for most folks your body fights it off all on its own.

I don’t know that I’ve ever told my Darling Husband that I’ve had the procedure.  It’s not cause I’m hiding it from him, it’s because it’s not a big deal to me.

Post # 9
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would never keep it a secret from my SO.  FYI, this is very common.  I lived in a house with 6 girls and every single one of them, except for me by some chance grace of God, had surgery to remove cervical cells after contracting hpv.  Every one of them!  My sister only did it once and she even had this happen!

Post # 10
Member
9688 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@secrets:  ((HUGS)).  This is nothing you did wrong!  HPV is so common now anyway.  Please don’t feel bad.  This is not a horrible secret or anything for you to be ashamed of.  I don’t see why you need to tell your Fiance, but if you want to, go ahead.  You had a minor health issue caused by an innocent mistake and you got it cleared up.  Don’t beat yourself up about it anymore.  Unless you outright lied to your Fiance about your virginity or something, I wouldn’t worry about it.  I wouldn’t even think of telling him, but that’s your call.

But don’t feel bad about yourself for something that was never your fault in the first place.  Besides, that guy may not have even known he had it, either.  But he should not have lied to you about being tested when he wasnt.  Or maybe he was tested and it didn’t show up.

I wish you all the best!

Post # 11
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

First of all what you have is really common, and I doubt anyone going to think you are slut. However when you are getting married to someome it’s important to be honest and open. I would never keep that from my Fi

Post # 12
Member
4416 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I also wanted to throw in that when I first went to my current gyno, I was answering all the usual questions and when I was asked about Save-The-Date Cards, I sighed deeply and said “I have had HPV.” The doctor laughed and said, and this is a DIRECT QUOTE: “That’s not considered an STD anymore.”

So don’t feel ashamed about this! Please!!!

Post # 13
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you should definitely tell him. It’s so common, I really don’t think it’s anything to be embarrassed about.

Post # 14
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree that you need to tell your Fiance about this, I know it’s scary because you’ve kept it a secret for so long but it’s important that he knows so he can support you if that time comes instead of him being pissed he was never told. Just try and relax and let him know what’s going on.

Post # 15
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Tell your Fiance straight away. If he’s any kind of man he’ll be upset over the fact that he could have been comforting you and talking to you about this before, so you didn’t have to go it alone. BUT, he won’t be mad about the circumstances that led up to it, he’s just going to want to make sure you’re ok. You need to share the burden and let him be part of this pretty significant thing in your life. He needs to know, but I don’t think you need to worry about what will happen when you tell him.

Post # 16
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think you need to tell him.  This is so common that I’d be SHOCKED if he would judge you for it.  You’ll need (and I’d think want) his support if something comes up abnormal again and you need another LEEP procedure or something.

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