Post # 1
Hey bees, so I’ve heard it’s normal to grow apart from certain friends after getting engaged — has this happened to any of you? Right before I got engaged (and could sense it was coming) I told one of my best friends hesitantly. She’s always made derogatory statements about me “not being fun anymore” because I’m “basically married,” aka I stopped staying out until 3am with her which was mainly because I can’t handle drinking like that anymore. She told me she was happy for me but not to talk to her about “dresses or any of that.”
In general she won’t spend time with my fiancé and I together and is incredibly awkward when she is around him. She’s queer and pretty vehemently anti-man and as of late is becoming more anti-heteronormativity which she openly discusses. The weekend I got engaged she completely ignored me. It took a few weeks of me trying to see her for her to finally be available to hang out. Not wanting to annoy her I mostly kept the conversation about her dating life. I’ve been desperately trying to cling to our friendship because I really care about her and loved the friendship we had but it’s impossible to get her to respond to me these days. When we do talk I never bring up wedding planning even though I’m excited about it for fear that she’ll shut down.
I know we’re just growing apart but it sucks! Anyone else have a similar experience?
Post # 2
I’m sorry, but she’s not a good friend. She sounds jealous and controlling.
There’s no reason she can’t hang out with the both of you. Her not doing that shows that she wants you all to herself. Again, controlling.
Just remember: True friends will always be there for you, and they don’t let petty things like an engagement get in the way.
Post # 3
I agree, this person does not sound anything like a friend. She should be happy for you, or at least act normal towards you (not ignoring and avoiding you). I’m sorry that the friendship seems to be over but you will be better off without her 🙁
Post # 4
She’s just not that into you.
Post # 5
Didn’t lose any, but sure did feel that a couple best friends were less supportive that I had imagined or hoped they would be. I get that they won’t ever be as excited about my life event as I, the main character would be of course. So I only mentioned my engagement and brief wedding plans like once in a couple months. And to have them skim-read through and not remembering anything I said afterward, when I was there for them listening for hours to their breakup sob stories all the time, hurt.
Post # 6
I lost a friend when she got engaged. I understand that planning a wedding is super time consuming and stressful, so I just offered to help and left her to her devices. I asked to hang out every now and then but, aside from meeting up once right after her engagement (which I now realise was just so that she could show off her ring), I didn’t see her until her Destination Wedding because she was always busy. I get it.
Fast forward to a few months after her wedding, she’s still basically AWOL. Whenever we do make plans, she either cancels last minute (“oh you mean THIS Sunday, as in tomorrow? I meant next Sunday, sorry!”) or bails early (e.g. we make dinner plans, she gets one drink and then leaves because her husband is making dinner for her…like he does every night).
Final straw was when she didn’t turn up to my wedding (and didn’t tell me until a week after the RSVP deadline), saying she’ll celebrate with us later. Turns out she had made plans with her other half for the SAME WEEKEND, despite having had 3 months notice of our wedding and telling us they’d definitely come, had already booked a hotel for it, etc.
Basically, marriage does change people. Even just in the small ways. Like, she started referring to her other half as HER HUSBAND constantly (even though she’s known me longer than she’s known him, I know her other half well, I’ve been out with them on double dates etc.) and being super flakey. Some people forget their friends, and make their whole lives about their other half. I understand that getting married does change things and shift priorities, but it shouldn’t make you abandon your friends entirely. I certainly didn’t.
EDIT: Sorry, that was a bit of a spin off from the other perspective! FWIW, I also lost a friend or two when I got engaged! It’s true when they say that weddings bring out the worst in people. Some ‘friends’ were flat out jealous (‘I can’t be happy for you when my own life isn’t going to plan’ – actual quote!) and some were mad that I didn’t want to go out and party like a college kid, which made me ‘officially boring’. It can be a real eye opener. And it doesn’t sound like your ‘friend’ is a true friend to you at all.
Post # 7
Some people change when they get engaged. Some people expect people to change when they get engaged and let that expectation sour their friendship. Some people just suck as people. Your friend sounds like numbers 2 and 3.