(Closed) Ever say "you're uninvited" after never receiving RSVP? Poll!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: To ease stress, should I . .
    Just give the caterer inflated numbers, suck up the cost and freeze the extra food : (9 votes)
    14 %
    Assume given their behavior they won't show anyways, don't give #'s to caterer : (16 votes)
    25 %
    End all caterer worries and just tell the non-rsvping they missed the deadline : (40 votes)
    62 %
  • Post # 3
    6355 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I would book numbers according to who RSVPed yes on time. I would wait a few days past the deadline to do this (just in case there are any stragglers who did try to make the deadline but didn’t quite).

    I would not say anything to those who missed the deadline, but if they contact me later trying to RSVP yes, I would tell them I’m sorry but the booking was already made.

    Post # 4
    2286 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: Central Park

    “I’m sorry but our caterer needs final numbers and we can no longer accomodate fluctuating schedules.”

    Post # 5
    3300 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Not for nothing; I don’t consider “at home receptions” to be as formal as weddings and generally speaking would only attend one if I already happened to be available. That said, I would try to RSVP but it doesn’t seem that strange to me that some folks didn’t take off work to attend your reception


    Post # 6
    8576 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    This sucks, I know.

    But you have to understand that people have jobs and lives and sometimes they can’t get off the time for a wedding, I know my work is very very iffy on it. I can’t ask for more than 3 days off [combined, not all at once], and it’s not guarenteed that I’ll get those.

    When it comes to RSVP’s, I would just let them know that you put them down as a “no”, since you need to know now, not weeks later.

    Post # 7
    1849 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Overjoyed:  I’m sorry, I completely disagree. A reception for a wedding is a reception for a wedding. It’s petty to act like it’s not important or formal because they weren’t there for the ceremony. Don’t say anything to them, but if they try to RSVP yes a few days before the event, tell them that the caterer has already been given a head count, but they’re welcome to stop by before or after dinner. If they’re going to ignore your requests, they don’t need a free expensive meal on your dime. 

    Post # 8
    1623 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Give your caterer the number count you have now.  Most likely, many of those who haven’t confirmed will not attend and are just slacking getting in the RSVP.  Normally your caterer will let you give the final, final count like 3 days before (pending it’s not going to change a ton, maybe only like 3-5 people).  Ask them if they can accommodate this.  I’m sorry you’re going through this, I know it’s frustrating.

    Edit:  I also had a number of no-shows, I think like 8 or so, for dinner (I had a large wedding, 325 guests), so that may also help off-set some of the people who may RSVP late or jsut show up.

    Post # 9
    2295 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    After our RSVP deadline (5 weeks before the wedding), we called/facebooked/texted/emailed/had family or friens contact everyone. We finally got answers from all but two people. One person is someone that is just really unreliable, the other is one that we aren’t sure if he still lives where we have his address (didn’t get the invite or STD back though) and if he still has the same phone number – Fiance worked with him and he left the company. They did not respond to us at all. For those that did respond and tell me they needed more time to sort it out, I told them I needed a firm answer by X date and they all got back to me in that time frame.

    After chasing those two non-responders via phone/email/facebook/text for two weeks, 3 weeks before the wedding we MAILED them a nice card (photo of us on the front) with language similar to this:

    “Dear John,

    We’re so sorry we haven’t been able to reach you to get your RSVP for our wedding. Because we had to give the caterer a final headcount, we have marked you as unable to attend. You will be missed at the wedding and we hope to see you sometime soon! Please let us know if your address or phone number has changed so we can stay in touch.

    Mark and Sally555-111-1234″

    Fiance was a little hesitant about mailing the card, but I figure they are the ones that are being rude by not responding to any form of contact and I just couldn’t stand to have people hanging out there as unknowns. He agreed once I asked him to put himself in their shoes. I need to get the seating chart printed about a week before the wedding, and with my luck, they’d RSVP “Oh yeah, we’ll be there” like 5 days before the wedding. I don’t care if people show up without an RSVP, I was more worried that they’d RSVP after I’d gotten everything printed and set, so then we need to figure out how to accommodate them. If they show up without an RSVP, at least then it isn’t a surprise when they have to be seated at some stupid extra table.

    Post # 10
    1830 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I only gave my venue the numbers for who RSVP this was after I made several attempts at contacting my non RSVPers to get a yes or no from them, I got several yes’s when reaching out to people directly. Once my final numbers went in the few people I never heard from got an email the week before the wedding advising them that since my final numbers were due and I never heard from them regarding their status I had to put them down as regrets and they will be missed at the wedding. We had no problems what so ever.

    Post # 11
    5242 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    This drives me nuts!!!! My RSVP date for our at home reception is March 31st and I probably only have about 25% back so far!!!! Soooo annoying!!

    Post # 12
    464 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Hmm, my wedding is only up to forty headcount.

    We’re going to specify an RSVP date on the invitations as well as a link to our website (might do a QR code too) which will say PLEASE respond on time. If I have time, I’ll call within a week of the date.

    After that date, well, it’ll just be too bad.  In the real world, we work to deadlines and when they’re missed there’s consequences.  Non-RSVPers will get an announcement after the fact.

    Post # 14
    3300 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Taeyers:  No need to be sorry. Disagreement is a part of life 🙂 I wanted to clarify, though. My opinion is due to the fact that I am having a Destination Wedding and an at-home reception and totally don’t view the two events the same way. Afterall, the whole reason I’m having an at-home reception is to celebrate with people I didn’t deem “close” enough to invite to the actual wedding (sounds horrible, I’m sure. But whatevs). And to an extent, I’m sure people perceive that. So, I kinda feel like if I couldn’t be bothered to invite you to my actual wedding, it doesn’t bother me if you can’t be bothered to attend the consolation party.

    That said, I still try very hard to RSVP whenever I am invited to anything and would appreciate the same courtesy from any invitees.



    Post # 15
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Yeah I would just say I had to have my final numbers, you couldn’t tell me one way or the other so I had to go with out you included.

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