Ever waited so long that you lost interest and said no when he finally proposed?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
2429 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

 sarah156 :  This is exactly the point of being with a guy who doesn’t want to get married. He is wasting time of both. 

I don’t feel sorry for the guy. No man ever hesitated when he wanted to be with one woman, over another. 

Post # 32
Member
33 posts
Newbee

macpartyoftwo :  Agreed.

I had an ex who said if I proposed he would say no (needless to say, it didn’t last). I have also heard of other guys who say the same thing, which is BS to me. I would straight up leave a man who refused my proposal with no better reason than “it’s not traditional” or “I wanted to be the one to do it” *cue male temper tantrum*.

Post # 33
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

macpartyoftwo :  But if you’ve made it clear that you want to get married, you basically have proposed. If you’ve had conversations about it, and your SO has said he’s not ready, what do you think a formal proposal from you will change? 

Post # 34
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

macpartyoftwo :  There is no functional difference between saying “I want to get married now” and “will you marry me; here’s a ring.” You can’t take charge of what another human will or will not do. If the person you are with will not marry you then you need to leave. That being said, I have zero sympathy for the guy who wasted all her time then now decided he would like to commit. 

Post # 35
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Yep. It went on almost 7 years, when I realised that he was just a person full of excuses and lies. I didn’t get a proposal, so I didn’t say no and leave, but the stalling of engagement was definitely one of the factors that led to me realising that it was never going to work.

Post # 36
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

clec :  No ring on the finger, must not linger!!!

Post # 37
Member
600 posts
Busy bee

Yes I thought I was there after 6 years, but then I brought it up to him and he said let’s make it happen I love you and want to be with you. If I kept waiting, it probalby would have been another year or two and I would have become resentful. 

Post # 38
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

impatient1 :  I believe the difference is that you will have a solid answer, right away, with no waiting game. No waiting for years upon years. I completely agree about not having sympathy for the guy who has been dragging her along, but at some point we have to put our desires into actions.

Post # 39
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

macpartyoftwo :  A formal proposal does not guarantee a solid answer. These women aren’t hoping that their bf reads their mind and proposes; they are asking questions and not getting answers. Now, if you aren’t getting a “yes” then the answer is no, but doing a formal proposal isn’t going to help anymore than than all the proceeding conversations about marriage timelines. 

Post # 40
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee

clec :  dated 5 years and he waited until the very last few days of my walk date to propose.  We had other problems but him making me wait too long just broke me. I gave him back the ring a couple months after he proposed. I don’t regret it..

Post # 41
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee

macpartyoftwo :  Yea but a lot of men still live in caves and would not be happy being asked. I’m a feminist and it’s 2018 but men and women still carry a lot of traditional role baggage.

Post # 43
Member
5880 posts
Bee Keeper

macpartyoftwo :  Agree, if I had to do it over again I would just cut through the waiting b.s. and propose myself. 

If a guy wants to be the one to propose, then he should be aiming for sooner rather than later- he can’t piss about for years and then say Oh but I wanted to do it! You stole my speshul man moment!

And this notion that the man should propose is outdatedly sexist and heteronormative. Isn’t it amazing how all of these ‘traditional’ men are happy to have their wives bring home a paycheque? So they don’t get to pick and choose when it’s convenient for them to act like it’s still the 1950s. 

Post # 44
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  Or my favorite- the guys who want you to move in with them and split bills and fuck them regularly but the proposal is a man’s job Phillygirl93 let’s do it right!

Post # 45
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee

clec :  Yes, he cried and begged but I gave him 30 days notice to move out of my house. Took him a month or two to leave me alone after he moved. Blocked him on my phone, social media all that Jazz.

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