Ever waited so long that you lost interest and said no when he finally proposed?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

DanaWeddingGuest :  I like your niece. Lol! This is exactly the conversation I had with my husband earlier in our dating life. I told him that if he wasn’t ready to propose after 2 years of dating (we talked about this in the first few  Months of dating), that I wasn’t going to wait around. And if we weren’t the right fit, I wanted to know sooner rather than later. He knew that was my timeline and he had a similar goal towards marriage. He actually proposed on our 2 yr anniversary. 

I’ve never really understood waiting around for so long. 

Post # 47
Member
5005 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2018

I had the “shit or get off the pot” convo with my FH early on too. He was on the same page, saying he was a “date to marry” guy, which was important to me. We eventually had a rough timeline of getting engaged after our 2nd anniversary and getting married a year after that, which I was fine with. But he bumped up his own timeline by over a year and we’re having a 7-month engagement. Now we’ll be married before our 2 year anniversary. 

Post # 49
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

reading so many of these posts is depressing for me. I’ve been waiting for what seems like forever. Sure we have had talks about marriage, but months have passed and nothing! He’s just “not ready.” It’s been such a long waiting game that I can’t even tell you how long we’ve been together off the top of my head. …”officially” i guess 6 years. My resentment is really settling in and making itself cozy. I don’t know what I would answer if he really asked. It seems now as a “what’s the point?” We haven’t really celebrated our anniversary’s, I actually have dreaded the day these past two years, as they are uneventful and unspecial. Geez. I can totally understand the being in a relationship out of convenience.

Post # 50
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2022

modestymay :  I’m sorry bee 🙁

Maybe its time to consider other options…? Sorry if im prying! Good luck to you either way!

 

As for the original post, I’ve been fortunate enough to not know any cases like this personally, but its pretty sad for this to happen in the first place in my opinion.

Post # 51
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee

modestymay :  this is really sad. Could you talk to him about this and be honest about your feelings? The messages on here about marriage etc are what’s made my recent break up easier to accept. My ex never wanted to, at least not with me, it’s been constant ‘you need to be patient and stop asking’ and stuff.  And that I shouldn’t want to talk about it. 

Post # 52
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee

We had the mutual “shit or get off the pot” convo. I made it very clear, I was looking for someone who wanted to commit to me 100% none of the “fuckboy” bullshit. He was great with that and had no issue.

We had marriage discussions early and frequently, he made it clear from the get go that marriage was something he wanted I made it clear, I was happy with being committed, but I wasn’t ready to discuss marriage yet, once I was there emotionally and mentally we put it on the table.

I’ve had the “shit or get off the pot” conversation, with any relationship I thought had staying power around the 6 month mark. I’m not dating for the sake of dating.

Post # 53
Member
498 posts
Helper bee

secondtimer18 :  ” I felt like he had his life planned as he wanted and I was just tagging along, doing whatever he decided. “

 

I actually think this describes most men and how they see their long term women

Post # 54
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

I didn’t leave my ex specifically for this, but.a main component in my leaving is he just wouldn’t get married.  I remember asking him at a bar with a vague date and he said yes, and he made me tell my mom knowing all along it wasnt going to happen.  He didnt pay taxes and needed someone around that he could put all his stuff under their name.  I remember on our 2 year anniversary trip, I found a vintage ring at a pawn shop for like $300 and he debated it, but wouldn’t buy it.  The salesman was trying to get him to, and i remember feeling so embarrassed. We were together 4 years.

My current bf is the man I’ll marry, but he will be slow about it.  We are in our 30s, no kids, never been married.  Together a little over 3 years and lived together almost that long.  He is kind of slow with life in general, but we talk about marriage and I know if I said let’s do it now he would.  We just began discussing rings, but it feels like such a superficial conversation to me.  I did say I wanted to get married in 2020, like in the winter.  I just want a quick elopement so I havent ruled that out.  We dont want kids so I dont feel on a super strict time line, but I would say I’m pretty ready and have debated asking him a couple times.  He’d say yes but I know he would prefer giving me that special moment.

Post # 55
Member
843 posts
Busy bee

Shinytoy :  That’s a bit of a cynical generalization. Personally, I’ve observed men learn new languages, relocate cross-country, and move continents for long-term partners they truly value and see as equals.

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