(Closed) Every feel like brides are trying too hard?

posted 8 years ago in Decor
Post # 32
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I just posted the other day about how I wish I’d gotten married before Pinterest and wedding blogs became so big.  I feel all of this pressure to have a unique yet classy wedding that isn’t a dime a dozen–whatever that even means.

Post # 33
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think that your wedding day should be however you want it to be, whether overdone or unoriginal.

Post # 34
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@fzesguer:  This is what I fear will become of my wedding because I look online for inspiration and end up saying “I want this exactly!”

I’m the same way. My latest obsession is mismatched china. I never thought I would have china at my wedding, but the photos I’ve seen are absolutely beautiful, and now I’m convinced I have to have it!! 😉

Post # 35
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@KCKnd2:  AMEN. I get so sad when people knock on outdoor/country/rustic weddings and how overdone they are. I’m just like… but, this really is my life guys. I wear cowboy boots every day, I raise cows, I’m from a town of 60 people! Give me a break and let me have my damn mason jars without guilt!

Post # 36
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Pinterest is the devil. I’ve had to shut myself down several times after starting to obsess over some silly detail that doesn’t even fit with what I’m doing. Those weddings are gorgeous but very not me. Anyone who knows me would probably side eye me pretty hard if I did the rustic/barn/mason jar thing. That said it’s still pretty hard not to second guess everything as not unique enough or amazing enough or worry that my wedding will look lame if everything’s not perfectly staged. It’s hard not to try too hard with all the pretty pictures and the sense that unless you’re super creative/crafty/have deep enough pockets your wedding won’t measure up.

Now to just finish convincing myself to just do my thing and stop obsessing over chivari chairs. I know I only want them for pictures which is a pretty dumb reason to spend a ton of money when I’m already try to clamp down on the budget -.-

Post # 37
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee

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@EffieTrinket:  I know, right? I grew up on a farm, too, and I gotta say …

Now, before I do, I promise that I am NOT hating on all the rustic barn weddings out there. They are very pretty. A restored, refurbished barn can make a lovely setting for an event, as the pictures amply prove. One of my favorite restaurants is a renovated stable and it’s really cool inside.

But they’re clearly not real, functional barns – and for very good reason. I would never want to have a wedding in a barn, because of things like vermin, and dirt, and manure. Nobody would. Something about having it in a “fake barn,” though, feels kind of staged. If you happen to have a really great space that you have a connection to, though, and you can make it work, more power to you.

Post # 39
Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@EffieTrinket:  I think the system is kind of broken. Sometimes I feel like if (A.) I can’t afford to provide  lobster and celebrity chef cake, and (B.)  I don’t have the time to hand-embroider 150 napkins in the midst of taking flower arranging courses, dyeing my crinoline and creating tiny favors of handcrafted strawberry jalapeno jam with little individualized personalized tags, then I should probably just not even bother. (With the wedding, I mean. not the marriage.)

I couldn’t agree with this more.  We’re still in the early stages of planning and I’ve already had several moments where it’s like, “I just want to give up on actually having a wedding!  It’s too expensive and time consuming and it will never look exactly the way I want it to because we don’t have a huge budget and I’m not great at “crafty” things!”  When I do take a step back I realize I’m just acting crazy.  It will be great because we’ll be celebrating with our closest family and friends … Not because we served bacon-wrapped filet mignon and had customized wedding favors for every guest.

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@iheartmarshall:  I do think brides do try too hard (myself included).  For me, it’s more of a need to show everyone invited a good time.  I think for others (like the girl you mentioned in the original post), it’s a need to be trendy and/or featured on Pinterest, a wedding blog, etc.  I definitely agree that no matter what, the wedding should somehow showcase the couple.  We are definitely not “rustic chic” or “country chic” people, so we would never consider doing something like that no matter how trendy it is.  I think people would walk in and be like, “What the hell?!?!?  Are we in the right place?”  Haha.

Side note, I’m actually originally from Huntington.  Do you live there, or did you just go to Marshall?  Either way, it’s nice to see someone else from the area on the Bee.  Smile

Post # 40
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

On the other hand, why must a wedding totally reflect the couple’s personality? Can’t they just think something is pretty? Reminds me of this.

I totally understand what you mean by people trying too hard, but just because someone is going along with a trend doesn’t mean they are.  I’m getting married in a barn and I have no connection to living on a farm.  I do have a connection to VT where we are getting married and the barn happened to be a beautiful site within our budget.   I think it’s easy to think things are overdone or too popular, but you have to remember that people who frequent weddingbee or pinterest have much more exposure to these trends.  The average wedding guest might not have really been exposed to the barn thing or the mason jar thing etc.

 

Post # 41
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@Puppy Love:  + 1. I’m also confused at how you can “try too hard” and “just copy something”. I would say that I probably am “trying too hard” to have an authentic, beautiful, yet inexpensive day for my fi and I and our loved ones when I could just go to the courthouse. Is all the research, blogging, posting, etc. I’m doing for the wedding neccessary? Absolutely not, but it’s something I really enjoy!!

EDT. I read the other posts and I think I understand now more what you meant, OP, and I do agree: if you’re trying too hard to fit some aesthetic that isn’t true to you or isn’t something you really like, then I think it’s the wrong choice. You should do what’s right for you–whether it’s super-ritzy or super-crafty or super-simple or whatever!!

Post # 42
Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@MmeVT:  On the other hand, why must a wedding totally reflect the couple’s personality? Can’t they just think something is pretty?

Good point.  I guess when I think about what I’d like some of it is just stuff I think is cute or pretty … But I also want to make sure our personalities are represented in some of the details.  

Post # 43
Member
358 posts
Helper bee

YES!! I am continually shocked my the amount of money, stress, and time that people spend getting caught up in having the “perfect” day. Our park wedding will be completely untraditional, beautiful, inexpensive, simple and stress free and will keep us focused on celebrating the day with my love and our close friends and family

Post # 44
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Honestly?  I’m trying my butt off.  I am trying way too hard.  And I don’t care who knows it.  Wedding planning is hard, and it requires me to try really, really hard.

I’ve wanted a rustic barn wedding for a very, very long time, because I love old barns.  I pull over my car to take photos of them when I see them.  My fiance and I love hiking and kayaking and cooking and farm shares and forests.  We got engaged while camping after a trip through the midwest looking at barns and farms.

But I can’t have one, because they’re popular now, and I can no longer afford to have a wedding in a barn.  It costs $5000-$10,000 just to use an old barn, and they provide nothing.  So instead, I’m having a much cheaper wedding with way better food and a view of a lighthouse on the river at a nice hotel.  I’m finding a way to make it me, because I am a multi-faceted person and we are a multi-faceted couple who also love dancing and hot jazz and New Orleans and movies from the 30s.  But it’s really, really hard to figure out all the details and how they should fit together – can’t pick the one vendor till you pick the other vendor, which hinges on some other decision, etc, etc, etc.

But I am a little sad that the trends have my dream of a simple rustic country wedding where I grew up impossible to book, and impossible to pay for, thanks to all the city people coming up to “play” country for the day.

Post # 45
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@KCKnd2:  lol 

My first wedding reception in 1990 was in a renovated 100 year old barn on a horse farm that I worked at. The owner of the farm had torn down and then rebuilt the barn turning the lower level into an apartment for her when she stayed in the farm, a restaurant quality kitchen and upstairs the ‘hayloft’ was converted into a full dance floor with sliding ‘French’ barn doors across the back with a deck that ran along the outside overlooking the outdoor showring. It was gorgeous! The pictures around the completely renovated historic Victorian house and the barn with the massive gardens were beautiful and the compliments from guests were many. For me it was inexpensive (read free!) and for a farm girl born and raised who continued on into a career with horses it definitely fit my personality. I find it interesting how so many people are having weddings like this now especially the ones that have never set foot on a farm! lol

ETA: I also wore a blush gown which back then was unheard of but is gaining such popularity now…hmmm…strange…

This time we are going in a completely different direction….again because it fits our personalities. FH and I met onstage during a rehearsal of A Christmas Carol (full Victorian costume). We are both amateur actors and have been onstage together many times since. I can say that we both like to be a little ‘over the top’ at times especially when onstage and love all things that go with the theatre such as dressing up and being a ‘character’. So this time I picked out my (purple) dress and after showing FH picture after picture of ideas for him, he picked a very beautiful brocade tailcoat with brocade vest and tophat and our Steampunk wedding planning started! I love it because it pays homage to where and when we met as well as one of the things in our life that we love doing with each other…being onstage.

I do believe that your (you as a couple) wedding should reflect the two of you. It does not have to be complicated or expensive…just something that reflects who you are….and yes, my children have never questioned why my first marriage was in a barn (they grew up there too!) and they aren’t questioning now because they know me…and well…maybe we are a little weird but it’s a weird that fits! 😉

Post # 46
Member
595 posts
Busy bee

lol I think people get overly excited about their wedding day and they go all out with things. It’s normal to be so excited and make sure every little last detail is in perfect place. I however really am not going to go nuts. I don’t plan on spending a ton of money on it either. You can have a decent wedding that isn’t worth 30k.

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