(Closed) Every feel like brides are trying too hard?

posted 8 years ago in Decor
Post # 63
Member
3660 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

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@mjoyelle:  That is a very interesting observation. And what a buzzkill, that you ‘ve loved old barns for years and now that it would be appropriate for a wedding, that is the venue du jour and you can’t get one booked.

Actually, I had not know that barns were wedding worthy until I read posts on WB, but you are right, they are all over the place.

 

Post # 64
Member
3660 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

This thread is funny, glad that everyone can laugh at themselves!

Post # 65
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Weddings like that only look overdone and original to people who spend alot of time pinning wedding stuff on pinterest. To everyone else (the majority of guests) they look beautiful.

Why not just be happy for her for planning a lovely day? Wedding planning is hard enough.

Post # 66
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee

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@PromiseRooster:  I see where you’re coming from, but at the same time, how many couples played as children in the hotel ballroom in which they were married, etc?

I’m not sure that the physical location of a wedding needs to reflect the life history of a couple– I mean honestly there are a limited number of places or types of places to get married, and most weddings have a lot of similarities.

Point taken, but you are overgeneralizing the example and, in doing so, missing the point. A hotel ballroom is a pretty conventional venue choice for a wedding; a barn is (or was, up until recently) a fairly UNconventional wedding location. My point is, if you’re going to choose something unconventional, it make a lot more sense when there’s something about it that relates to the couple, or to one of them. When it’s totally arbitrary, just being unconventional for its own sake, that’s when it feels try-hard.

And even among conventional locations, like churches or parks, when there is a connection to the couple it adds a nice touch. Weddings ARE very similar, so one of the things that can make “the same old wedding” special to the couple is if it’s not just in a random church or park we shopped around for so we’d have pretty pictures – it’s in OUR church, the faith community we belong to, or OUR park in the city where we make our lives, etc.

And, as I said previously, I’m not trying to hate on barn weddings (or hotel ballroom weddings or park weddings or weddings in a church the couple doesn’t attend or whatever). Just saying that when a bride/couple does something in an attempt to break the mold, it can come off as “totally perfect for that couple,” or “totally arbitrary,” and I think most people appreciate the former.

Post # 67
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My eyes glaze over when I see recaps of weddings that look like they were styled specifically to get on Style Me Pretty or whatever the blog du jour is – they always have all the same “detail” shots (my eyes glaze over when it comes to most detail shots – I just don’t see that as being the meat and potatoes of a wedding and nowadays those tend to be the majority of pictures that people post). However I agree with PromiseRooster that a building of whatever type is just a physical shell that a party can go in. Not everyone has an inherently meaningful space to use – my husband and I aren’t part of a church and the only meaningful place for us would have been our home, which was logistically not feasible. We chose a city that’s meaningful to us but the historic home and restaurant where we had the celebration didn’t “reflect” us beyond the fact that we just liked them.

Barns weren’t conventional until recently but they have now become a conventional option and will probably stay that way. So now when people are ticking down the list of possible venues, they can choose from hotel ballroom, historic home, B&B, barn, park pavillion, museum, family home or whatever else appeals. And that’s a good thing. I’m glad the options for weddings have become more broad-ranging because not everyone’s heart sings at the idea of a hotel ballroom. Yeah most of the people who have barn weddings right now are being heavily influenced by trends in the media (whether they are aware of this or not) but they’re having the wedding they want and they probably don’t particularly care if their mason jars, signs painted on unfinished food, mismatched china and textiles will be a time stamp. And I do think this particular type of wedding (not necessarily all weddings in barns but all the samey rustic detail stuff you see on Pinterest) will fade from the spotlight soon because it’s been popular for years, and in the blog era, years is a long time for a trend to stay current.

Back to the original point about trying too hard – I agree that it’s too hard when it leads to a fixation on having the wedding recaps and pictures validated by strangers on the internet. That’s really not the point of a wedding. I see that as a symptom of Facebook culture where if we can’t brag about an experience to everyone we know (and many we don’t), it might as well have never happened. 

Post # 68
Member
3765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I commnted earlier, but feel like venting. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not trying hard enough. I’m going to have a simple, run of the mill banquet hall. It’s plain, but the hall has sentimental value to Fiance and I. Decor will not be throwing up on it. We’ll have the typical stuff, linens, centerpieces, photos. But there aren’t twinkle lights anywhere, or DIY banners/signs/whatever. No monogram light, or photo booth with props.

I worry that people expect me to be busting my ass to DIY stuff and make it look like a magazine. Sorry, I just don’t have the time or money for that. It’ll be pretty, people will have fun, the food will be delish. It will be what Fiance and I want. But sometimes I worry it won’t be what people expect to see at a wedding anymore.

It’s irrational, I know. Everything will be beautiful, photos will look nice no matter what, etc etc. But every now and then I feel lazy seeing other brides’ photos.

Post # 69
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I frequently had to remind myself that the pictures should capture the feel of the wedding and not dictate the feel of the wedding. It’s terribly easy to find yourself feeling inadequate if you don’t have all the details to a T wrapped up in a fun little photo collage…but the truth is, the internet is a bunch of strangers, the people who were AT the wedding and saw the love didn’t CARE about the details.

That said, I won’t hate on how any other bride chooses to do her wedding, as long as she treats her guests and loved ones with respect. I’m so glad we have the option to pretty much do whatever we want for weddings, now.

Post # 70
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

What’s the deal with bunting? That’s what I’d like to know!

Post # 71
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@littlemisst08:  I always seem to repeat myself on this, but as a guest I promise you the things that make a wedding memorable are feelings – feelings that have nothing whatsoever to do with DIY (or other) details. If the bride and groom are in love and happy and having fun, if there are people there I enjoy spending time with, and if I had a good time mingling and/or dancing, I’m good (I’m great! – I love weddings!). That’s all I expect from a wedding. Part of the reason I think it’s silly to try SO hard with all the DIY details is that that stuff just doesn’t really matter at the end of the day. Yeah the details make for pretty photos – the very same pretty photos that cause my eyes to glaze over because they look pretty much the same from wedding to wedding. If that stuff makes people happy, more power to them, but please don’t think your wedding will be lacking anything important without them.

Post # 72
Member
3765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

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@Eglantine:  You are so right. And I know those feelings will be there because we’ll be happy and in love, and we have some amazing friends and family who will make for a fun celebration. There are a handful of little details here and there, and they are very personal, which I love. I totally agree with the “facebook culture” you mentioned in an earlier post. Without that culture, I’m not worried about my wedding’s appearance!

It felt good to vent and write that post, though. It’s there, and out of my system. Back to reality, haha.

Post # 73
Member
3660 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

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@Eglantine:  I love that your screen name is Eglantine. Whered’ya come up with that, may I ask?

Post # 75
Member
2946 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@EffieTrinket:  (post #6) THIS to the nth power!!!

When I planned my first wedding, Pinterest didn’t exist, and for some reason I never felt compelled to look at wedding websites. I had no ideas about themes or looks or types of glass or DIY as a thing. I just put together a bunch of things that said “Oh pretty!” to me. I lucked out on an amazing venue (historic inn with beautiful grounds), but the biggest reason we chose it was because the chef was nationally renowned. 

This time around, I started out going down the same route but veered into the interwebs and am now having to fight small (ok not so small) freakouts every so often. I don’t have a theme and sometimes worry that people will look down on the day for that reason. Nevermind that the venue is quite pretty and will be filled with beautiful tables. BUT I DON’T HAVE ANY MILK GLASS OR MISMATCHED CHINA OR MASON JARS!!! AAAAHHHH!!! My dress is exactly what I want, right down to the altered neckline and added straps. That hasn’t stopped me from questioning whether it’s going to be the right look and whether it goes exactly with the venue and vision of the day….breathe

Let me preface by saying I love WB and am so glad to have found such a supportive community. Now, at the same time, part of me thinks I need to just delete WB from my bookmarks, forget about TheKnot, and never ever visit StyleMePretty. It just works me up to an admittedly crazy place. 

Obviously I’m not saying it’s the fault of any website or person, nor do I think brides with the super cute ideas and themes and fantastic DIY projects are anything but awesome. It just triggers a need in me to try too hard.

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