Post # 1
I know she isn’t worth my time. I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man that was my FI’s old roommate. At the time of asking her I thought we could become better friends and I really thought she was interested in that. I asked her to stand up with me in April or May of 2010. We’ve hung out less than a handful of time since then and we’ve exchanged maybe five phone calls and text messages. I feel like she’s always putting me off, always promising something and then not follow through. And it doesn’t help that in the beginning of our friendship, after I asked her to stand up for us, I emailed her about how I always felt put off by her and she emailed me back a LOOONNNG message about me trying to rush our friendship.
Since then she has been the only one not to respond to any emails about the wedding. (which have been very few). She’s barely asked me about it. On top of all of this every time the idea of having a Maid/Matron of Honor comes up she says something like she thinks she was going to be the one we picked. I have still not decided if I am going to have one or not but if I do it certainly won’t be her.
I feel crazy sometimes for wishing she wasn’t standing up for me if she can’t respect me enough to talk to me. But I know Fiance wants her up there, no matter how flaky she is. In the end I will just deal with it, but I wish I would’ve thought longer about having her stand up. I’m sorry for bitching. I just wish I could get over the regret I have for having her be apart of my big day when obviously our friendship isn’t enough for her. I have someone else that I now wish I would’ve asked instead…but obviously won’t.
Post # 3
Oh no that sucks! Do you want to uninvite her to be a BM? If so maybe you could tell her something like you notice that she doesn’t seem very into being a part of the bridal party and that maybe it’s best if she come as a guest to the wedding instead. Not in a mean way but a nice tactful way. I dont understand why she doesn’t want to be involved since she was good friends with your Fiance (unless she is jealous) but seriously, this is YOUR day to celebrate with people you love and who love you, if you dont want her in your bridal party then she shouldn’t be there.
Post # 4
I would try to make it her idea to step down from being a BM, that way its not your fault.
Post # 5
If you aren’t that close, she might feel kind of awkward about being a Bridesmaid or Best Man and maybe that’s why she isn’t responding at all right now. I think the best solution would be to maybe wait a couple of weeks and stop emailing her, see if she approaches you. If not, I would talk to her in person or on the phone and give her an out. Don’t kick her out, but phrase it so that it’s 100% her decision, but the reason you are giving her the out is because you get the feeling it might be too much of a burden on her and you might have been a little hasty not considering that when you originally asked her.
Post # 6
Honestly, I don’t think it is fair that she should get to be in your bridal party at all. I mean, it’s not like she is being a good friend at all, and clearly she is not even trying. I think you are being nice and considerate of your Fiance in this situation trying to make him happy by having him up there, but have you told him what an ungrateful person she is being and how she doesn’t even seem interested in being your friend? I’ve made friends with people in a day before. I don’t get what she means by you “rushing” your friendship. That just sounds to me like she really doesn’t care about being your friend in the first place. This is your wedding too, and you shouldn’t have to stress about one of your BMs in this way. It’s totally not fair to you. I say you should talk to your Fiance about this. Let him know how you feel.
Just my two cents. 🙂
Post # 7
I’m sorry to hear you are going through that. It sounds like she is threatened by you and maybe a little jealous. Just my perception. To just assume she would be the Maid/Matron of Honor is very weird?! It’s YOUR bridal party – meaning YOUR peeps. She should be so lucky that you asked her to even be a BM! I think it would be a really good idea to give her an out. She may jump at the chance. Best case she does and everyone is happy! I hope everything works out for you and that you can let go of this stress. You have so much more important and happy things to look forward to! 🙂