(Closed) "Every woman wants to have kids"

posted 4 years ago in No Kids
Post # 2
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - The Meadows

I really hate that whole idea that if you don’t want kids, you’ll want them later. When I tell someone I’m not having kids, they always say “oh that’ll change.” Like, yes, opinions and decisions can change, but it really effectively turns my opinion into an invalid one. I don’t go to women who want to have kids, “oh that’ll change.” I just smile and nod and go on with my life. Because I can’t change other people, nor do I assume that my way is the best way for everyone.

It really is rude that women are negated to procreation all the time. I don’t exist to have a child. I exist for a multitude of other things, that involve myself and my true self worth.

Post # 3
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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sparkles8rosegold :  I agree, and secondly I think it is rude to assume or ask people when they are having children after they get married. It’s very insensitive. 

Post # 4
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I find comments like that really annoying and I’m not CFBC.  It’s no one’s business but the woman and her partner whether she should have kids or not.  I have a friend who has never wanted kids and she’s in her mid 30’s and still doesn’t want kids.  While I also know a few people who said they didn’t want kids and then changed their mind, that doesn’t mean everyone (or even the majority of people) are going to change their minds.  I wish we (especially as women) could just support each other’s choices to want/not want kids, marriage, etc. instead of tearing each other down for the choices we make that are best for ourselves.

Post # 5
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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sparkles8rosegold :  I think it is so rude to:

-Ask anyone when or if they are having kids

-Negate their answer by offering your own input onto when or whether they SHOULD have kids

-Tell them they will change their mind about anything kid related (awe, you’ll totally want kids one day; no no no you say you’ll only feed them that now but just wait; it’s so cute how you think you’ll only want one. bitch get out mah face.)

-Sum a woman’s entire existence and purpose on the earth into her decision to/not to have children. Like, look, whether you have kids or not or plan to or not, you are more than a mom/potential mom/not mom. 

If I keep going I’m gonna end up tailspinning into some rant about comments made to independent women who don’t think their entire universe revolves around a child and that will be threadjacking but anyway yeah that shit was rude

Post # 6
Member
4851 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

People who make a statement like that, so laced with vitriol, are out to be hurtful because they need to be right/feel superior to someone else. If all they have done on life is produced a baby, then  that’s all they have to feel superior over others with. People do this with lots of things, like money, diamond size, body superiority, job position, you name it. This one just went with baby producing. Whatevs. 

Post # 7
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

What bugs me is there’s rarely a follow up to that. Why will I change my mind? Are you implying that the sound of my (supposedly) screaming ovaries is more powerful than my brain? That eventually I will cave to societal pressure and can’t deal with being ostracized for having a dog instead of a baby? Are you from the future? Can I get next week’s lottery numbers?

When people make far reaching generalizations like that I instantly assume they have no real opinion and just want to force their life choices on other people.

Post # 8
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Also, I think it should be acceptable to tell moms who make comments like this that, “Awe, one day you’ll change your mind and decide you don’t want yours anymore.” THAT IS LITERALLY THE SAME THING but just the flipped viewpoint. But that would be horrifying, I’m sure.

#eyeroll

Post # 9
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee

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sparkles8rosegold :  

In my case she is partially right: “A funny guy won’t give you babies”

My husband is extremely funny and he won’t give me babies.  Which is good, because it means I don’t have to run around getting rid of them😜

But seriously what she said doesn’t bother me.  I’m familiar with her from watching her matchmaker show and I know she speaks in broad terms.  Instead of saying “most”, she says “all”.  That’s just her style.  She then tells the woman that she doesn’t know what she wants yet, and Patti does know what she will want.  Because Patti is a know it all, it’s part of her shtick, and it works for her.  Her job as a matchmaker necessitates her knowing better than you about what you really want or need.  

Not to mention, in many cases she will be correct.  People change their minds everyday, about all sorts of things.  

Post # 10
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

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sparkles8rosegold :  

It’s because most women want children and small minded ladies can’t imagine that some women may not want to take the same path. This is one reason why I’m glad that I’m 34. When people ask me my age after I say that I don’t want children, being 34 adds more weight to my decision because they assume that I’m old enough to know better. I don’t think that a younger woman cannot know what she wants though. 

Post # 11
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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mrsginger :  LOL. I have a LO but that comment is hilarious. It shows how flawed the logic really is! 

DH’s aunt loves kids, but never wanted any of her own. She is now 70 and child free, so she didn’t change her mind. 

I think it’s weird that people assume they have any right to knowledge of someone’s reproductive system. Whether it will be in use or not is NO ONE else’s business. 

I do feel like some people say they “don’t want kids” when they are at a stage in life where they aren’t ready but sometimes do end up choosing to have kids (while that is 100% their business, again) and that’s why people think “all” women will want kids eventually because “I know someone who said she wasn’t going to have kids and now she has children so she changed her mind.” And other women don’t want kids and don’t waver on that. 

While not CF, I didn’t have an overwhelming desire to be a mom or reproduce. Now that she’s here, she’s great and I love her, but my life wasn’t “missing” anything before her (and I feel that’s almost sacreligious to say in front of most people). 

Post # 12
Member
5158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

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sparkles8rosegold :  Did you mean Patti Stanger? I am not sure I consider Patti Stanger an expert on anything. She tends to be abrasive and has said some very offensive things in the past so it does not surprise me she would say this. She speaks in very general, stereotypical terms about everyone and anyone and has things she believes apply to everyone without question.

I also expect she is transferring her own desires here. She does not herself have children,and broke up with her long term boyfriend/fiance of like 8 or 9 years over it as she wanted them and he did not…and she was almost 50 at the time. 

Post # 13
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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mrstea83 :  yesss your last little bit there sums up my feelings so perfectly. I don’t have kids right now, and I don’t plan to have any for a few years (although we do want 1 or 2 later). But I don’t get why it’s so bad to say you’re complete without your child? Like, so, is everyone who can’t or doesn’t decide to have children just an incomplete mess who doesn’t know real love and hasn’t experienced life? Come on, that can’t be true.

Thanks for being a cool mom 😉

Post # 14
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery

As women, we have been systematically convinced that our lives are open to comments, ridicule, and judgement. We all experience it in different ways. I have a son and since the day he came out, people have asked me when I’m having another. When I tell them that I’m not sure I want another, I’ve had people try to convince me to the nth degree that I’m “just saying that right now” or I’m “selfish”. Even my own doctor (a woman btw) thinks that I just need more time then my view will change. 

It’s a shitty way to live…always having to convince people that you know what you want. Sure, the world has come a long way as far as how we as women are treated. But it has a LONG way to go. 

Post # 15
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee

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sparkles8rosegold :  I’m 40. I still dont want kids. I am perfectly content with my life as is. 

I have no idea who this chick is though. 

 

EDIT:

So I did a search and found this: http://www.eonline.com/news/494202/millionaire-matchmaker-s-patti-stanger-calls-not-having-kids-her-biggest-regret-opens-up-about-abortion-in-her-twenties

That maybe her biggest regret, but it sure as hell ain’t mine.

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