- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2010
I don’t really ever face anyone in my personal life telling me to my face I will change my mind, or that I will regret it, or anything like that. If anyone did I would eagerly ask them to put their money on it and make a bet with me. Could be a good retirement plan! But I doubt that enough people will take me up on it – as I get older it seems people just realize kids are not for me or not part of my life for whatever reason. Some know I don’t want them – I am honest if asked about whether I have, want, or plan to have kids – but it is not something I tend to volunteer out of the blue because for me it is just a fact about me, not what my life is all about. Those who know me know, those who don’t can assume whatever they want I guess.
It helps I also work with two other childfree women who are close in age, so at least at my workplace the fact some women don’t want kids and aren’t having them is pretty normalized. I don’t announce being childree at work, but generally people seem to have picked up on the fact I am not interested in babies, children, and so on (shutting the door when they are around is a good clue I suppose!)
One friend of ours who could NOT have kids (her and her husband are childless and came to terms with that a long time ago) once told my husband that I might regret it one day – though she did not say same to him – but I think she was coming from a very different perspective than I am as someone who had very much wanted kids. I did not take it personally, mainly because regret is neither something I expect to happen, nor something I fear.
I DO sometimes see and hear the “general” comments some make about people who do not want kids generally, and so on, and I just kind brush it off in person except to comment something about respecting other’s choices/autonomy. On the internet I might get a bit more vocal about it though. I don’t feel differently about it in person than on the internet, but I tend to think there are places for constructive argument, and places where it is not going to be constructive at all and just be argument.
The truth is also there ARE some young people who can’t imagine having kids at that point in their lives and do say they don’t want them, and may very well want them later, but that does not make it okay to tell anyone they will change their mind. I have also seen young people believe they in fact would have kids one day, and get older and realize they wanted the opposite for their lives – finding out that kids were not mandatory, that there were other things they wanted to focus their lives on, was eye opening for them. That does not mean I go around telling people who say they want kids “Just wait until you find a fulfillling career, you won’t want them then. Come talk to me in ten years, right now you’re stupid”.