Post # 61
I can relate. So many of my friends changed their attitudes toward me after having kids. I can accept when people say “you have no idea what it is to be a mother” because, well, it’s the truth and I can’t get mad at the truth (although they could adjust their tone sometimes). But when they go further in saying I don’t know anything about real life, the real world, real struggle, etc. it is disappointing because this means that as women we don’t become “real” or whole until we give birth.
I suspect that dep down your friend despises you because you represent the life she once had and will never have again and she hates to admit that there are some days she misses being childless. So she needs you to be “miserable” to feel better about her own situation. its sad really. If you’re truely happy you are happy for others no matter where they are in life.
Post # 62
I once had a boyfriend’s dad tell him that all 20 year old women want to get married and have babies and stay at home. I was in college at the time, planning on going to grad school.
We broke up soon after that and I’m now almost 29, not married (but deeply committed) and CFBC. The older I get, the less and less I want children, and while I try to ‘never say never,’ I’m definitely not feeling any biological clocks or anything.
I think that people sometimes make assumptions or overarching generalizations in order to feel more comfortable with their own choices. Not that there’s only one ‘right’ way to live, but I think sometimes it’s hard for people who have one specific view of an issue to understand someone else.
Post # 63
Your husband sounds awesome! I can’t believe that man asked your husband that, acting like you were just there to have kids and nothing else. Also, how he phrased it…I’m really surprised your husband didn’t deck him first and then let you drag him out of there.
Weirdly this reminds of me the Stepford Wives, where the men are sitting around drinking a beer and their wives are serving them while wearing tight outfits w/ high heels. The men have sex with the wives whenever they want and then the men go play golf. No idea why I thought of that movie lol.
Post # 64
I thought the same damn thing. She’s awful. She keeps blaming her abortion in her 20s but it doesn’t stop her from adopting kids like you’ve mentioned. But she’s probably one of those who feels as though she can’t have a kid without a husband. Gag. Absolutely ludricious. She strikes me as the type who feels that she needs a man for everything.
Post # 65
I hear this all the time as someone who is CFBC. I hate it. Along with other comments such as:
Who will take care of you when you are old? (Hint, not all children take care of their parents).
What will you do with life?
Oh, when you have a child, you’ll love them because they’re your’s?
Someday, hopefully our society will become more accepting of women who choose not to have children. Children aren’t the only option for women.
Post # 66
I GASPED IN HORROR!! It’s as if all your accomplishments, your life story means nothing unless you have a kid and apparently more than one! I can and can’t believe they’re still pushing ‘you still have time’ on you at 29.
I know you get your fair share of unnecessary “advice”. I remembered my best friend was told all kinds of things. And really, they were just shaming her on her choices because “THEY” wouldn’t do that. Hell, one day she ate a burger and got a lecture. It was her first burger after 6 months. But her husband could just WALK her to her ultrasound and people would be like ‘omgg he’s going to be the best father EVERRRR’.
Your friend sounds awful! Absolutely awful. I don’t understand mom friends who feel the need to throw their life into your face. She chose to have that kid. I don’t think my best friend has ever ever said that to me. Never. The closest she’s ever come to saying that was regarding how hard it is to date when you’re a single, divorced mother. Which it’s true, I didn’t understand but she never made me feel inferrior for not having a kid. That’s NOT a friend. A friend would support you regardless of what’s going on with your life (other than you know if you’re off murdering people and being a horrible being). A friend is supposed to lift you up not make you feel as though you’re being scorn by your parents. Those people are awful. And I wish your friend would wake up and smell the roses. She’s not better than you because she had a child. That’s absurd.
Rereading your story just makes me so mad. She sounds absolutely miserable. If you “admitting” you were jealous makes her day, she clearly has some unresolved issues.
Post # 67
The funniest thing I have heard is that it’s egotistical not to have children. To have kids is to contribute to the society. Not sure how that works tho…
Post # 68
In retrospect I can see that it was her way of dealing with insecurities. She always had to put somebody down in her group of friends and with motherhood it just got worse. There was a whole new level of meannes. It’s sad, I agree and I have to admit that after we parted ways my life got much easier.
Perhaps to some women having a baby is an achievement so great that they feel proud and it puts them above others?
I am lucky to have a friend who has stayed the same cool woman she’s always been. She very openly admitted that birthing was quite horrible and the motherhood freaked the hell out of her. I haven’t seen many moms that would admit difficulties, most just sigh and smile mysteriously cause everything is easy peasy, ahh-mazing and empowering. It’s like it’s still a taboo.
Post # 69
I’m lucky. I’ve only gotten a couple of ignorant comments about my decision, but that might be the part of the world I live in. my city has a really big CFBC population. about half of my friend group doesn’t have or want children. I have a few relatives who probably have something to say about it, but they’re smart enough to not bring it up in front of me.