(Closed) Everybody knows registries are meant for showers!

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 16
Member
5397 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
zulee :  OK that changes things. You didn’t even go and she expected a $100 gift for a shower? Oh hell no. Send a card and in it say I hope you like the (pot/pan/whatever). Yikes. 

Post # 17
Member
1985 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Sooo greedy. Bee you are good to give her $130

Post # 18
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
zulee :  Tell us what it was so when/if she comes on here to complain about getting ONLY a $130 crockpot—where’s my $$$$ ???, we can all gently correct her, lol. 

You are fine with your gift, don’t let her change who you are (meaning you could possibly get soured by her reaction and expectations) so give her the gift you wanted to give and have a good time!

Post # 19
Member
2480 posts
Buzzing bee

In my circle, we do a small ($25- $35) shower gift and then a bigger ($100 – $150) gift for the wedding. Your coworker is rude and greedy.

I *love* your comment about finding out who considered it a wedding gift after the wedding!

Post # 20
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

For me, it’s common knowledge that if there’s a shower taking place and a registry, then that registry is for shower gifts. I’ve never heard of people buying gifts off a registry and using that as a wedding gift, but I’ve also never been to a wedding where there are actual wrapped gifts being brought. A card box is always in the reception area and that’s where guests throw in their cards with cash/check etc. and that is the wedding gift. It’s also the norm for older women, in my circle, to still buy a gift/give a card with gift card or cash for the shower even if they’re not attending..and then there’s still a separate card given at the wedding. I think there’s a lot of variability when it comes to wedding “norms” since they’re dictated by culture/geography. Every wedding I’ve been to has been Polish, by the way. Good luck figuring this one out, bee!

Post # 21
Member
1155 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I will agree with other posters that it is common in my area to gift an item from the registry for the shower (if you’re invited), and another gift (typically cash) at the actual wedding. 
However, if you are not invited to the shower, it’s perfectly fine to gift anything (cash, registry item, other item) at the wedding. Also, some people invited to both the shower and wedding may want to give a physical gift at both, and that’s fine too (We had 2 or 3 that did this).  
My shower was small  compared to our wedding (20 vs 110 guests). I got mainly registry items but also others, at the shower, and 95% cash at the wedding. The few actual wrapped gifts we received at the wedding were not registry items, but they were beautiful and thoughtful gifts nontheless. 

OP, your coworker is rude and out of line to have unrealistic and greedy expectations. I’d simply bring a card wishing her well to the actual wedding. 

Post # 22
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I am from the UK and we don’t have showers so the registry is always for the wedding. Wow! I’m learning lots on the Bee! 

By The Way she sounds very rude. I think you handled it well. I love your comment haha. 

Post # 23
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
zulee :  I have actually never been to a shower with a registry.

Post # 24
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

View original reply
zulee :  Weird! I have never heard of that before. I didn’t have a shower because I think they are tacky and awkward, but if I had to attend one, I would make my total gift (shower plus wedding gift) add up to about $200 for me and DH. I didn’t have a shower, but we did have a registry and most people bought stuff from registry ahead of time and included a little note with the gift receipt or whatever. We didn’t get all that many physical cards at the wedding. If you want to be nice and temper her expectations, I suppose you could let her know. She sounds gift grabby, but you could let her know to not expect an expensive registry gift and cash just to get yourself off the hook. Older people gave us around $100 pp and younger people were closer to $75 each on average. 

Post # 25
Member
5018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

To avoid confusion, if I purchased a gift off of someones registry intended as a wedding gift I would have brought it with me to the wedding rather than send it to their home.

From where I am from if you are invited to a shower and the wedding then its normal to give two gifts.

Post # 26
Member
7480 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
zulee :  Your coworker is rude.

It is not uncommon in my region/family/social circles for more practical gifts from the registry to be given for the shower and more extravagant gifts from the registry to be gifted for the wedding by those people who prefer to not give cash. 

A gift is a gift–telling her wedding guests upfront that she will not be happy unless they give her exactly what she wants is obnoxious. 

 

Post # 27
Member
4998 posts
Honey bee

She may be in for a big surprise.

I will give off the registry for both (or one, or neither – it really depends on what is on their registry and if I feel like giving that thing.  Anything I give is still a representation on what I would pick for them to have, so I’m not getting them something off their registry just because they have it there.  I’ll go off registry or give cash instead).  But people who aren’t invited to the shower don’t just send “shower gifts”.  So unless she invited all 200 guests to her shower, odds are at least half of those gifts are wedding gifts and she’ll just end up with a nice card at her wedding.  And for those who are giving both, they likely won’t be “just as generous”.  Most people I know will divide their budget between the shower and the wedding if they are invited to both, so you’ll get two smaller gifts from that person instead of one larger one.

Post # 28
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My Grandmother freaked out because I gave my cousin a gift off her registry for her shower and then a cash gift for the actual wedding. She said the shower gift should have been all I gave. I always thought you gave both. Obviously what I give at the wedding depends on the gift I gave at the shower. Usually I stick with a gift under $100 and then give a generous cash gift at the wedding. Your coworker sounds very entitled though which is annoying, and you already spent a lot on the gift. If the gift was your budget I’d just give an empty card.

The topic ‘Everybody knows registries are meant for showers!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors