- 9 months ago
I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and he and I have a beautiful relationship that is unlike anything I’ve ever known. I am 21 in a few weeks and my boyfriend is 25. From a few months into the relationship, I made it known to him that I do not have it in me to play games with my life and my relationships because I have known all my life that I was meant to be a young wife and mother (not teen, obviously). There are many reasons for this. The first being that I have many, many older cousins/relatives who were in dead-end relationships for many years (like 8-10+ years) where they ended up severely depressed or alcoholics as a result of never getting that ring and I refuse to let that be me. Second, I have a medical conditon where my reproductive organs very likely will not hold a child in, possibly resulting in many failed pregancies and premature/traumatic births. Because of this, time is not on my side and I would love to begin having children within the next 5-6 years.
My man has expressed his desire to be married to me on a few occasions, especially after we spent much time practically living together this past Summer. He wakes up at night looking for me and is unable to sleep knowing that I am miles away in my own bed, he loves to cook for me and always cares for me when I am ill or dealing with the chronic pain flair ups that come with my illness. He is wonderful and makes me feel like a queen so there is no lack of love whatsoever.
The problem lies in the fact that I am so anxious to get the ball rolling on this whole thing. I know that he is the one for me and I love him more than I could ever love my own life and happiness. I just need to make sure that the engagement will take place before 2 years because of my reasoning from before. The actual marriage/wedding can be taken slowly and I can take up to 3 years planning and saving , but I can’t do that WITHOUT the enagagement! See my problem?
My male best friend from high school got engaged a few months ago, my bf’s cousin who is a few months younger than him got MARRIED around the same time my friend got engaged, my cousin who is my bf’s age got engaged a few weeks ago, a bunch of girls I graduated high school with 4 years ago are engaged and the number goes up every time I open my social media accounts, and a few are even married for over a year now. My guy kissed my ring finger around a month ago and said, “I’m going to put a ring here” but I have no idea how serious he actually was about it. He also says things like, “You’re my girlfriend, but maybe one day you’ll be more”. I KNOW that I am ready to be engaged and don’t see factors like age to be an issue. My father was 24 and my mother was 25 when they got married and have been together for 27 years as well as most others in my family. We are both hard-working individuals who have practically lived together and shared finances already over the course of a few months straight. He knows of my concern about marriage and children, but I try not to burden him with the talk of it, yet he still finds my pinterest boards filled with rings and I still can’t help but mention and give my two-cents every time a girl I know gets proposed to.
It also slightly annoys me when he seems so extrememely happy for his friends who get married, enagaged, or have children when he shows no obvious signs of moving forward in that direction relatively soon. I am going to be a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding and I have to deal with this CONSTANT sadness that I seem to be the only one in my area not being moved out of “Girlfriend Status”. I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. It has become an obsession for me.
My questions is: How do I deal with this disappointment every time someone gets a ring and it isn’t me? How do I keep myself from going insane while I wait? I can wait up to another 1.5 years MAX, but I hope that I don’t have to. Please lend me your advice.