Everyone Canceled on Bachelorette Weekend

posted 2 years ago in Parties
Post # 31
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately, I’m in the weird camp that doesn’t really understand or enjoy bachelorette parties, much much less bachelorette weekends. I’d be the one saying I could come for a day :x.

Post # 32
Member
5851 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

libellules :  How can you not understand bachelorette parties? 

Post # 33
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

libellules :  This wasn’t the case with the OP. The other girls actually voted for a weekend event.. then just cancelled or said they can only make 1 day after she could no longer get a 50% refund.

Post # 34
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

zzar45 :  I don’t “understand” them in that I don’t find them enjoyable personally and find the whole concept ridiculous. I have zero interest in going out and drinking to excess with my friends for “one last hurrah,” or seeing strippers, or doing a weekend getaway. The only person I have any interest in going on a weekend getaway with is Fiance. I’m sure that makes me an old fuddy duddy, but oh well. Oh and the matching shirt thing, alternatively the bride is in white and all of her poor friends are in black as they are all trying to keep their balance in 5″ heels.

 

Whatevs.

Post # 35
Member
5851 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

libellules :  Bachelorette parties come in all kinds, sounds like you just don’t like other people. 

Post # 36
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

jeshicat :  I understand that. I’m sorry it happened. I would wager some of the ladies in reality (the ones with bad excuses) committed thinking they could be into it but aren’t? It sucks, don’t get me wrong. 

Post # 37
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

zzar45 :  LMAO. Right. Ok. I do like other people, just not obnoxious woo girls. We’re looking at doing something joint, since most of our friends are paired up anyways.

Post # 38
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Here’s some suggestions: tell the girl who is still going to bring someone or a few people. And you ask a few people too. Enjoy the weekend. Post pics on Facebook and show people how great of a time you had. Don’t think about them once! (Easier said than done but it can be done, Bee!)

 

or – post on Facebook now (take the high road, don’t be mean) but post about how you booked the weekend with people planning on going, everything is paid for, but almost all had cancelled after the deadline to get a refund. Say you are still going and are bringing one friend but would like to extend the invite to other people so that it’s not a waste. If I were one of the people backing out, I would feel suuuuper shitty. And really, that would be another reason why I’d make the post! This way, you’re extending the invite to other people and will make those idiots read that post. Make sure the post doesn’t sound like you’re going to let it ruin your life. 

 

I know you said something before about the dogs…maybe a kennel for the weekend? 

 

Is anyone else near by like parents, siblings… are they all on the east costs too?

 

are those idiots bridesmaids?

 

im so sorry Bee. I’ve read so many times here about bridesmaids who don’t give 100%. I always go above and beyond for my friends. That’s just what you do! And I would never back out unless I absolutely had to. Even if I wasn’t that excited about it! I’d still put on a smile and do it for my friend bc that’s what friends do. Sometimes you do things for the other person to make them happy. Ugh what jerks. Let us know how this turns out. 

Post # 39
Member
571 posts
Busy bee

WTF. Are these people in your bridal party? I assume they are invited to the wedding? How much do you love them or feel forgiving? because I would straight up blast them an email ripping them a new one, possibly revoking their invitation to the wedding. Consider that $2K part of what you would have spent on them per plate.

Even if they didn’t know you went beyond the cabin rental, and bought the other crap, its still so inconsiderate to stick you with the bill. did any offer to pay you anything? 

 

sorry bee, I’m pissed for you.

Post # 40
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee

Sounds like they all thought they could work it out and now can’t. I also wonder why you planned this yourself, and didn’t let someone else do this. Maybe they all felt pressured to say yes, tried to make the finances work, but then life happens. Should they have told you at the 30 day mark? yes. Were they all aware of their situations at that moment? I don’t know, and neither do you. Demanding what you deem are appropriate reasons for them to back out, suggests to me you don’t care as much about them as people but that you care more about you getting the bach weekend you want/feel you deserve. 

If you care about your BMs as friends, then let this go. Decide if in the long run you will be happier getting whatever money back you can at this point, or going with the one friend or whomever you can. Make the best of it and don’t hold resentment against them. They are standing up with you on an important day. Is that not more important than this? 

 

Post # 41
Member
5846 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m not a huge fan of bachelorette parties either BUT you don’t agree to go, have the bride or Maid/Matron of Honor or whoever go to all the trouble and expense of planning it, then bail on some half-assed excuse ’cause you’re not feeling it.

There are legit reasons yes, but for 8 out of 9 to bail? That sucks so much, I’d be pissed and hurt too.

Is it possible that a few who cancelled were debating/ waffling with a fairly legit reason, thinking you’d have all the other girls still? Because I agree with the Bee who said she wants her bed with a sinus infection- I have one now and it sucks, I feel heavy headed and flu-y and tired and uncomfortable and can’t wait to be finished work so I can go home and put my pjs on and curl up on the sofa with tea.

So if I had a bachelorette to go to, I’d feel bad cancelling and would offer to pay my share/ would send wine etc- but I’d figure I wouldn’t be up to bachelorette activities, you’d still have all your other guests etc. But if I knew everyone was bailing, I’d waffle the other way, pack up all my over-the-counter meds and pjs, and come to the cabin, even if I won’t be as much fun and had to toast you with a shot of Benylin. Which is why I’m not understanding the attitude of the one girl who said she could go- surely she could see you need a friend now more than ever ?

I’m sorry Bee (((hugs)))

p.s. this woudln’t be for everyone- but I’d go alone if your FI can’t come. As much as I love the people in my life, I also like my alone time. I’d rent scary movies, take a long bubblebath, bring a few good books to read, some sunscreen, pina colada ingredients and enjoy the weekend pampering myself.

Post # 42
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

libellules :  I agree with you about the parties. However, your post isn’t very nice or helpful to OP.

Ummm great that you don’t like these parties – but, who cares?! No one asked your opinion on them… 

Post # 43
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I love the comment right above me about going alone. It sounds sooo scary (because I don’t go alone to things – huge baby over here) but reading that sentence about a bubble bath and good books. Man that sounds amazing.

Post # 44
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would hold resentment against them. That’s just what I would do! yes it’s important to have them on the day of the wedding too. But I don’t know. Am I a jerk for holding resentment? I just think that when I give people my all, and they don’t give back, then yes, I am going to be resentful and I think I deserve a free pass because I normally don’t get upset over stuff. I let people do what they’re going to do and I say it is what it is. So for me to be upset over that, yeah, i’m giving myself a free pass for being upset with someone.

Post # 45
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  No, I agree – the voting on a weekend and agreeing to go and cancelling at the last minute is rotten. I just don’t know if people thought they’d psych themselves up for such an event and then ultimately just couldnt and (shittily…is that a word?) backed out at the last minute. 

nifer317 :  I was providing insight as to why someone might back out at the last minute without an actual good reason (though sorry, I think a sinus infection is a good reason). Or explaining why Future Sister-In-Law is only willing to commit to one day instead of the weekend. Not everyone is into these parties, and they may have felt pressured to go because they are “close,” but just don’t want to.

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