Post # 1
I got engaged last May while I was on leave. When I got back to work my coworkers congratulated me and all and that was that.
Well, one of my coworkers is going on leave and we assume she’s getting engaged. And now my other coworkers are talking about buying her an engagement gift! They talk about how she’s likely to have an engagement party with her family and all.
I’m thinking this is REALLY unfair, that they know I was engaged and they didn’t purchase me an engagement gift after I returned to work with an engagement ring. I didn’t even get an engagement party. I’m really excited the my coworker is getting engaged and possibly married, but it seems everyone else it getting the party and congratulations and gifts…and all I get is the "congratulations". I don’t even expect to have bridal showers since I live no where near my bridesmaids and don’t really have friends amongst my coworkers
Post # 3
Has this person been there longer than you or does she have close friends in the workplace? Perhaps her relationship with the rest of the team is a little closer, and the coworkers didnt want to get you a gift and make you think they were fishing for an invite or anything.
I don’t think its fair, but it might just be that one of the coworkers is closer with this other girl and wanted to do something special so everyone else is just going along with it.
Post # 4
I think it was rude to have mentioned it in front of you unless they intend to invite you to the party too. You said you aren’t close with your shop, so it may just be that they would have felt awkward hosting a party for someone that they don’t know very well. Just let it roll off of your back, and make an effort to get to know the people around you! You may be surprised later with a wedding gift or something.
Post # 5
I’m going through the same thing! Sometimes it feels like no one is excited about our wedding. We sent out our save the dates a few weeks ago and we haven’t heard from anyone that they’ve received them and it makes me upset. I know they arrived b/c I flat out asked a few people if they’d made it.
Post # 6
Maybe they are planning to suprise you with a shower or something…
My mom’s coworkers did this. She got remarried this past fall and was not really interested in having a shower, but they threw her a suprise shower.
Post # 7
Is there a circumstance where they’d want to give her a gift so soon? But for you they might hold off and have shower just before your wedding? Is she strapped for cash, so a gift or money ASAP would be more needed?
I do think that it’s rude for them to have something for her and not you, even if they’ve known her longer. If the gals who are freinds with her want to do something just for her, then they need to do it privately, outside of work. And not include the whole office. So sorry. But you never know. Maybe they will plan something anyway.
@smokipenelope -Don’t take it hard that no one’s responded to the Save-The-Date Cards. I think they appreciate them. But it probably doesn’t occur to them that they need to be calling, emailing, etc to you that they think the STD’s are super cute or that they are really excited. I’m sure plenty of people are happy for you and supportive.
Post # 8
I might not be up on my etiquette, but I am pretty certain that us choosing to get married does not mean anyone should be getting us gifts or throwing us parties unless they want to. It might seem rude for me to say this, and I don’t mean it that way.
I am getting married. I have not asked my family to be happy or throw any parties, they have not volunteered any parties. I am not even sure they are happy. But I am happy and FH is happy, and that is all that matters. We our relationship meets difficulties they will not be there to support us, so HA, we are having our wedding out of country and then WE WILL THROW A PARTY and envite them because WE are celebrating.
Post # 9
I would be also be totally bummed if one of my coworkers got an engagement gift and I didn’t. It’s not the gift that’s the issue so much, it’s the disparity in treatment. Office politics are so weird. Like I worked at a law firm where all the secretaries would plan something for each others’ birthdays and if a secretary had a female attorney, the secretary would usually plan something for the attorney. Well I am a female attorney, but my secretary didn’t usually participate in all the birthday stuff. So no birthday lunch for me! It wasn’t because I was disliked, it was because the person who usually would take the initiative didn’t do so. So that might be what’s going on with you. I’d try not to take it too personally ;/
Post # 10
I’m the complete opposite; since I work in the city, no near family in the city, I threw my own engagement celebration; I invited my friends and only 5 people at work I am close to to celbrate with drinks at happy hour; I am not close to everyone and some people do not get along; so I invited only the happy people I always see at our departmental parties
it was a good turnout about 14 people we had drinks at happy hour at a bar on fifth avenue, it was casual and fun and peopel ther ewishing me well and I knew are happy for me
Post # 11
I adore this idea and you were only surrounded by positive energy AND people happy for you!
But I mostly like that you just threw your own party.
Post # 12
of course, you have to celebrate the high points in your life, life is too full of struggles, if that moment is gone, it is lost forever, now is The Time to celebrate! this is the Moment of your life, time to recognize that surrounded by well-wishers and people happy for you
Post # 13
Maybe is she getting married before you are? Since your wedding is two years out from when you were engaged, maybe they thought they you weren’t going to want a party that early? I got engaged three years before our wedding so when it was a year down, no one had any excitement left. I never had an engagement party and I am not having a bridal shower since I don’t live near any close friends. Probably not having a bachelorette party either so I feel your pain.