Post # 1
This has been on my mind the past couple of weeks. My really good guy friend (and I mean REALLY good friend, like, one of the only college friends who still keeps in touch with me constantly sort of friend) is apparently getting married some time this October. His fiancee is also a close friend of mine. They actually met through me. He proposed to her a few months after my husband proposed to me. They’ve been engaged for over a year now.
Ever since he proposed to her, he’s been talking to me about their wedding plans. Not in great detail, but he told me they were planning a wedding for this October. We talked a lot about locations, since they were on the fence about which city they’d get married in. We shared ideas on invitation designs back when I was making mine. He and his fiancee were at my wedding in July, and we all had a great time seeing each other again.
After the chaos of my wedding ended, I asked him if he was still hoping to get married this October. He said yes, and seemed certain of it, but that’s the last I’ve heard. There has been no save-the-date, no invitation, no nothing, and it’s almost October.
It’s totally possible that they decided to have a very private wedding, and that’s absolutely up to them. I’m just a little sad that it looks like I won’t be witnessing their union the way they witnessed mine, especially after sharing the experience of being engaged and planning weddings around the same time.
It’s sad to think about it, but it’s true that weddings carry their share of sad feelings among all the joy.
Post # 3
Why dont you call him/her to catch up and just breifly ask “hey hows the wedding planning going” and see what they say
Post # 4
@JessicaL: I should have mentioned that I do bring it up from time to time when I chat with him online, which is pretty frequently. Among all the silly website links we he sends me (the bulk of our “chatting”, haha), I usually slip in something like, “Any wedding updates?”, but lately, he’s been changing the subject when I do that. I don’t want to be pushy, so I’ve let it go for the most part.
Post # 5
I would probably be bummed too, but it’s possible that something’s going on that could be unexpected. They could have gone sans Save-The-Date Cards, are late getting invitations out, and/or your invitation could have gotten lost in the mail (this does happen). Or the wedding got postponed – or, of course, you could be right that they’re just having a very small wedding. Even in that case though, it would have been polite of him when you asked if his wedding was still in October to say something about it being just for close family, so you wouldn’t be waiting for an invitation. I agree with JessicaL, ask him how the planning is going.
Post # 6
@IvyClimb: I recently thought about whether there’s an invitation for me that’s lost in the mail somewhere. But then, how do I ask a question like that without sounding like I’ve been tapping my foot waiting for one?
It’s also a possibility that they’re pushing the wedding back. Hmm.
Post # 7
I have a friend who messaged me about my address to invite me to the wedding and i never got anything from them about it! Im assuming they had cut the guest list or something.. but it is a bummer and kinda rude i think. There wedding is this next weekend and they came to ours at the beginning of september.
If he is changing the subject maybe he feels bad about not being able to include you.. but if ya’ll are good friends then i would ask him. Tell him you understand that they are doing things their way and ya it is kind of a bummer but that you were just curious about what was going on.. small wedding, pushing it back what ever the case may be.
Post # 8
I’ve been on the other side of this–I am having a very small, 35-person wedding. I had a friend send me a “sooo, it’s almost October, am I invited to your wedding? Wanted to make sure the invitation didn’t get lost in the mail” email. If I were having a standard-sized wedding she would have been invited, but for a wedding this small she is not.
I would say that it doesn’t hurt to ask. You’ll feel better when you know, and if he did not invite you because his wedding will be very small, he probably won’t mind telling you. I personally did not mind being asked, because I knew that my wedding was smaller than average and that some people would have expectations about getting an invitation.
And I actually did end up sending an invitation to the wrong address that got lost in the mail! It sounds like that is not the case here since he is being evasive about talking about the wedding, but you do never know.
Post # 9
Aww I feel for you, hun. I don’t blame you for being upset…they are your close friends! Do you have any mutual friends you could talk to in order to see if the date’s still set for October?
Post # 10
Well, I took your advice and asked him. I phrased it as carefully as I could, so that I didn’t come across as the uninvited guest who doesn’t get that she’s not invited. I said, “I have a question, and this is just me being curious because weddings are strictly the business of the couple getting married, but, what did you guys decide to do in the end?”
Turns out, they’re having a really small wedding, mostly family. It’s still sad that I won’t be able to witness it, but it feels better knowing, and he didn’t seem to mind me asking. Perhaps he didn’t know how to tell me on his own that he wouldn’t be able to include me and my husband on the guest list. I should have guessed that sooner. He’s a good guy, but he’s always been a bit passive.
So, that’s the story. I hope they have an awesome wedding. They certainly had a hand in making mine one of the greatest events of my life.
Thanks for your advice, Bees. As always. 🙂
Post # 11
@LadyJDAG: I’m sorry you won’t be able to go, but I’m glad you got an answer. You can always ask to see pictures, etc. He probably didn’t know how to breach the subject with you either because it is a sensitive topic.