Post # 1
Fiance and I want a small wedding; we just do. I have also been thinking of the costs of wedding and even without wanting a small wedding, with $8000 needed to complete my dissertation, nearly $3000 for migration process and buying a new house, I am suddenly feeling a self-righteous annoyance at persons who seem to want to plan the wedding THEIR way. Of course their way would be a 100 person wedding with all the hoopla and a $30,000 bill! There is no way we are taking out a loan or going into debt to start out lives (just not for us as we are debt averse)
First a wedding planner charges $4000 US/$320,000 for budget weddings for 50 persons but wants to charge me more than $4000 US for a wedding for 10 persons. Well meaning friends who have decided that my dress is not good enough (Soutache from The Limited wedding collection) or that my vision for a simple beachside wedding lacks what they think would make it a great wedding.
Thank God for a great mom and Future Mother-In-Law who have been nothing but sweet and not intrusive. But, I think watching four weddings a while ago just shows how different perception of what makes a good wedding can be and while I will not change my plans, I wonder if I am the only bride irritated when persons keep butting their nose in?
Post # 3
You’re not alone in the irritation! I make sure not to ask for opinions and I don’t talk about the wedding around certain people if I can avoid it.
I acknowledge the opinions then often discard them, but sometimes they’ve got a valid point that I hadn’t considered. I don’t immediately discard everything, but no one else is running this wedding, I guarantee you that.
I would ditch the wedding planner, to be honest. That’s a lot of money and I’m sure you can pull it off yourself! Tell your friends that the dress is exactly what you want and then don’t discuss it again. They’ll catch on.
It’s stressful! Good luck!
Post # 4
I feel your pain. My wedding was originally supposed to be pretty low key with maybe 100-130 guests invited maybe spending around $12,000 without crazy amounts of fancy decorations etc. Now thanks to adding a wedding planner who is a good family friend and giving me a deal and letting us use her inventory of decortations…..nice, but it seems everything else has become more expensive. And my mother who believes everyone needs a courtesy invite I am up to inviting over 200 guests and the wedding is now costing $20,000 ugh. I am having a lot of help paying for the wedding but seriously people come on. I mean I really do not appreciate all of the tacky suggestions that people are throwing at me that they actually think are a good idea. Really no I did not want FI’s 10 year old nephew with a lisp doing a reading at the wedding (thanks FMIL), also did not want sand ceremony (thanks mom), did not want kids at reception (thanks entire family), um no I do not want a floral halo for flower girl (gross, thanks planner). These are just a few things I have had to allow because they gave me no choice. Did not agree to flower girl halo though. I just want to tell them all to shut it and let me do what I want……really my ideas are better than their’s. Good luck trying to persuade them otherwise.
Post # 5
” I just want to tell them all to shut it and let me do what I want……really my ideas are better than their’s.”
@spcollegegirl18, I donot always feel this way but I can empathize. It also seems like those who have such grandiose ideas for the wedding are not going to help pay for it. The ones with the tacky advice, sometimes they themselves had a traditional, safe wedding but it is like weddings are a time for some persons to live vicariously thru the bride/groom.
@thursdayschild..you hit the nail on the head. Sometimes you have to avoid some people and definetely not ask for suggestions from others …lol. The truth is that some persons mean well, but wel intentioned though it be, the constant advice can become grating on the nerves.
Post # 6
I picked the first option for ignoring suggestions only because we didn’t tell anyone anything. We planned and kept everything low key and to ourselves. We did this because when we first started planning opinions were overwhelming, never ending and nearly ended in a fight. So we put a stop to it by not sharing with anyone unless they needed to know. If someone asked about cake for example we would mention flavors but not details for size or design. It worked out well because people knew the boundries and we enforced them.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I don’t usually ask for suggestions, unless I’m stuck on something. Ex: I wanted photographer feedback, so I asked a friend who’s a graphic designer for her feedback on my top choices, and also my DIY invites.
And I think people aren’t giving suggestions because I have a pretty clear vision of the day. I know things we’re NOT doing (unity candle/sand, music during ceremony, etc.), and that’s that. No one has questioned me, because I’m confident in my choices.
Post # 8
I don’t mind suggestions that aren’t going to cost me a lot of money. FI’s mom is REALLY involved and I don’t mind taking some of her artsy craftsy decorating suggestions or suggestions on the candy buffet, etc. What I do mind is suggestions that cost more money made by people who are not paying. lol. For instance, “you really should have a raw bar” “you should have more appetizers” “you Must, must, must have high floral centerpieces.” These seriously drive me nuts. I want to scream “you think I am anti-raw bar? You think I haven’t thought of a raw bar before? But, at $22 per head, unless you are paying I can’t afford that shiit!!!”
Post # 9
I just figured out the couple people who are supportive and have good feedback….and I don’t share with anyone else! I have opened up a few things, but mostly since we are paying for it and I know what I want….why share and get negative or less than excited feedback! And if I want more opinions – I come here!!
Post # 10
Oh man. This has been a big problem for us. Everyone gets involved and we do NOT appreciate it…it sucks. Can’t wait to just be married and have done with it!
Post # 11
This is the hardest thing about having a wedding! My best advice is to do what is right for you- but I got pushed and pulled and only wish I had done that in the first place. I spent a lot of stress and money trying to please others, just to end up having a wedding that was not what they or I wanted in the end.
Post # 12
I feel you. My Future Mother-In-Law and Fi’s brother are constantly giving their opinions. The other day, she actually brought out an old (3 year old) wedding invite from her niece’s wedding and showed it to me and my Fiance, to compare how beautiful her niece’s invites were and how simple and not beautiful ours are….ughh really annoying. I realized, everyone will have an opinion, but I will stand my ground and will not be moved by others’ emotions or opinions, especially if they’re not paying for my wedding. Guests should feel glad that they’re being invited to the wedding and if they love me, they will show their support by shutting it and being happy for me.
Post # 13
The second you tell anyone you’re getting married, that’s it, the opinions start.
I find it really frustrating, and in the end Ive learnt just to nod and smile and move on.
My future Mother-In-Law was trying to organise the reception into something we didn’t want, and in the morning after HTB and I had talked all night, we told her that this is how we are doing it, end of.
She went and sat in the lounge, and sulked. I am not the type of person to play up to that sort of pettiness, and ignored it. We moved past that and now I’ve learnt to get her input to decisions that don’t matter as much, so she still feels like shes having an opinion and an input. Keeps the air smooth.
But everyone, even at work, you mention the word marriage and thats it, the customers give you opinions. ARGH
Post # 14
What I do mind is suggestions that cost more money made by people who are not paying. lol.
DWL.. I think this bothers me the most too….great suggestions that are normally expensive and not always what you wanted anyways..lol