Post # 1
Here we are a little over 4 months from our wedding date and I am starting to get really stressed out. I can also tell that my FH is also stressing. I am so disappointed in our bridesmaids and groomsmen and their lack of help with our wedding. :o/
All of our family members are excited but no one is offering to lend a hand. I really think that my step mother could care less. My dad, well, he’s a dad – he doesn’t know what to do, lol. My fiance’s dad – same thing. His step mother and mom – neither have mentioned anything except that they can’t wait till the wedding day. No one has asked if we need any help or if there is something that they can do.
My FH works at a historic theatre downtown and we are lucky enough to have that venue for both the wedding ceremony and the reception. But honestly the receptions is really stressing me out! We are on a tight budget as we are paying for everything ourselves. We want something simple but nice. Since our wedding is at the theatre, the times and days we can get in there are unusual. So our wedding will be on a Sunday evening at 7:30, with the reception following. We will not be having a dinner because it is so late and also because it’s just too expensive. We are still throwing around food ideas because obviously we need some snacks for people, appetizers, fruit and cheese trays, etc. We have a 2 hour time period where we can get in and set up for the reception and also get dressed for our wedding! THAT IS NOT ALOT OF TIME! LOL! Luckily we don’t have to decorate the theatre at all…it is beautifully decorated every year for Christmas and it’s perfect since we are getting married Dec. 4th. But we need some help and input from our wedding parties. Some re-assurance that they will help us get all of the food out, drinks, set up the tables, cake (cupcakes in this case), clean up after, etc. All I am hearing is “sure, sure, we’ll help”.
I’m not crazy am I? Last I knew it was the job of the groomsmen and bridesmaids to help make sure the wedding day is perfect and that things go smoothly. They just seem very uninterested and like they don’t want to be bothered with our wedding. It’s madding and I’m too nice to say anything to them about it :o/ I mean these people on my side have been in my life either forever or for years. One is my sister. One is my best friend since we were 7 years old (we are 36 now!) and the other is my other best friend whom I’ve known for 18 years. I feel like they think being a bridesmaid just means that they stand up with us during the ceremony.
I guess I need some words of encouragement to know that my fiance and I can get this done all by ourselves, because right now, 4 months from the big day, I don’t feel so confident! HELP! lol
Post # 3
It’s totally possible that your friends/relatives don’t realize how much help you really need. Don’t expect that just asking them to be a bridesmaid/groomsman will be enough. You need to specifically ask for what you want.
Try giving them specific tasks, don’t wait for them to volunteer. “I could really use your help on our big day. I need you to set out the cupcakes ” Then fill in the blanks. be specific about times, places, and what you need. Make them a checklist if necessary.
My family is the type that doesn’t want to be seen as interfering, but it makes it seem like they are not interested. Not so, they just need to be asked what to do.
Post # 4
Thank you so very much for our input! You are absolutely right. We need to make some lists and assign some tasks. Thank you for taking the time to read my long post, it is very much appreciated!
Post # 5
How frustrating! That would drive me nuts. Some brides need/expect their wedding party to step up and help while others just expect them to buy their gear and show up on time. I agree with kerensa- give them specific tasks and when they need to get them done. Prehaps they are waiting on you to tell them exactly when to jump and how high.
I hear ya on the dads thing. My poor dad is paying for the wedding but runs and hides when my mom and I start chattering about it. My BMs are very loving, but very busy being mothers, living hours away and job hunting/portfolio making. They really haven’t been much help in the planning but I know they’ll pull through, just like I’m sure you’re wedding party will when it comes time for your big day. Just tell them (nicely) what you expect.
Post # 6
With it being over 4 months till the wedding, your wedding party probably just doesnt have things on their radar. Wait a month or two, then reel them in and start organizing them into a team.
Post # 7
Thank you so much everyone for your words of encouragement! This thread is helping set my mind at ease somewhat. I’m glad I found this website! :o)
Post # 8
It sounds like you’ll have to reel them in, assign some responsibilities and let them know how much help you need. I’ve been doing this recently and praying a lot, which has really helped!
Post # 9
You could also try to get them involved even sooner by gathering them all up for a DIY project to get them in the habit of helping earlier on. There are some awesome and inexpensive tutorials for table numbers or candy buffets since it sounds like you guys are going to go light on food. I just learned about the candy buffet today and it’s right up my alley!
But either way it will get the girls in “wedding helper mode” and gear them up for the real thing
Post # 10
@lmmcnutt: I would try to as kindly as possible, let your attendants know that you need their help. Simple as that.
Post # 11
I would agree, your bridal party just simply may not understand all of the things you need to get done on that day and beforehand. Even if some of them are already married, their wedding may have been completely different than yours so they don’t make the connection that you guys will be doing all the set-up/take-down. Also, some things are just handled differently by certain people so they might need to know when you need help because they may not get it/see the difficulty in it — like the fact that I’m planning DIY (like really DIY not just a print-your-own kit) programs for my wedding and I can’t cut a straight line to save my life. I’ve already warned my bridesmaids that sometime after January we (meaning them bless their hearts) will be doing massive amounts of cutting. My FH was in four weddings between Sept-Jan and every bride sent out assignments for both bridesmaids and groomsmen and no one took issue with it. The brides even utilized the bridal party SO’s, like me for example, to handle certain other tasks (i.e. tipping limo drivers, bringing specific items to reception, etc) and in turn, I know I’ll be able to rely on them on our day. Good luck, I’m sure with some blatant assigning of tasks they’ll get the point and step up!
Post # 12
I’m sorry if this is harsh, but it sort of sounds like you are looking at your family and bridal party as unpaid labor for your wedding. And honestly I don’t think that’s fair of you. It’s one thing to ask somebody to be in charge of a vendor tip or bringing some decor to the venue like b2b5412 said, but to expect them to function like a catering staff–doing the setup and takedown of your ceremony and reception–is asking a bit much in my opinion. They’re your bridal party but they’re also your guests, and they’re supposed to be able to enjoy the occasion too, not have to spend half the day working. I know you are working with a very tight budget, but what about hiring a couple of people to help? Maybe your siblings/nieces/nephews have some teenage friends who would be happy to earn an extra $40 on a Sunday night spending a few hours helping you out?