(Closed) Everyone is excited but so uninterested in helping us with the wedding planning!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s totally possible that your friends/relatives don’t realize how much help you really need. Don’t expect that just asking them to be a bridesmaid/groomsman will be enough. You need to specifically ask for what you want.

Try giving them specific tasks, don’t wait for them to volunteer. “I could really use your help on our big day. I need you to set out the cupcakes ” Then fill in the blanks. be specific about times, places, and what you need. Make them a checklist if necessary.

My family is the type that doesn’t want to be seen as interfering, but it makes it seem like they are not interested. Not so, they just need to be asked what to do.

Post # 5
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

How frustrating! That would drive me nuts. Some brides need/expect their wedding party to step up and help while others just expect them to buy their gear and show up on time. I agree with kerensa- give them specific tasks and when they need to get them done. Prehaps they are waiting on you to tell them exactly when to jump and how high.

I hear ya on the dads thing. My poor dad is paying for the wedding but runs and hides when my mom and I start chattering about it. My BMs are very loving,  but very busy being mothers, living hours away and job hunting/portfolio making. They really haven’t been much help in the planning but I know they’ll pull through, just like I’m sure you’re wedding party will when it comes time for your big day. Just tell them (nicely) what you expect.

Post # 6
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

With it being over 4 months till the wedding, your wedding party probably just doesnt have things on their radar. Wait a month or two, then reel them in and start organizing them into a team.

Post # 8
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It sounds like you’ll have to reel them in, assign some responsibilities and let them know how much help you need. I’ve been doing this recently and praying a lot, which has really helped!

Post # 9
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You could also try to get them involved even sooner by gathering them all up for a DIY project to get them in the habit of helping earlier on. There are some awesome and inexpensive tutorials for table numbers or candy buffets since it sounds like you guys are going to go light on food. I just learned about the candy buffet today and it’s right up my alley!

But either way it will get the girls in “wedding helper mode” and gear them up for the real thingSmile

Post # 10
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@lmmcnutt: I would try to as kindly as possible, let your attendants know that you need their help.  Simple as that.

Post # 11
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would agree, your bridal party just simply may not understand all of the things you need to get done on that day and beforehand.  Even if some of them are already married, their wedding may have been completely different than yours so they don’t make the connection that you guys will be doing all the set-up/take-down.  Also, some things are just handled differently by certain people so they might need to know when you need help because they may not get it/see the difficulty in it — like the fact that I’m planning DIY (like really DIY not just a print-your-own kit) programs for my wedding and I can’t cut a straight line to save my life.  I’ve already warned my bridesmaids that sometime after January we (meaning them bless their hearts) will be doing massive amounts of cutting.  My FH was in four weddings between Sept-Jan and every bride sent out assignments for both bridesmaids and groomsmen and no one took issue with it. The brides even utilized the bridal party SO’s, like me for example, to handle certain other tasks (i.e. tipping limo drivers, bringing specific items to reception, etc) and in turn, I know I’ll be able to rely on them on our day. Good luck, I’m sure with some blatant assigning of tasks they’ll get the point and step up!

Post # 12
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry if this is harsh, but it sort of sounds like you are looking at your family and bridal party as unpaid labor for your wedding. And honestly I don’t think that’s fair of you. It’s one thing to ask somebody to be in charge of a vendor tip or bringing some decor to the venue like b2b5412 said, but to expect them to function like a catering staff–doing the setup and takedown of your ceremony and reception–is asking a bit much in my opinion. They’re your bridal party but they’re also your guests, and they’re supposed to be able to enjoy the occasion too, not have to spend half the day working. I know you are working with a very tight budget, but what about hiring a couple of people to help? Maybe your siblings/nieces/nephews have some teenage friends who would be happy to earn an extra $40 on a Sunday night spending a few hours helping you out?

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