Post # 1
I have been married over a year and I am 29. Hubby and I plan to start TTC next month. Mother-In-Law has been dropping hints since we came back from our honeymoon that she wants a grandchild. My SIL is not getting the same pressure from Mother-In-Law because she has a beef with her daughter’s husband.
My parents were always really cool about it until last weekend. My sister announced that she and her husband are child-free by choice. Mom said to me, “don’t wait too long or you’ll miss your window. You’re already pushing 30.” Yikes! Thanks Mom!
I’m not going to openly tell people about our TTC plans because… well… you could imagine, “are you pregnant yet? Are you pregnant yet? Pregnant yet? Now? How about now? Pregnant yet?” No thanks!
It just feels like my family and SO’s family are all looking at me to produce children. It’s so much pressure. Anyone else is a similar situation where you are the only one being personally targeted as a grandbaby machine?
Post # 2
That sucks so much. Our families aren’t pushing us at all (my mum actually doesn’t care for grandkids anyway) but at work people keep asking me and the other young female co-workers when we’re having babies. It’s so rude! Depending on how much it bothers you, ask your families to back off. It’s not fair to put so much pressure on you and it’s also really none of their business.
Post # 3
I get this from both mums and most people in work. I should just tell everyone we’ve been tested, and I have no eggs and he has no swimmers, and watch them squirm.
Post # 4
rainbowduckie : mine aren’t as bad but it has come up a couple of times over the years (together 9, married 4). I tend to steer the conversation gently towards how difficult family planning must be for many people what with losses, infertility, unexpected pregnancies etc it leaves people sort of aware of why you shouldn’t push these things but also unsure which if any of those things apply to us. They learn an important lesson about not asking these obnoxious questions and are too worried about putting their foot in it to bring it up as much
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
I wouldn’t stress about it. Just give them a curt smile and a mhmm and then move on with your life! If and / or when people are having children is their business.
Post # 6
Ok, as someone of your parents age, I understamd where they are coming from. It does not make what they’re doing right and you can (and should) tell them to back off. The fact is that they miss having small children around and rather than tell you this they encourage you to get pregnant. It’s really not about you, it’s about them. Try to be patient with them, but firm.
Post # 7
sunburn : I understand that. But it’s condescending for them to assume that an educated woman in her late twenties with wifi needs to be reminded of her fertility window. Lol. I guess it doesn’t help that my mother’s sister has 5 grandchildren and one coming this month and she had no grandchildren and one daughter who just vowed a childfree lifestyle… Augh, my future children are going to be spoiled rotten.
Post # 8
My Mom and Future Mother-In-Law have both started talking about grandbabies as soon as we got engaged. Future Mother-In-Law even hopes I’m just going to surprise everyone and annouce I’m pregnant.
On my side, it’d be the first baby since I was one. On his side, well, I was the only non menopausal women not pregnant. His cousins, both younger than us, are both expecting.
We want to buy a house first. No kids till we have our home.
Post # 9
My Mother-In-Law is like this and it drives me fucking nuts. Making me feel like a future “grandbaby machine” is exactly how I felt. Thankfully my Dh is really good at shutting it down. That has made the comments go from nearly constant to almost never. However, she did wish me a happy thirtieth birthday by reminding me about my biological clock. I can’t tell you how mad I was.
The thing is that before we were trying it was irritating but now that we are TTC and not had any luck yet, it makes me enraged to think about. That at least makes me so thankful Dh stopped the constant comments before that started or I would not be able to respond calmly to those things.
Post # 10
My mum has been talking about grandkids since my wedding dress turned up a little big, she “playfully” suggested I could save money on alterations by getting pregnant instead. It’s continued on ever since. Whenever anyone mum vaguely knows has a baby or announces a pregnancy I get a running update of their age, their marital status, what other kids are in the family….
I thought my mum in law was a bit calmer but she has also started randomly asking about any baby names we’ve picked out, that kind of thing (we’ve already decided we aren’t sharing baby names until there’s an arrival, never mind a pregnancy).
It’s a bit of a touchy subject as I’ve got endometriosis and kids just aren’t guaranteed. It makes me feel like I’m not valid of my own accord when kids might just not happen. I know they’re excited but it doesn’t make it easier!
Post # 11
My brother and SIL had a baby in October and the holidays were goddamn nightmare for me and my husband. Constant questions about when we are going to have a baby from my family and his. From both our parents and our siblings. My mom even made comments about me getting old (I’m 28). Drove me up the wall! We just kept giving everyone noncommittal, vague answers because it’s not of their business when we are planning to TTC (which isn’t for another year and a half).
Post # 12
My husband’s family was requesting babies from us years before we were even married lol. We just laughed it off or shifted the focus to other topics. But in their culture all that talk is really normal. My advice is do not tell anyone you’re trying. It was way easier to just tell them once it was a real thing (my sister in law’s response… “Well finally!” 😂).
Post # 13
lunalovegood88 : 100% I am not telling anyone about TTC. I don’t even plan on telling our parents when we get pregnant until we are out of the woods with the first trimester.
Post # 14
People are so entitled and inappropriate. Your mission is not to produce a grandchild for your parents or in-laws. You reproductive business is exactly that your business. I would frankly tell them to stay out of your personal business.
“MIL I know you are excited to be a grandma but please understand that I am not ready to be a mother so stop asking when I am going to get pregnant. We will let you know when I am pregnant and we are ready to share the news.”
TTC is not their business.
Post # 15
rainbowduckie : his parents aren’t that bothered, probably because his younger brother (the favourite) has a kid. Before we got married though we were questioned extensively by his dad about when we’re planning on producing. The rest of his family (big catholic family) are hinting we should have kids, especially as his younger brother has already had one. So I just drink more wine at family gatherings, don’t give any room for a rumour to start.
My divorced parents are both asking for grandkids, only thing they agree on. As is one of my brothers, my grandma on one side and grandad on the other. There’s been 4 bereavements in 3 years between both sides so my dad keeps saying we need a happy reason to be all together and looks at us.
My work is just as bad though. My colleague got married and pregnant straight away. As she was going off on maternity, she was like “you’re next” and my response was “only if the condoms fail”. I’ve been married longer than her and she complained to me extensively about her Mother-In-Law putting pressure on her for kids. She brought her son in and asked me if it made me change my mind about wanting one and she got an instantaneous actually quite harsh ‘no’ in response. I realise that was her pride and joy and I just shot it down but she really does not get why I’m not having kids yet. I had a doctors appointment and my other (male) colleague asked if I was pregnant, my response was to say that I’m not pregnant but I was having my smear test. That’s stopped that line of questioning. My husband is also bugged at work about when we’re having babies and he says we already have a baby and planning on getting another soon (dogs).
In case you couldn’t tell with the smear test comment to my colleague, I’ve started to be quite blunt in my responses now. My favourites are “not while drinking while is still one of my hobbies”, “the way we do it doesn’t get you pregnant” and “the more you bug us, the longer you’re going to wait”. By the way, we’ve been married 3 years (this week) but we’re both only just 29 and would like kids someday but we always decided that we wanted to be married a few years before kids. We also lived together before marriage, I didn’t change my name and we’ve not had kids straight away so people have asked what the point of us getting married was.