Everyone is waiting for me to get pregnant.

posted 4 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

That sucks so much. Our families aren’t pushing us at all (my mum actually doesn’t care for grandkids anyway) but at work people keep asking me and the other young female co-workers when we’re having babies. It’s so rude! Depending on how much it bothers you, ask your families to back off. It’s not fair to put so much pressure on you and it’s also really none of their business.

Post # 3
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I get this from both mums and most people in work. I should just tell everyone we’ve been tested, and I have no eggs and he has no swimmers, and watch them squirm.

Post # 4
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

rainbowduckie :  mine aren’t as bad but it has come up a couple of times over the years (together 9, married 4). I tend to steer the conversation gently towards how difficult family planning must be for many people what with losses, infertility, unexpected pregnancies etc it leaves people sort of aware of why you shouldn’t push these things but also unsure which if any of those things apply to us. They learn an important lesson about not asking these obnoxious questions and are too worried about putting their foot in it to bring it up as much 

Post # 5
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

I wouldn’t stress about it. Just give them a curt smile and a mhmm and then move on with your life! If and / or when people are having children is their business.

Post # 6
Member
3294 posts
Sugar bee

Ok, as someone of your parents age, I understamd where they are coming from. It does not make what they’re doing right and you can (and should) tell them to back off. The fact is that they miss having small children around and rather than tell you this they encourage you to get pregnant. It’s really not about you, it’s about them. Try to be patient with them, but firm.

Post # 8
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

My Mom and Future Mother-In-Law have both started talking about grandbabies as soon as we got engaged. Future Mother-In-Law even hopes I’m just going to surprise everyone and annouce I’m pregnant.

On my side, it’d be the first baby since I was one. On his side, well, I was the only non menopausal women not pregnant. His cousins, both younger than us, are both expecting. 

We want to buy a house first. No kids till we have our home.

Post # 9
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My Mother-In-Law is like this and it drives me fucking nuts. Making me feel like a future “grandbaby machine” is exactly how I felt. Thankfully my Dh is really good at shutting it down. That has made the comments go from nearly constant to almost never. However, she did wish me a happy thirtieth birthday by reminding me about my biological clock. I can’t tell you how mad I was.

The thing is that before we were trying it was irritating but now that we are TTC and not had any luck yet, it makes me enraged to think about. That at least makes me so thankful Dh stopped the constant comments before that started or I would not be able to respond calmly to those things.

Post # 10
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

My mum has been talking about grandkids since my wedding dress turned up a little big, she “playfully” suggested I could save money on alterations by getting pregnant instead. It’s continued on ever since. Whenever anyone mum vaguely knows has a baby or announces a pregnancy I get a running update of their age, their marital status, what other kids are in the family….

I thought my mum in law was a bit calmer but she has also started randomly asking about any baby names we’ve picked out, that kind of thing (we’ve already decided we aren’t sharing baby names until there’s an arrival, never mind a pregnancy).

It’s a bit of a touchy subject as I’ve got endometriosis and kids just aren’t guaranteed. It makes me feel like I’m not valid of my own accord when kids might just not happen. I know they’re excited but it doesn’t make it easier!

Post # 11
Member
9373 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My brother and SIL had a baby in October and the holidays were goddamn nightmare for me and my husband. Constant questions about when we are going to have a baby from my family and his. From both our parents and our siblings. My mom even made comments about me getting old (I’m 28). Drove me up the wall! We just kept giving everyone noncommittal, vague answers because it’s not of their business when we are planning to TTC (which isn’t for another year and a half).

Post # 12
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

My husband’s family was requesting babies from us years before we were even married lol. We just laughed it off or shifted the focus to other topics. But in their culture all that talk is really normal. My advice is do not tell anyone you’re trying. It was way easier to just tell them once it was a real thing (my sister in law’s response… “Well finally!” 😂). 

Post # 14
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

People are so entitled and inappropriate. Your mission is not to produce a grandchild for your parents or in-laws. You reproductive business is exactly that your business. I would frankly tell them to stay out of your personal business. 

“MIL I know you are excited to be a grandma but please understand that I am not ready to be a mother so stop asking when I am going to get pregnant.  We will let you know when I am pregnant and we are ready to share the news.”

TTC is not their business. 

Post # 15
Member
1862 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

rainbowduckie :  his parents aren’t that bothered, probably because his younger brother (the favourite) has a kid. Before we got married though we were questioned extensively by his dad about when we’re planning on producing. The rest of his family (big catholic family) are hinting we should have kids, especially as his younger brother has already had one. So I just drink more wine at family gatherings, don’t give any room for a rumour to start.

My divorced parents are both asking for grandkids, only thing they agree on. As is one of my brothers, my grandma on one side and grandad on the other. There’s been 4 bereavements in 3 years between both sides so my dad keeps saying we need a happy reason to be all together and looks at us.

My work is just as bad though. My colleague got married and pregnant straight away. As she was going off on maternity, she was like “you’re next” and my response was “only if the condoms fail”. I’ve been married longer than her and she complained to me extensively about her Mother-In-Law putting pressure on her for kids. She brought her son in and asked me if it made me change my mind about wanting one and she got an instantaneous actually quite harsh ‘no’ in response. I realise that was her pride and joy and I just shot it down but she really does not get why I’m not having kids yet. I had a doctors appointment and my other (male) colleague asked if I was pregnant, my response was to say that I’m not pregnant but I was having my smear test. That’s stopped that line of questioning. My husband is also bugged at work about when we’re having babies and he says we already have a baby and planning on getting another soon (dogs).

In case you couldn’t tell with the smear test comment to my colleague, I’ve started to be quite blunt in my responses now. My favourites are “not while drinking while is still one of my hobbies”, “the way we do it doesn’t get you pregnant” and “the more you bug us, the longer you’re going to wait”. By the way, we’ve been married 3 years (this week) but we’re both only just 29 and would like kids someday but we always decided that we wanted to be married a few years before kids. We also lived together before marriage, I didn’t change my name and we’ve not had kids straight away so people have asked what the point of us getting married was. 

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