Everyone's put me off

posted 2 months ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

It sounds like your best bet would be to elope and then have a little get together to celebrate with everyone when you get back to be honest.

Post # 3
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

harrietemily :  can you go there for your honeymoon instead? It is hard for disabled people to travel, not to mention money.

Post # 4
Member
3417 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

That’s the risk you take when planning a destination wedding. You have to decide what is more important to you. Can you imagine getting married without your family there? If not, possibly rethink your location. If you are fine with an intimate ceremony then elope/honeymoon at your destination and have a reception at home when you get back.

Post # 6
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee

Well, destination weddings are usually cheaper for the couple but put significant expenses on all of your guests. Potentially expenses that they would have never incurred in the first place. So yeah, lots of people are going to have issues with you basically forcing a vacation that will cost them thousands of dollars on them. When you plan a destination wedding, you need to go into it with the understanding that no one may attend and that you are prioritizing location over people and disregarding convenience and finances for other people. It seems pretty obvious that an ailing eldery woman and two disabled people (one in a wheel chair), all of whom are likely on very fixed incomes due to age/disability unless they are independently wealthy, are likely going to have issues with travel, let alone to a cobble-street historic town with unknown handicapped accessibility.  

That’s your opportunity cost of picking a destination wedding over something else.  

So at this point you need to decide what is more  important to you – the location or the people?  It is ok to pick location as your priority, but then you need to be 100% on board with getting many more declines than you would normally have and be okay with people feeling a bit put out by spending an exorbitant amount of money.  If you can’t do that, then perhaps a destination wedding isn’t the right choice for you and you’ll need to either pick towards one side of the family or the other, pick a place that these people would be more agreeable to traveling to, or elope.

Post # 7
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’d strongly advise you to rethink that plan. Ancient cities in Italy aren’t the best places if you’re trying to get around in a wheel chair. Add that to the stress of having to fly there, find a hotel that is suitable for wheelchair users and paying for it… I understand that Sorrento Cloisters looks amazing – but is it more important than having his family there at the wedding?

Post # 8
Member
10853 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Unless it’s a situation such as an immediate family that is in on the planning, I dislike almost all destination weddings. They put an exotic venue ahead of people and impose your idea of someone else’s vacation in terms of time, money, location and travel companions. You are shifting costs to benefit yourself at your guest’s expense. 

No matter how small or intimate the wedding, once you invite others you are a host and wedding or no wedding it’s no longer just about you. 

Post # 9
Member
10853 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Duplicate post 

Post # 11
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

harrietemily :  A cheap hotel might cost as little as that. But would it be suitable for a wheelchair user? They’d also have to travel to the airport, to the hotel and back. Easy-peasy if you can walk, much harder if you can’t. In England or your future husbands might be able to pick them up, they wouldn’t have a language barrier on top of everything else. And I think in England people are more alert to the needs to wheelchair users than in Italy. I just got back from Rome and there were loads of places that would have been very difficult to navigate. Naples might well be the same.

And there are stunning places in Ireland and England, too. 

Post # 13
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

harrietemily :  Then I can understand why you’re upset. Have you considered finding somewhere really dreamy and small in Ireland. Then you can tell people you fell in love with the location but that it just didn’t have room for more than immediate family?

My husband and I decided during a date 2 years ago we’d get married at one specific restaurant in town. It seated a maximum of 60 people, so that’s what we told folks.

Post # 14
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee

Just because you have a wedding at home, doesn’t mean you have to invite everybody you know. It just means you have to have a spine and be confident in your decision.  You can still do low-key and a restaurant anywhere.

People don’t care that badly. As long as you aren’t shouting your plans from the rooftop and shoving it in everybody’s faces that you’re not inviting them,  nobody is really going to pay that much attention . You’re not going to have a hundred people asking why they aren’t invited. You don’t need to tell a hundred people you’re not inviting them. You just invite the ones you want. You may get a handful of people inquiring and then you can just say that you’re planning a very low-key immediate family only ceremony and dinner out.  You dont need an entirely different country to do that.

Post # 15
Member
4182 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

harrietemily :  England is way more wheelchair friendly than the majority of places in Italy. Even if the costs are the same the ease of getting around would definitely be a determining factor for someone travelling with a physical disability. Also accommodation in the price range you stated would not most likely be wheelchair friendly in Italy. That’s B&B prices and B&Bs are usually small, privately run and don’t have ramps, elevators, wheelchair friendly bathrooms and railings in showers etc. Basically a nightmare for a person with limited mobility… 

Get married at home and honeymoon in Italy if you want those you love around you to witness your marriage. If you dont want that then elope and have a dinner out at a restaurant to celebrate with family. 

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