(Closed) Everything has been cancelled! Disappointed!

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9814 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Do you have relatives from out of town? Because it’s so much harder and more expensive Derby weekend. Sounds liKe it wasn’t meant to be that weekend- but there are others! And then you have time to find vendors you trust and like. 

Im sorry it’s frustrating but I bet you’ll find a lot less uphill battles, for less money, maybe with a Bridesmaid or Best Man or two  there for a different non-derby date and then when it all works out youll be glad this all happened! 

Post # 4
231 posts
Helper bee

From reading this post and the previous one, it sounds like you really need to prioritize what you want. In your previous post you LOVED all the vendors, has researched them forever, and were 100% sure they were what you wanted. You wanted your friends there but you really wanted these vendors.

Now you’ve changed the date (for the 3rd or 4th time) and are pissed at the vendors who were perfect before.

I would decide the 1-2 things that are most important to you and work around those, because you’re creating a lot of extra stress by changing things so much.

Post # 5
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That venue coordinator sounds like a real dud!  I’d be mad as well.

Here’s what we did to pick a wedding date – we knew we wanted to have it on a Saturday in the summer of 2013.

We printed up calendar pages of each month between May and September.  We surveyed all our close family and wedding party to give us any weekends they were busy between May and September and noted all the conflicts on the calendar.  We visited a bunch of venues and noted the available Saturdays of each on the calendar (elimininating any venues we didn’t like, etc).  We also eliminated any dates that were near holidays.  As you found, prices can be higher but also we thought our potential guests would probably be wanting to spend their holidays with their families, etc.

We checked the calendar and found all the dates where the availability of the venues we liked matched the availability of our close family and wedding party.  We googled those dates and our city to see if there were any big events that might cause a problem.  We checked with the closest hotels to the possible venues to see if they had availability issues for those dates.

In the end we ended up with only three possible dates where everyone/everything was available.  We picked the vendor we liked the best, which put us down to two dates, and then the final check on hotel availability told us our hotel had a big conference on one of those dates and had no rooms available, so we ended up with one date and one vendor.  At that point we finalized the date.

It was difficult, but in the end we had all our close family and wedding party able to make it.  (Granted, things could have come up).

I agree that if you pick the important stuff and then schedule around that, you’ll have an easier time.  If it is important that your wedding party all be there, you’ll need to schedule around them.

For us, our close family, wedding party, and the convenience of a hotel nearby were our most important.  Using those criteria made our selection of date and venue pretty clear.


Post # 6
13017 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly, I think the caterer is being up-front and well within her rights.  She can choose to charge more on a big weekend, as I assume Derby Day is out in Kentucky!  There are also almost always fees if you significantly deviate from your original proposal.  They are prepared to bring in a certain amount of money, and if two weeks before, it’s significantly different, that can have big consequences.  Imagine if you had a set salary at work, and ten days before payday, your boss says “Just kidding, we cut your salary by 20%.”  That wouldn’t fly, because you were budgeting your life on that negotiated rate that your employer gives you for working.  It shouldn’t fly for you to do that to someone else’s business, either.

As for the venue coordinator, she sounds like she messed up.  Like you said, she’s new.  Maybe she didn’t know how things work completely.  Meet with her Thursday, get everything in writing in the contract, and decide if you want to go forward.

And finally, for the bridesmaids.  You can’t get mad at someone for not coming to your wedding because they are having a baby on that day.  I didn’t read the back story, but… she’s having a baby!  Be happy for her!  In the grand scheme of things, the baby changes her life much more dramatically than your wedding, and I’m sure she didn’t plan the due date just to upset you. The second bridesmaid has a family obligation – did she decide to go to the wedding after accepting to be your bridesmaid and know your date?  That’s the only way I’d see grounds for being upset with her.

Post # 7
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

oh wow! are you just going to go with a later date? i’m so sorry 🙁 i would be so mad

Post # 8
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@slc201329:  I think it all sounds pretty reasonable… the venue coordinator did mess up though, but luckily that got fixed. As far as the caterer, holding your date without a deposit is very nice of them. I don’t think they are in the wrong for wanting to know if you are going to sign a contract with them.

It will all work out 🙂

Post # 9
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009


+1 to all of this. Very well said.


I’m sorry that you’re having so much difficulty with your wedding planning, but planning and orchestrating large special events definitely can be a daunting task. The fact that this is your wedding makes it all the more stressful. Unfortunately, busy people do sometimes forget to do what they said that they would do, and vendors are going to set their prices based on what the market will bear (supply and demand.)

I had a major issue trying to find an antique car vendor or limousine company that would allow me to rent a vehicle and hire a driver for three hours (to pick us up from our semi-destination ceremony/reception venue and take us to our hotel in our departure city.) I married during peak prom season, and almost everything was booked far in advance, and almost all of the pricing was based on a minimum of 8-11 hours of service (for more than $1,000), since that’s what the prom bookings were commanding. I finally found a very small, private, limo company that said that they deliberately choose “not to penalize brides” just because it’s prom season. Their small fleet of smaller, conservative-looking limos didn’t lend itself to the large, tricked-out style of limos that are popular with teens, so I was able to contract for the amount of time I needed and at a price that didn’t break the bank.

Post # 10
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@abbie017:  +1 to her.

 @slc201329:  I’m sorry everything seems so frustrating, but I’ll offer a little advice.

I’ve been in the industry, and the following all seem normal

– Her passing up on other people by holding your date (which is why I never hold / reserve dates… I think she made a rookie mistake)

– Her wanting to charge more for Derby weekend

– Extra charges if your guests decrease by greater than 25% (I have that same clause with my caterer)

it seems like you were misled to believe that having a Sunday wedding would be less expensive, but I can tell you that it is not always the case.


The following however indicates to me she is new and not very good at negotiating

– Mentioning that she’s passing up other business

– Trying to rush you – she never should have held your date in the first place

I think she is doing you a favor by holding your date for you.

Hope everything works out

Post # 14
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@slc201329:  Your response is very well worded and professional. Her response? Really not professional – terrible grammar, spelling, etc. I’ve worked weddings for 5 years and would not work with someone who communicates like that, what vendor in the world says “A Girl Gotta Work”?!. You dodged a bullet by not working with her. 

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