Everything is falling apart, please help!

posted 2 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 17
Member
5013 posts
Bee Keeper

JFC. YES! YOU STOP SPENDING MONEY ON HER.  You seriously needed that spelled out for you?

She’s ashamed of you.

She won’t acknowledge your marriage in public or even TO YOU PRIVATELY!

She doesn’t even want to be alone with you.

I mean, have you ever legitimately heard a couple in love ever say they wouldn’t enjoy a lovely vacation together because there’s “attractions” they can only appreciate in a large group?

No.  No you haven’t.  Because it’s not a thing.  Because it’s only a thing you say when you’re afraid you’ll have to put out for someone you feel indebted to and don’t actually want to be around so you build in a buffer.

Your head is buried deep in the sand if you can’t recognize that.

 

ETA:  Use the money you would have been spending on her car and treating her to a vacation and buying her things to pay for a consult with a divorce attorney.  The first consult might even be free.  Generally a legal marriage anywhere is recognized anywhere unless that marriage would otherwise be illegal there (i.e. you are same sex partners living in a country that doesn’t recognize same sex marriages).  Do it before our political leaders f*** up relations between the UK and the US even more and make it even harder.  You can pay to get copies of paperwork you need by contacting the county you got married in if necessary.

Post # 19
Member
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Yikes what a mess. YES, stop paying her bills. Does she live alone or with her parents? And why isn’t she working???? She’s 23, not in school, and has a sugar daddy paying her bills. She doesn’t even work but gets her bills paid, gets fancy gifts and vacations, all for FREE. Stop paying her things!

She may have loved you before, but not anymore. She now doesn’t want to go on vacations with you alone, would rather go as a group because she doesn’t want to spend alone time with you anymore. She blocked you, her husband! Sure, she has photos of you guys up in her room. So what? That doesn’t mean she loves you. Her actions and attitude toward you speak VOLUMES.

OP, she sounds too young, too immature to be married (and you too, TBH, money isn’t love). Just because nothing is what she wants (no fancy diamond ring, no fancy proposal, no fancy wedding), she is no longer in love with you. Don’t marry someone who is so materialistic like her.

Sorry OP.

Post # 21
Member
1600 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
lover27 :   everything here is wrong..end this catastrophe  and hopefully you find a genuine love in the future. 

Post # 22
Member
1600 posts
Bumble bee

You should be able to produce your certificate and file for divorce in the uk. It’s pretty simple 

Post # 23
Member
291 posts
Helper bee

Oh, honey. I feel so bad for you. A lot of the other posters have been a little harsh, but I think they’re basically all right. I’m glad you’re starting to see the light. 

Does this girl even make you happy? Is your life better because she’s in it? Because you hardly mention a single positive thing about her in the entire post. It sounds like you were both infatuated with each other in the beginning and you were intoxicated by your first serious relationship, but those superficial things faded quickly and you were left fighting for a relationship that was never built on a real foundation. 

I understand. Especially when I was younger, I spent too much time desperately fighting to make relationships work that just … didn’t. I think sometimes when we tell people “relationships are hard work” we do them a disservice. Yes, sometimes relationships require compromise and selflessness, but overall your relationship should be bringing you overwhelmingly more joy than hardship. If that’s not the case, then something’s not right. And this relationship definitely isn’t right. 

Post # 24
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

View original reply
lover27 :  yes sir you ABSOLUTELY  STOP paying her bills!! I cannot believe what i am reading. You sound like the sweetest guy ever & she just sounds nasty to me.

-refusing to go by husband & wife: nasty.

-nah nag nagging about the purposal not stop: nasty.

-refusing a vacation with her own damn husband: nasty.

-you paying 90% of her bills while she lays around unemployed & bangs other dudes in America: nasty.

This is so gross. You’re nothing to her but a sugar daddy. You deserve a sweet UK girl. Please listen to the women on this thread & annull this marriage. You will regret not doing so.

 

ETA: just saw your updates. Good job! You’re on the right track (:

Post # 25
Member
694 posts
Busy bee

Mate please, this is a car crash. She sounds like a complete dose and a needy, whiny, spoiled child.

You can’t buy someone’s love. Cut her off and file for a divorce.

There is no love or partnership here – so stop bankrolling her.

Post # 27
Member
29 posts
Newbee

View original reply
lover27 :  she’s blocked you in the sense that you can not communicate with her anymore?? This is so strange. My condolences. You deserve much better than this. 

Post # 28
Member
947 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Your comments about how you told her you could just find another American, or trade her in for a younger model don’t seem very funny to me. Given your friends are on your side and her friends are on hers, it would be interesting to hear the other side. I also don’t understand why she agreed to a small wedding when she was so upset about the proposal and wanted a big wedding. Or why if you’re from the UK you’d be at risk of deportation from the US.

Regardless, it sounds like there are major communication issues.

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