There’s a fine line between…
There’s a fine line between… lust being the only glue keeping your relationship together and lust that is an integral, important and healthy part of a relationship. I’m not a part of the ‘sex doesn’t matter’ camp. I think sex, and good sex, is very, very important. If you aren’t enjoying your sex now, how will you when life gets more complicated with children and aging parents, more job responsibility, etc. The amount of sex will decrease, but your desire for it shouldn’t. I have a friend who married a guy who floated her boat ‘enough’. They had a decent sex life, but rather mediocre. Now 4 years and a child into the relationship, he feel like he always has to beg for it and she spends her time dreading the times she finally gives in.
There’s a fine line between…marrying someone who is your best friend and marrying someone who is *only* your best friend. There is a reason why we marry someone one that is so much more that being best friends. I don’t have to share life goals with my best friend. I can have issues with my best friend that we just ignore and focus on what is good between us. I don’t have to compromise with my best friend (other than were we eat and what movie to watch). I can bitch to my friend about things that I couldn’t with my Darling Husband. Two totally different relationships. I came to the realization; I didn’t want to marry my best friend. I married my Favorite Person. He has some of the attributes of a best friend, but so much more. And one important one is the sex.
There’s a fine line between…longing for another person because it a sign you shouldn’t be with this person and a sign that you are subconsciously scared and trying to create emotional distance. I’m lucky that my Darling Husband is better endowed than my ex, and we have great sex. But my ex and I had the most mind blowing sex (mostly because we didn’t see each other very often and the sessions where much longer).
I noticed that the closer I got to my Darling Husband emotionally, the more I thought about my ex. Sometimes you don’t realize that you are moving closer together since it sorta slowly happens. It got to the point where I would catch myself thinking about the ex and I’d immediately start to think about what happened with Darling Husband to trigger those thoughts. I realized the more intense my thoughts of ex, the more intense the closeness between my Darling Husband and I. (Don’t get me started on the crazy thoughts I had after our parents met and the fathers started to ‘argue’ about who would be the little league coach.)
Being with the ex, and thinking about the ex, was safe. Getting closer to Darling Husband felt great, but on some level, very scary; there is a lot of risk involved with opening your heart.
Only you can figure out which side of the line you are. But use the other guy as a factor or comparison. This decision should be based on what is going one between the two of you, not what could have been or might be with someone else. Answer this…if in 5-10 years, you divorce the current guy, will you be able to look back and say, “I knew it wouldn’t work because…” I’m always surprised at how many people are able to look back and see the signs.