Post # 1
I am frustrated and feel like calling off the wedding and just eloping. My fiancee’s 2 sisters are BOTH due this summer – one right before and one right after our wedding (can’t be helped, of course no hard feelings)…On top of that both his mom and my dad have health issues they just told the family about… and my Maid/Matron of Honor who I’ve known since grade 1 has turned out to be the worst Maid/Matron of Honor you could imagine! For one thing, she wants to go on a 6 week trip that she hasn’t even booked tickets for yet during the ONLY window where someone’s not dropping a calf! (and the only window we can actually book a venue). My elderly grandparents probably won’t make it ’till next year so it’s important to me to have the wedding this year.
My maid of honour knows all of these things, but she hasn’t offered to maybe…go on her trip she hasn’t even booked yet two weeks later or something? Is that too much to expect her to offer? Also, My mother is a…let’s just say we don’t have a history of getting along too well. She’s a massive irrational control freak and unfortunately just a mean spirited person. I won’t get into it but she’s been stressing Joel and I out somehow more than the three 90+ grandparents, the 2 pregnant sisters, the Mother-In-Law with cancer, etc.
I just feel like NOBODY cares about us or our wedding and that we might as well say “screw you friends and family!” and elope. Joel’s family and my grandparents would be upset if we did that though, so regardless of how liberating and satisfying that would be…I guess it can’t happen.
Obviously with all of this going on, I’m frustrated and stressed and so is Joel and it’s causing us to fight. I could really use a friend, (maybe my friend I’ve known since grade 1?). But all my Maid/Matron of Honor does is complain to me and ask my advice and never actually take it, about her boyfriend of 3 months who she doesn’t see a future with and he told her he doesn’t see a future with her either. She texts me, Facebook’s me, e-mails me and calls me wanting me to listen to her analyse some mundane text from him or something like that. I seriously spend at least (at LEAST!) 6 hours a week listening to her vent/grump/complain/analyse/generally be kind of psycho about some guy who is unimportant in any grand scheme of things.
And what does she do if I try to bring up anything about my problems or my wedding? Complain about how annoying it will be when her friends start getting married. She’s emotionally exhausting me at a time when I’m already emotionally exhausted! And she’s so self-involved (I guess I always knew that about her but I figured if ONE person in my entire life would be nice to me about the wedding, it might be her).
Anyone else feel like your wedding is just going to be some dumb show you’re acting in to an audience of people who don’t care? It just feels so pointless!
Sorry for the rant!
Post # 3
oh wow that’s a long rant, sorry!
Post # 4
After reading this post and the last one about the rings, I am starting to think that perhaps you should be more direct with people. It seems like you are unhappy about things but unwilling to ask for what you want. If my maid of honor wanted to go on vacation the same week we I wanted to have my wedding I would so fine, and find someone who does care enough to be there. Tell your Future Mother-In-Law that she needs to grow up and stop asking you to coddle her. It is time to focus on yourself and your upcoming wedding. Problem fixed, now everyone is dealing with their own issues instead of trying to make their problem your issue.
Post # 6
You always have such level-headed good advice!
You’re right. I think I do let people walk on me, and it’s bad luck that my family is kind of insane and my best friend is too self-obsessed to care about this major event in my life. I did kind of try to bring it up to my maid of honour (I told her I feel like people don’t care and that we’re just accomodating people from every direction and I actually told her that since the only time we can have our wedding this year is July, we’re not going to be able to accomodate her. I told her it breaks my heart to have my wedding without her, but it’s what needs to happen).
She still hasn’t told me if she plans on moving her trip (ridiculous) and her response to what I told her was that she feels like I’m ‘attacking her’. <– (too bad!)
I have two bridesmaids who are both my MOH’s, and my other one is super caring and wonderful and I love her beyond words, but she’s out of town so I hardly get to see her.
You are right though! From now on I am going to think of Joel and myself and what we want and try to have fun planning our wedding despite the lack of love/support from anyone around us. He’s wonderful and he’s my new (improved) family! (:
Post # 7
You are so welcome. I am glad that you appreciated my advice because sometimes people don’t. For some reason a lot of people tend to see my as cold or mean. I don’t think I am, but I am honest and people can’t seem to tell the difference. Thank you for the compliment. (hug)
Post # 8
<– I agree 100%. Take control of it now before it escalates even further. It’s your wedding and if people have issues being there on the day YOU AND YOUR Fiance CHOSE, then that’s their issue, not yours. 🙂 I learned this the hard way (kept feeling like I had to move my date to choose my date around others) and ended up picking an amazing one that I will NOT be moving).
Your Maid/Matron of Honor sounds annoying. Tell her to go on her trip if it’s more important than your wedding. And you were NOT attacking her, she was being stupid and inconsiderate. Just because she’s in a crappy relationship does not mean that your wedding has less meaning. How stupid.
Post # 9
“Dropping a calf” hahahah, sorry to laugh, it sounds like you’re having a rough time, but I’ve not heard that expression before and it’s awesome!
On a serious note, I know she’s your long-time friend, but I think it’s better for you to do without your Maid/Matron of Honor and find someone who can be there for you (emotionally, and without the drama queen antics). It sounds like your other bridesmaid/MOH is more supportive, in spite of her not being close by.
Stay positive 🙂 “You are right though! From now on I am going to think of Joel and myself and what we want and try to have fun planning our wedding despite the lack of love/support from anyone around us. He’s wonderful and he’s my new (improved) family! (:” I think you are approaching this in the best possible way!
Post # 10
On top of my out of town Maid/Matron of Honor being the most awesome person ever, she came up with the expression “dropping a calf”! <– one of the many reasons I love her! hahaha
Post # 11
yikes! No matter what happens, this is going to be one of the greatest days of your life! One of my friends had horrible weather on her wedding day and almost no one in her husband’s family could make it (at the last minute!), BUT she still had an amazing time, and just had more occasion to celebrate later.