- 5 months ago
- Wedding: July 2020
Hi Bees, I’ll try and keep this short and sweet and to the point!
So, Im due to get married next year in August.
Me and my OH have been together for 4 years and have always had a great relationship – we are very much best friends and ive never met anyone who i feel so comfortable and content with. We just ‘click’ – and have done since day 1.
However, one thing thats really getting to me is our (now) lack of sex life.. EEK.
We used to do it a LOT.
When we first got together it was constant. Even when the frequency slowed a little after a year or so it was still good – we were both happy with it. Now i’ll be completely honest ive never had a raging drive anyway, but i do enjoy sex and would like it to be a fairly big part of the relationship. I’d actually say we have similar drives and we view sex in the same way – its never really been unbalanced – but for some reason we just dont seem to have that wonderful spontaneous sex that we once had (im aware it wanes once youve been together for a while but sometimes we aren’t even doing it once a month, let alone once a week.) Since we bought our house and moved in together about 2 years ago it really has taken a back seat.
Whilst sex is important to me/us it isn’t THE most important thing in my/our opinion and i think for a while ive made excuses for the lack of sex we’re having purely because i dont see it as the most important factor. Our relationship is pretty much perfect in every other way. We are very open about it with one another and weve both said we would like it more, but nothing seems to work. It now feels like a wedge between us and we’ve put so much pressure on it that when we do get to it now it just feels a bit forced. Which doesnt exactly make me excited to do it again!
Its making me question if i actually fancy him any more – i mean, if i did, wouldn’t i still want to jump into bed with him most nights!? I love him to pieces but i cannot shake this feeling. I believe I am over-analysing it even more now because the wedding date is fast coming around, and im starting to feel a bit sad that at 29 my days of wild sex are over and we’ve settled into a routine now of being one of those couples who do it every once in a while. I just never sit there of an evening and think ‘i really want him tonight’ – i just never feel up for it anymore and i feel like ive gone a bit cold.
I just dont really get that spontaneous urge to jump his bones any more – but then again, in every long term relationship i have ever had i do seem to lose interest sexually after about 2 years anyway… i think its at the point i become comfortable. No matter how much ive fancied my past partners, i get a bit bored of it after that 2 year mark.
I cant imagine life without him and i wish we could just get past this issue once and for all.
We have a lovely house and a pet dog together and if we split purely because of this is would destroy us both emotionally as well as everything we have worked hard to achieve. We have a wonderful life together.
Im so excited for the wedding but part of me just feels like theres something not quite right on the sex front. I know a handful of other couples due to get married around the same time as us and i just cant help comparing our relationship to theirs – i imagine theyre still having sex all the time *i dont actually know this but i presume so* and it really upsets me. Like i say, im NOT one of these people who thinks sex is the be all and end all of a relationship but it is still important to me and i simply cant imagine being in a sexless relationship.
I can imagine us both being happy in the future and i can visualse our lives/future together – its not like ive lost all hope for the relationship – its just this ONE part that doesnt feel 100% right to me. I never dread coming home to him, or dread spending time with him on a weekend – we have the best time together and we are forever laughing, joking and talking together. We dont really sit in silence and its never awkward between us – ever. Its just our waining sex life that has me very worried 🙁
Have any of you other bees been in this situation?
What did you do and what was the outcome?
Any advice greatly appreciated.
Thank you 🙂