(Closed) Everything went downhill after engagement- plz advise

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee

flygirl31 : Would you believe that I’m about to mention Game Theory?  

I think that you need to look up “the Sunk Cost Fallacy”, sometimes known as the “Concorde Fallacy”.

You are basing your decisions on future investment in a flawed relationship on an emotional attachment to the amount of past investment in the said relationship. 

In game theory, politics, business, war and love this leads to bad decisions.

Cut your losses. He’s a bad investment.

Post # 21
Member
7683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

flygirl31 :  I agree with 

Supersleuth :   lifeisbeeutiful :   brielle811 :  Please do not stay with this man.  He is showing you the least of what you can expect if you marry him.  You will be miserable, and in danger, as things end up getting worse.  If you can’t find an employer to sponsor your visa, then return home and try again.  I am so sorry for what you are going through, but rather return home, apply for another visa and return, than marry and be miserable, abused and quite possibly lose your life with someone who is so violent.  Reach out to your (safe) connections while you are here, perhaps there is someone who will hire you on.  I am worried for your safety. Don’t let him know your plans.  

Post # 22
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee

flygirl31 :  I say this because if you weren’t so financially dependent on him  and didn’t need him for your green card then you wouldn’t marry him.  You’ve made that much clear. If you were gainfully employed you’d break off the engagement and just breathe – that’s what you said.

There is nothing worse than a bad marriage. If it’s this bad and you’re only engaged then marriage is very likely to be worse.  

Ultimately it’s your call.

On another subject – if you’re going to write a long message use paragraph breaks.  Online they are really helpful.  It’s much easier to follow arguments and thought processes.

Post # 23
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

flygirl31 :  First of all I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I second the counseling idea. Can you also go to consult an immigration lawyer on your own without him? See what options you have? Also be sure to check the lawyers status with the Bar Association. I’m sure it sucks to feel stuck like this, it would be great to find other options. That said, try the counseling even if on your own if he is willing to pay. If not, some cities have community centers with counseling options and maybe on a sliding scale of cost!

 

 

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