Post # 1
I am making this post and this account because I am so stressed about this that I feel sick to my stomach and cannot sleep.
My FH and I are getting married next year and although we have not asked anyone to be a Groomsmen or Bridesmaid or Best Man yet, I know his sister is expecting to be one of my bridesmaid. My sister will likely be my Maid/Matron of Honor, FH is including my brother since they are close, and his own brother is his best man. To give a little background, we have been together for about 6 years and she has been trouble from the beginning. I have always tried to be as kind to her as possible but it is straining my mental health. As a result, she has decided that we are close friends even if I don’t see it as anything near that. I think this is probably because she has trouble keeping any friends. Just as a general rule, she keeps friends for maybe a month or two before she insults and drives them away. She calls herself honest but I would say mean or cruel is more accurate. So far, I have not been a victim of hers (I try to keep my distance as much as I can) but there is only so much I can avoid. I am very close with my future Mother-In-Law and spend a lot of time with her since FH is frequently traveling for business. Since Future Sister-In-Law has money trouble, she lives with her mother and I can’t avoid her.
To give a few examples of her behaviors in the past:
– Asked for and received several loans from family members totaling well over $5,000 (most from FH) which she said she would pay back but secretly confessed to her mother that she likely never will.
– Constantly made cruel “jokes” to everyone around her (mostly toward her mother) and cannot understand why anyone ever becomes upset about them
– Had several pregnancy scares with random men which she has confessed to me were on purpose.
– Moved across the country several times on a whim (twice for men, with whom she only stayed a couple weeks and met over the internet) only to beg for her mother to finance her move back into their family home when she can no longer afford to live on her own.
– Told me how jealous she is of my relationship with her brother (my fiance). She desperately wants to be close to him but they do not have a close relationship because of all the reasons I am listing.
– Always openly admitted to wanting to be the center of attention. I have not a bit of doubt that she will try to ‘steal the spotlight’ at the wedding. She absolutely has to be in every picture taken at all events. She needs attention in all situations. The worst example I can think of is when her second cousin’s grandfather’s was put into hospice care. She had to be by the man’s side the entire time as he passed (she did not know him all that well) and would not allow even the man’s sister to take her place. No one said anything and it was horrifying.
There is much, much more and probably worse things than I have listed, but I don’t want to get into the rest of it. I just know that having her in my wedding party would be a disaster. I have been seeing a therapist because I just don’t know how to deal with her while maintaining my own sanity. I have talked with FH about this and he agrees that she should not be in our wedding. The issue is, the rest of the family is intent on enabling her and making sure everything goes her way so she does not throw a fit. How do I not include her in the wedding while maintaining my relationship with Future Mother-In-Law (who will probably be mad about this) and not causing an enormous amount of drama (I would imagine some is inevitable)? I have been considering asking FH to elope so we don’t have to deal but I really want the rest of our families together and I feel planning around avoiding Future Sister-In-Law would be ‘letting her win’, for lack of a better phrase. Any advice/thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 2
if you don’t want her, don’t ask her. if her family is forcing her to be in the wedding party, then she should be on the groom’s side.
my brother was in my bridal party. he wore a tux like the groomsman, but stood on my side along with the bridesmaids. we called him a bridal attendant.
Post # 3
Didn’t you just post this earlier?
Post # 4
She did, but as she mentioned at the beginning of the other post, this one somehow got marked as spam and hidden. Looks like they un-marked it as spam, thus it being here and making her look like a double-poster.
Post # 5
Ohhhhhh. I was so confused, I commented on the other thread and wasn’t sure what happened.
Post # 6
I only knew because I was intrigued by this post title originally as soon as it was posted, but when I clicked, it was gone! When I saw the new post, I immediately clicked to hear about the “evil Future Sister-In-Law,” lol. And yes, this Future Sister-In-Law does absolutely sound like a piece of work!
Post # 7
look it’s tough but life is full of these moments and you might as well learn how to do it now. No is a complete sentence, as they say.
Id preempt her by – in front of everyone and very casually – saying I’ve had my girls picked out for years. If she or anyone else pushes just smile and say “what a lovely thought, but we’ve already decided on this, thanks for the suggestion!”
Post # 8
Just don’t ask her, its totally fine- you’re not required to make her a BM!
Post # 9
Just dont invite her… or dont have bridesmaids at all.
Post # 10
As a fellow bee dealing with a psychotic Future Sister-In-Law, please take my advice. Do not invite her to be a part of your wedding party. And stand firm in your decision. It may affect your relationship with other family members – yes. But the wedding is just one day. You need to establish boundaries between you and your Future Sister-In-Law starting now, so her shenanigans don’t start to infiltrate your marriage and affect your life.
I’ll give you an example, my Future Sister-In-Law is the textbook definition of narcissistic with all of the nasty traits associated with it. She has lied about my character and tried to destroy my relationship (feel free to read past posts). So, my Fiance and I have had no interaction with her for the past 8 months. Things have been great! Two days after getting engaged, my Future Mother-In-Law wants my Future Sister-In-Law and I to all sit down together and discuss our differences so she can attend the wedding. My Future Sister-In-Law rears her ugly head to congratulate me (after she told my then bf to break up with me 5 months ago).
I-ve remained consistent and will continue to be. The answer is no. She won’t be at the wedding. The answer is no. I won’t reply to her messages. Because I’ve decided I don’t want her in my life and I could care less about what anybody has to say about it. My sanity and my marriage comes first. Take my advice and be prepared to start telling your in-laws the same thing. Good luck, bee. xoxo
Post # 11
So you each one 1 brother and 1 sister, is that correct?
This may not be fair, but I suggest not making your brother a groomsman. If your bridal party is simply your sister and his brother, no one can complain. (And is certainly a far better alternative than eloping).
But to have the 3 other siblings in the bridal party, and not her, could be seen as a slap in the face to his sister. Even if she deserves it, it is a recipe for tension and bad feelings.
Post # 12
I know it’s easier said than done.
You should tell her one day ( before she asks to be ur BM) that u are so excited u have sent invites to all ur bridesmaids which is indirectly telling her she’s not ur Bridesmaid or Best Man. If she asks , tell her sorry that it will be uneven than Groomsmen n that you would like to stick with what u decided.
Post # 13
I would definitely consider a SUPER small bridal party. Even just 1 or 2 (or none- my personal preference ) will be a clear line and it wouldn’t be weird she’s not included.
Post # 14
I would just have a maid of honor and a best man. Give your respective siblings readings to do. You ask ypur brother. He asks his sister.
Post # 15
I read your posts and I can’t imagine what you’re going through! That is a very difficult situation. I am both impressed and inspired by your sticking to your guns and standing up for yourself! I’m sending you positive thoughts!
I have decided that she absolutely will not be included in my Bridal Party and I’m going to stick to that decision. FI and I are going to sit down with his mother and prep her for the potential tantrum/damage control. FSIL has a classic case of Borderline Personality Disorder which has added to the situation immensely… She sees everything in her life as black and white and is constantly doing what is called “splitting”, where she sees someone as a hero one day and a villian the next. It’s been very difficult to handle…