(Closed) Evil Future SIL wants to be a bridesmaid. How do I tell her no?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

if you don’t want her, don’t ask her.  if her family is forcing her to be in the wedding party, then she should be on the groom’s side.

my brother was in my bridal party.  he wore a tux like the groomsman, but stood on my side along with the bridesmaids.  we called him a bridal attendant.

Post # 3
Member
10601 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Didn’t you just post this earlier?

Post # 4
Member
324 posts
Helper bee

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slomotion :  She did, but as she mentioned at the beginning of the other post, this one somehow got marked as spam and hidden. Looks like they un-marked it as spam, thus it being here and making her look like a double-poster.

Post # 5
Member
10601 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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littlemogwai :  Ohhhhhh. I was so confused, I commented on the other thread and wasn’t sure what happened.

Post # 6
Member
324 posts
Helper bee

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slomotion :  I only knew because I was intrigued by this post title originally as soon as it was posted, but when I clicked, it was gone! When I saw the new post, I immediately clicked to hear about the “evil Future Sister-In-Law,” lol. And yes, this Future Sister-In-Law does absolutely sound like a piece of work!

Post # 7
Member
11385 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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peachykeen29 :  look it’s tough but life is full of these moments and you might as well learn how to do it now. No is a complete sentence, as they say. 

Id preempt her by – in front of everyone and very casually – saying I’ve had my girls picked out for years. If she or anyone else pushes just smile and say “what a lovely thought, but we’ve already decided on this, thanks for the suggestion!” 

Post # 8
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Just don’t ask her, its totally fine- you’re not required to make her a BM! 

Post # 9
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Just dont invite her… or dont have bridesmaids at all.

Post # 10
Member
2586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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peachykeen29 :  As a fellow bee dealing with a psychotic Future Sister-In-Law, please take my advice. Do not invite her to be a part of your wedding party. And stand firm in your decision. It may affect your relationship with other family members – yes. But the wedding is just one day. You need to establish boundaries between you and your Future Sister-In-Law starting now, so her shenanigans don’t start to infiltrate your marriage and affect your life.

I’ll give you an example, my Future Sister-In-Law is the textbook definition of narcissistic with all of the nasty traits associated with it. She has lied about my character and tried to destroy my relationship  (feel free to read past posts). So, my Fiance and I have had no interaction with her for the past 8 months. Things have been great! Two days after getting engaged, my Future Mother-In-Law wants my Future Sister-In-Law and I to all sit down together and discuss our differences so she can attend the wedding. My Future Sister-In-Law rears her ugly head to congratulate me (after she told my then bf to break up with me 5 months ago).

I-ve remained consistent and will continue to be. The answer is no. She won’t be at the wedding. The answer is no. I won’t reply to her messages. Because I’ve decided I don’t want her in my life and I could care less about what anybody has to say about it. My sanity and my marriage comes first. Take my advice and be prepared to start telling your in-laws the same thing. Good luck, bee. xoxo

Post # 11
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

So you each one 1 brother and 1 sister, is that correct?

This may not be fair, but I suggest not making your brother a groomsman. If your bridal party is simply your sister and his brother, no one can complain. (And is certainly a far better alternative than eloping).

But to have the 3 other siblings in the bridal party, and not her, could be seen as a slap in the face to his sister. Even if she deserves it, it is a recipe for tension and bad feelings.

Post # 12
Member
367 posts
Helper bee

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peachykeen29 :  I know it’s easier said than done. 

You should tell her one day ( before she asks to be ur BM) that u are so excited u have sent invites to all ur bridesmaids which is indirectly telling her she’s not ur Bridesmaid or Best Man. If she asks , tell her sorry that it will be uneven than Groomsmen n that you would like to stick with what u decided.

Post # 13
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I would definitely consider a SUPER small bridal party. Even just 1 or 2 (or none- my personal preference ) will be a clear line and it wouldn’t be weird she’s not included.

Post # 14
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee

I would just have a maid of honor and a best man.  Give your respective siblings readings to do. You ask ypur brother. He asks his sister.

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