Evil SIL, break up

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
534 posts
Busy bee

Vanesa1 :  They were naked at the party in front of everyone??

On a side note, you should be careful about planning another wedding with someone who is so easily swayed by others’ opinions that he can’t make decisions about his own relationships.

Post # 3
Member
2258 posts
Buzzing bee

Does he see her manipulation?

If he doesn’t, this problem will continue to come up. She is what she is: a troublemaker and manipulator. It doesn’t matter how you handle her if he doesn’t also see what she does. It doesn’t matter how committed you and your fiancé are to the relationship if he doesn’t understand that he can’t believe her and accommodate her and give her the benefit of the doubt.

Don’t focus on what to do about her unless and until your fiancé is on the same page as you when it comes to her. If he doesn’t see things the way you do, leave him, because this situation will make the marriage and life in general difficult — more difficult than it has any reason to be.

ETA: don’t bend over backwards to help him see what’s going on. Give him a few weeks or maybe a few months, but not longer than that. 

If he hems and haws or says he understands but displays through his actions that he doesn’t, leave him ASAP.

Post # 4
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee

Just to make sure I have this right – your fiance allowed his sister to talk him out of his own wedding, 3 weeks before you were set to get married? You didn’t end up getting married because he canceled the wedding, based on something his sister said about you?

Yeah – don’t marry this guy. If he’s that easily swayed, and his sister is that manipulative, you’re just signing yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness. 

Sounds like you dodged a bullet with this one. 

Post # 5
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee

 Whoops double post.

Post # 6
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Vanesa1 :  I would not stay with him. If you do, then you need to set some serious boundaries. And your Fiance needs to be on board. Check out DWIL. Lots of info on how to handle dysfunctional families.

Post # 7
Member
1743 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Vanesa1 :  I have an evil Future Sister-In-Law as well so I’m sorry for what you’re going through. With that being said, my fiance’s sister could never convince him to split with me (not from her lack of trying). He’s a grown man and nobody can force him to do anything he doesn’t want to d. Your Fiance broke up with you because he wanted to. I’m sorry but the problem here is your Fiance, not your Future Sister-In-Law. And no, I wouldn’t take him back or continue the relationship. Dodge this bullet.

Post # 8
Member
383 posts
Helper bee

Your man is too emotionally weak. I would never marry someone who can be talked out of marrying me so easily (and 3 weeks before my wedding). Your sister in law is only as manipulative as she is allowed to be. Noone has to engage.  Your fiance is more at fault here. You can do better.

Post # 9
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

No way would I marry a man who let his sister convince him to cancel the wedding..how long before hand is not important. He’s obviously too immature and too emeshed with his family.  It shouldn’t be this hard, find a man who has actually grown up.

Post # 10
Member
1610 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Have to agree with the other pp’s.  You think you have a SIL problem but you really have a Fiance problem.  If he can so easily be influenced by his SIL you will have constant problems.  What about the rest of FI’s family?  Are they all easily influenced by her as well?  This would make more sense if she was a blood relative.  But SIL? sheesh!

Point blank a break up should’ve never happened if your Fiance had your back.  3 weeks before the wedding no less and then changes his mind right back?  Ummmm nope!  That’s too wishy washy for me.

Post # 11
Member
6800 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

This is not a SIL problem. This is a Fiance problem (though after what has happened I’m confused as to whether he still is your Fiance or not). 

I would cut all ties and move on. No point in getting back with this guy when you two are obviously not on the same page and he is so easily swayed by others’ opinions. 

Post # 12
Member
9615 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Saying his SIL manipulated him is a cope out. He’s an adult, he made the decision to leave you three weeks before your wedding. She didn’t force him to do anything and quite frankly I’d never be able to trust and be with someone who allows themselves to be so easily manipulated by others.

Post # 13
Member
10584 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Vanesa1 :  

Why would you want to marry a “man” without a spine?

Post # 14
Member
1424 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

As someone who also has manipulative AF in-laws, I even know no one could convince my Darling Husband to break up with me. I know you love your Fiance and it’ll be hard, but he doesn’t sound like he’s ready to marry anyone if he does whatever the hell SIL says. Leave.

Post # 15
Member
2877 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Him ending it seems more like a blessing than anything. I would not ever marry a man who lets his sister dictate the status of his relationships. You would be setting yourself up for a lifetime of issues. 

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