Post # 1
I have been with my fiancé for 3 years and have had few small issues but we always had love and compassion. Soon after we got engaged he joined the military. I threw him a surprise party to send him off. His brother and sister in law made it about them. They broke a window, were naked during the party and when called out to stop the sister in law got mad at me. My fiancé was having a good time at the party (did not hang out with them) and did not know about any of the shinanigans until after the party. My fiancé was upset and insisted we talk things over. During the “talk”, they said stuff like “sorry that offended you” and “we’re just different than you, we like to have fun”. Soon after my fiancé leaves for 6 months. I planned on his graduation and bought tickets months in advance. They continuously told me they would not attend cuz it’s too far. Two days before they decide to go and because it was last minute my fiancé had no way of knowing and only got tickets for me to sit up front with family. Of course the SIL was upset at me. She refused to even address me during the graduation and dressed to the nines when I went comfortably. They stole the spotlight and out of 6 hours I had with my fiancé, I got a total of 1 hr alone time. She insisted her kids missed uncle and wanted to spent time with him. I ended up falling by the waist side during their family event. My fiancé was so torn he basically ignored it. This caused a rift and major issue for us. 3 weeks before our wedding, the SIL starts manipulating him to end it with me. 3 weeks before he tells me it’s over. Quickly he realizes that he was wrong and wants to fix everything including talking to my family who showed up anyway cuz everyone had nonrefundable tickets (I’m from Europe). Although I see the fault in my fiancé, I can’t help but think he was manipulated because 5 years ago the same SIL told him he’s not allowed to see his brother due to a different religious preference. Same lady also cheated on his brother. The SIL never told me she had issues with me and I even asked her directly with her response being “you’re awesome and I love you”. We are now trying to work things out but I feel a loss of trust and lack of support from both sides of the family. How do I deal with her post this whole mess? Can we have another wedding? Changes have to be made but if we both commit to our relationship, I have to be able to get over someone’s rude and mean ways.
Post # 2
Vanesa1 : They were naked at the party in front of everyone??
On a side note, you should be careful about planning another wedding with someone who is so easily swayed by others’ opinions that he can’t make decisions about his own relationships.
Post # 3
Does he see her manipulation?
If he doesn’t, this problem will continue to come up. She is what she is: a troublemaker and manipulator. It doesn’t matter how you handle her if he doesn’t also see what she does. It doesn’t matter how committed you and your fiancé are to the relationship if he doesn’t understand that he can’t believe her and accommodate her and give her the benefit of the doubt.
Don’t focus on what to do about her unless and until your fiancé is on the same page as you when it comes to her. If he doesn’t see things the way you do, leave him, because this situation will make the marriage and life in general difficult — more difficult than it has any reason to be.
ETA: don’t bend over backwards to help him see what’s going on. Give him a few weeks or maybe a few months, but not longer than that.
If he hems and haws or says he understands but displays through his actions that he doesn’t, leave him ASAP.
Post # 4
Just to make sure I have this right – your fiance allowed his sister to talk him out of his own wedding, 3 weeks before you were set to get married? You didn’t end up getting married because he canceled the wedding, based on something his sister said about you?
Yeah – don’t marry this guy. If he’s that easily swayed, and his sister is that manipulative, you’re just signing yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet with this one.
Post # 6
Vanesa1 : I would not stay with him. If you do, then you need to set some serious boundaries. And your Fiance needs to be on board. Check out DWIL. Lots of info on how to handle dysfunctional families.
Post # 7
Vanesa1 : I have an evil Future Sister-In-Law as well so I’m sorry for what you’re going through. With that being said, my fiance’s sister could never convince him to split with me (not from her lack of trying). He’s a grown man and nobody can force him to do anything he doesn’t want to d. Your Fiance broke up with you because he wanted to. I’m sorry but the problem here is your Fiance, not your Future Sister-In-Law. And no, I wouldn’t take him back or continue the relationship. Dodge this bullet.
Post # 8
Your man is too emotionally weak. I would never marry someone who can be talked out of marrying me so easily (and 3 weeks before my wedding). Your sister in law is only as manipulative as she is allowed to be. Noone has to engage. Your fiance is more at fault here. You can do better.
Post # 9
No way would I marry a man who let his sister convince him to cancel the wedding..how long before hand is not important. He’s obviously too immature and too emeshed with his family. It shouldn’t be this hard, find a man who has actually grown up.
Post # 10
Have to agree with the other pp’s. You think you have a SIL problem but you really have a Fiance problem. If he can so easily be influenced by his SIL you will have constant problems. What about the rest of FI’s family? Are they all easily influenced by her as well? This would make more sense if she was a blood relative. But SIL? sheesh!
Point blank a break up should’ve never happened if your Fiance had your back. 3 weeks before the wedding no less and then changes his mind right back? Ummmm nope! That’s too wishy washy for me.
Post # 11
This is not a SIL problem. This is a Fiance problem (though after what has happened I’m confused as to whether he still is your Fiance or not).
I would cut all ties and move on. No point in getting back with this guy when you two are obviously not on the same page and he is so easily swayed by others’ opinions.
Post # 12
Saying his SIL manipulated him is a cope out. He’s an adult, he made the decision to leave you three weeks before your wedding. She didn’t force him to do anything and quite frankly I’d never be able to trust and be with someone who allows themselves to be so easily manipulated by others.
Post # 13
Why would you want to marry a “man” without a spine?
Post # 14
As someone who also has manipulative AF in-laws, I even know no one could convince my Darling Husband to break up with me. I know you love your Fiance and it’ll be hard, but he doesn’t sound like he’s ready to marry anyone if he does whatever the hell SIL says. Leave.
Post # 15
Him ending it seems more like a blessing than anything. I would not ever marry a man who lets his sister dictate the status of his relationships. You would be setting yourself up for a lifetime of issues.