Post # 1
This is a little bit long… and insane.
My Fiance proposed to me early last summer, after having dated for 4 years. We’re 20 but I think nobody was too worried about us being “young” or anything. A week after we announced our engagement my twin sister called to tell me that her Boyfriend or Best Friend of just over a year had just proposed, but they hadn’t gone to pick a ring yet, so they would wait til they had one to annouce it (thank God, because it looked “twinny” enough).My though: He’s super traditional and there was no ring or call to dad. She clearly nagged him into it.
Next she told me that she would set her date a year after mine, and instead set it only 4 months later. Then she bought the same invites as me and insisted that I should return mine (I told her to take her own back if she didn’t want them to be the same). The whole time she has been complaining to me about how our parents are helping me more financially (FI and I are both in school, her Fiance is working full time and she has a very well paying part time job).
Anyway, the current issue is this: we are each others Maid/Matron of Honor. She has also set her wedding right in my exam week and told me I’ll have to ask for an exemption (this would NEVER go through at my school, which I told her) and she expects me to help for the week leading up to her wedding when I need to be studying.
She just told me that she’s already started a seating plan and my Fiance will be at a table with the other dates of bridal party members. To me, this is the last straw. He will be my husband by that point and I feel like he should at least be at a family table. I’m ready to pull out and attend as a guest, but (I know this is a little selfish) I’m afraid with my wedding coming before hers that if I pull out now I’ll cause some kind of drama and ruin my own day.
This whole thing is so stupid. She’s turned both of our weddings into an endless string of double wedding/twin jokes. Ugh. 🙁
What would you do? Tell her now that I want out? Tell her after my wedding? Suck it up and stay in?
Post # 3
hrm… I think I gotta be honest and say that you need to suck it up.
Four months is a REALLY good amount of time between your dates, so that shouldn’t be an issue. It’s not like it’s a week later, you know?
For whatever reason your sister got engaged when she did, her engagement is still valid, and it would be very, very hurtful for anyone – most of all her sister! – to try and tell her otherwise. That said, your weddings should be neither carbon copies of each other nor a competition.
Maybe you could take some time out to spend with her on her wedding specifically, and stress how much you enjoy being able to focus on just one wedding at a time – she might take the hint and focus on yours when you need it.
I would also advise against dropping out of her wedding party. She’s your twin sister! But, recognizing how busy you are realistically going to be, it might be good to sit her down and gently explain that you are NOT going to be able to miss any of your finals and that the week before the wedding you won’t have much time to help her – set clear boundaries, maybe “one hour a day” or something like that – and offer to step down to being a traditional bm instead of moh if she’d rather ask someone else to help out more.
Post # 4
I’m so glad my sister didn’t pull this trick (I’m a twin as well).
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. I would say suck it up and don’t completely drop out of her wedding party. she has no right to ask you to miss your finals, though. I would sit her down and have a talk about that. If you explain calmly, I’m sure she will understand!
Post # 5
I’m a twin AND my name is Michelle! Haha.
Wow. I would be REALLY upset and hurt if I were in your shoes. Getting engaged at the same time? Irritating. Planning her wedding during your finals week, knowing the issues it’s going to cause? Plain selfish. Same invites?!? JEEEEEZ!! I would make sure that she absolutely understands that you will not be able to miss your final. Ask her what she would like you to do (fly in ASAP? not be MOH? help as much as you can before that week so there’s not a lot to do?).
Are you seating her with her Fiance at your wedding? Ask her how she would feel if they were separated, and then let her know that if you aren’t at the same table, you’ll just pull up a chair next to his, or vice versa. Maybe the threat of throwing off her seating will make her cave! Or call in the parental troops. Sometimes that can help alleviate the tunnel vision of wedding plannning.
Good luck. Sorry you’re dealing with this!
Post # 6
I am a twin, so I can completely understand the frustration, though I agree with daydream about the engagement’s validity regardless of its circumstance. I do think four months is probably far enough apart, but the same invites that you had already purchased?! Noooooo. I think you handled that well; she should return it if she doesn’t want them to be the same. And if she doesn’t return them and they end up being the same, no problem for you because yours is first and hers will look like the obvious copy that it is. And unrelated to the twin thing, I think it is unreasonable to expect you to slack during exam week for her wedding. I wouldn’t even slack during exam week for my own wedding! I think that is a completely legitimate reason to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor. Maybe you can be just a regular bridesmaid to avoid more drama? And when you talk to her, keep the twin competitiveness/resentfulness out of it. I know it’s there; it’s unavoidable. Keep the focus on school and responsibility. Sorry you have to deal with this. Good luck.
Post # 7
suggest a double wedding. that may kill it real fast.
im kidding. that would be a very bad idea!
I have a twin brother, so i kinda get it. he is anti-marriage and anti-kids, but just met a wonderful girl (who i love and is a lot like me) 6 weeks ago and is in love with her. horray for him, its awesome. however, she is moving away (as in half way around the world) for a year and hes decided to wair for her. also good. i really like her.
but now he says he want to marry her and have kids right away. ummmm, what? Ive been with Fiance for 4 years already and we arent planning on having kids for a couple years. I guess my bro just didnt really ease me into the idea and im feeling a bit down about it today (he told me this afternoon)
sigh. i guess i secretly wanted us to be on the same page all the time. he would eventually fall in love and have kids, but we would have kids at the same tiem. another sigh.