- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
going to need to give a little backstory first. here’s the weird scenario:
Fiance and I met through my exboyfriend.
Ex is a genius. I do not mean this figuartively… he has the child prodigy paperwork (and insane neurocies…) to prove it. Ex and I dated for about a year (12 months from start to finish with a 2 month break in the middle) in high school about 5-6 years ago. Ex (and FI) is a year younger than me. I broke up with him the first time and then again when I started college (I was young selfish and mean to ever get back together with him, but this is not relevant at this point). He attended the same college the following year (not motivated by me). We had maintained something of a friendship via the internet since breaking up (motivated by his lingering feelings and my childish 18 year old love of attention). One night I had obtained a some alcohol from my 21 year old sister and threw a little party in my dorm room and invited Ex suggesting “bring a friend if you want” so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea. The friend he brought was an old boy scouts buddy who happened to live in the same hall as him… Fiance.
Flash forward 4 years to now. Ex has a very sweet long term girlfriend, Fiance and I have hung out with the two of them twice since we started dating… about a year and a half ago was the last time I saw Ex. I am a year older than Fiance as well so he is finishing undergrad in about two weeks. I have been graduated since April of last year and am working in our college town. about 7 or 8 months ago Ex stopped by a house party Fiance and his roommates were throwing and, according to Fiance (who at that point, never had a jealousy issue with ex at all), Ex made a lot of very pointed comments about how weird he thought it was that I was staying in town to be near Fiance instead of moving away and being independent.
About a month ago, Ex sent Fiance a facebook message suggesting a lunch date. They have known eachother since being little kids so in some context this wasn’t weird, but Fiance was uncomfortable with the idea because of their previous interaction so he ignored the message. Neither of us have heard from Ex since.
NOW, I am still a waiting bee, but this is mainly because we are waiting for Fiance to get an official job offer before signing on the dotted line anywhere. For all intents and purposes we are basically engaged with a date set for next summer in July and have been discussing our future wedding logistics with both our families for some time now.
My mother recently brought up the notion of whether or not we should invite Ex. My mother LOVED Ex (she’s pretty snobby and really valued the fact that Ex was a genius). My parents are funding the wedding and my mother is very controlling. She’s definitely calling most of the shots when it comes to the guest list, which I’ve been taking with a sigh and a headshake since I knew what I was signing up for by accepting their money. My mother is not saying we HAVE to invite Ex, but she thinks it would be the respectful thing to do, since Ex technically introduced Fiance and I. FI’s parents, too, feel that Ex should be invited as they have known him and his family forever and, since there isn’t technically any bad blood between anyone, they think it would be appropriate to invite him.
Personally, I am totally ambivalent about Ex being at the wedding. I really couldn’t care less if he was or wasn’t there. FI, however, is not having it. He was fairly offended by Ex’s previous comments and thinks since we haven’t seen him in a long time Ex should not be invited.
Ultimately, I plan on giving Fiance his way. I don’t care if Ex is there and it’s as much his wedding as mine. However, Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law are worried about offending Ex’s whole family by not inviting him, as Ex would certainly have been invited to FI’s wedding if it were to anyone but me.
What do you bees think? Should I try and help Fiance see his parents’ point? FI is pretty sensitive about it all right now and I feel as though anything I say will come off as insincere… if it were up to me I’d say forget about Ex and be done with it, but my parents are pressuring me to really consider FI’s parent’s points of view.
Nobody is trying to twist anyone’s arm, but I’m worried there will be animosity somehow. FMIL and I already have some tension in our history and I don’t want to be blamed as the reason she had to offend Ex’s family… What would you guys do?