(Closed) ex at the wedding…?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If your fiance feels uncomfortable with you inviting the ex, then I absolutely would respect his wishes above anyone else’s because he is the person you will be spending the rest of your life with.  I’m actually surprised that both yours and his parents feel so strongly about having your ex there.  It’s your and your fiance’s day and there is no reason to invite anyone that would cause either of you additional stress or anything but pure joy.

Post # 4
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Do you know if his parents are contributing financially? Either way I think I’d try and help him see his parents point, but especially if they are paying. 

Post # 5
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think your fiance might have been over reacting to ex’s comments though. 

Post # 6
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I, personally, think it is okay to invite an ex to a wedding. In fact, we will be inviting one of my exes. The difference is that I want to invite my ex and my fiance doesn’t mind in the slightest. In fact, he usually forgets which one of my college friends is the one I dated. 

In your situation, you don’t care and your fiance doesn’t want to invite the ex. So don’t. You just have to stand up to the parents and say “No, we’re not inviting him”. End of story. It would be different if you were still close to this guy and were really disappointed he wouldn’t be coming, but if you don’t care it’s not worth stressing out your fiance. 

Post # 7
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Has your Fiance talked to his parents about how he feels about it? If it is only coming from you they may feel it is just you not wanting an ex there, but maybe if Fiance brings up the fact hes uncomfortable with it they may see it from his point of view. 

Otherwise, I would try to talk to you Fiance to reassure him that the ex will only be one person among many, and perhaps he will decline the invite. You also have some time to clear the air. Maybe get together with you ex and Fiance, or have your Fiance and him get together.

Post # 9
1352 posts
Bumble bee

Um, on the flip side, why the hell would your ex want to be there?! Especially if he had (has) lingering feelings. Attending my wedding would be my exs’ worst nightmare, and I would never consider attending theirs. (now I know it’s different if you remain friends, but you obviously haven’t). I think it’s more respectful NOT to invite him.


I think the proper thing to happen would be to invite them (ex and the GF) and for them to respectfully decline. But in the off-chance that he would attend, I think your FI’s feelings are more important than your FILs’.

Post # 10
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@rawrrrrr:  Regardless of who is contributing financially, it is YOUR and FH’s wedding. I think if the GROOM is uncomfortable with someone being at HIS wedding, it shouldn’t matter if the financial backers want that person there or not. Your parents can have a dinner party at a later date and invite your ex as the guest of honor if they want. YOUR wedding is not the place to have an ex (regardless of “bad blood” being present or not) parading around.


Maybe that’s not the way it “should” be done, but that’s the way I would insist it be done.

Post # 11
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I also met my Fiance through my ex. They were roommates when my ex and I were dating, my ex and I stayed friends after we broke up, and about a year after we broke up Fiance and I got together. Now my ex is one of the groomsmen and we’re all happy campers.

I do think your Fiance is being a little over-sensitive to the comments. But that’s neither here nor there. Is there any rule that says he needs to be invited to the wedding? No. Is there any rule that says he shouldn’t be invited? No.

What I’d to is talk to your Fiance again about why he feels the way he does, and after a rational discussion about it, if he still feels uncomfortable then don’t invite him. Your parents don’t need a say in this.

Post # 13
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

My ex will be invited to our wedding, he’s in our social circle and the 4 of us (him, his gf, Fiance and I) hang out sometimes. I get along really well with his gf, and him as well, although really some of his behaviour is pretty disturbing at times. Like you, I also met Fiance through ex (well really ex’s older brother) and like you, this all happened over 5 years ago now- ancient history.

I think it’s fine to invite exes, provided your partner is ok with it. I know some people think it’s weird, but with how often I see my ex it would be weird if we didn’t invite him. However, it seems like you guys haven’t really kept in touch? If you haven’t then I don’t see the need to invite him. I’m not sure how big your wedding will be, but we’re really only inviting people we are in contact with on a regular (or in some family’s case, semi-regular) basis. I don’t want someone from 5 years ago who I haven’t kept in contact with to watch us get married. Anyway,
it all comes down to whether you and your Fiance want him there. If either of you is uncomfortable with it, then obviously it would be a bad idea to invite him, but if you’re both ok with it then sure! 🙂

Post # 14
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We invited exs to our wedding so I obviously don’t see anything wrong with inviting them.  But, if it will make your Fiance uncomfortable, then your ex shouldn’t be invited.

However, I do think your Fiance overreacted to those comments.  If you’ve always been independent or talked about moving away, then those comments don’t really seem out of place.  Maybe not an appropriate thing to say to your Fiance, but they aren’t anything worth ruining a friendship.

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