(Closed) Ex-boyfriend as a groomsman? Need advice!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Is it ok for my FI to ask my EX to be in the wedding?
    No, that's a bad idea, your ex should not be in the wedding : (58 votes)
    69 %
    Yes, it's not a big deal, you're overreacting : (17 votes)
    20 %
    Not sure, it's a tough situation : (9 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5547 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I think that this should be up to your husband but that if you have serious issues with it he should consider that in his decision. One thing I would bring up that a wedding is NOT the place to try and fix a friendship, as seen by many people on this board, the stress of a wedding can cause issues in a good friendship, so starting out rocky…. But I still say since it is HIS groomsmen, it is HIS choice.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2869 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I guess it depends on your relationship with your ex, but given that you started crying at the idea, it sounds like a NO.  if you’re not all legitimately friends now, I don’t think it’s appropriate, especially if it makes you uncomfortable.

    Post # 5
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Is there something else that this friend could do? Maybe he could be an usher?

    Post # 6
    Member
    310 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I agree with loving_lifethe fact that you started crying upon hearing this, I would say, NO, as I don’t want you to experience any form of negative flashbacks due to your ex’s close presence on your wedding day. Since you’re okay with him being invited to the wedding then I feel that’s the furthest you could go for them. But NOT in your wedding party. Personally, I feel your feelings takes a bigger priority, especially if they are negative.. Don’t forget, he will also appear in much of your photos if he’s the groomsman. Don’t think you would like that!

    Post # 7
    Member
    2607 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    First, if your reaction upon hearing this idea was to cry, I think you have your answer right there.

    Secondly, if the relationship is already suffering, if anything it could be made WORSE by him being in the wedding.  Take a look at all of the BM/GM drama posts on here.  Do you want to deal with that?  Also, if the relationship does sour to the point of ending, (either because of wedding drama or shortly thereafter), do you really want this man in your wedding pics forever?  Granted, ANY friendship die, but one that’s already got one foot in the grave is much more likely to.

    Third, you should only have people standing up with you who fully support BOTH of you.  If he treated you shabbily…I dunno.  I wouldn’t want a person who treated my Darling Husband shabbily as a FRIEND, let alone want them to stand up with me at our wedding.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2651 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Im gonna go with no…

    Post # 10
    Member
    726 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @mashaka:  I understand that your Fiance has some regrets/feelings about losing a close friendship with a friend, but really, it’s inevitable simply b/c your Fiance is marrying you. In the long term, I don’t see the friendship lasting too long and like someone else said, being in the bridal party could make it worse. If your Fiance knows how badly his friend treated you, then I’m sure at some point the friend learned how badly he treated you and he probably feels uncomfortable talking about it and possibly even talking about you, which is why the friendship is dwindling. And for you to have cried about it, I just don’t think it’s a good idea for this friend to be in the bridal party. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    If i were u, he can be invited in my wedding. while being Groomsman, no!

    Post # 12
    Member
    942 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    No. I would never have an ex in my wedding party. Because I’ve had sex with them all and it would be WEIRD !

    My Fi has very few male friends and we’re having one of his work mates I hardly know at our bridal table, which was a little weird but no big deal – I’m sure your Fiance can thing of someone (anyone) else he could have instead. Let the relationship with your ex go I say !

    Post # 13
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @mashaka:  I’m surprised your fiance wants him in your wedding–it’s PROBABLY because he has erased your relationship from his mind and only thinks of your ex as his friend. Even if he hadn’t treated you badly, you had a sexual relationship with him and it’s ok to feel uncomfortable to have your ex standing up there when you take your vows—I would say that it’s a push for him to be a guest but since you’re all on good terms it’s really your call

    Post # 14
    Member
    1736 posts
    Bumble bee

    Invite ex to wedding = ok, that’s fine.
    Invite ex to be groomsman = ok, you’re crazy.

    NO. How horribly awkward for all of you!

    Post # 15
    Member
    117 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    no, no, no

    Post # 16
    Member
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I truly believe it’s enough that this ex is invited to the wedding. I don’t think he should be standing up next to you on the day that you commit your life to your spouse. I just really don’t find it appropriate, considering the circumstances surrounding your relationship and the bad memories you have. 

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