- 2 years ago
Hi all. Long time lurker here and I could really use your advise. Sorry for the long read!
The ex-boyfriend of 3 years left me almost seven months ago, after a lot of doubts on his part and two prior breaks (initiated by him).
He’s a good man and we had a good life, but he’s also the person that has trouble making decisions and basically doubts the big aspects of his life (scared to make a wrong turn). So when the relationship would hit a rough patch, he’d enter a cycle of doubt and wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me, if we wanted the same things in life etc. But to be fair, I have made mistakes myself. At times I was closed off and wasn’t always emotionally available to him, especially after the first break (lost trust etc.). Also, (obviously) our communication wasn’t great.
After his doubt-cycle #3 or 4 and the sudden death of my best friend (heart attack), I just couldn’t deal with his doubts anymore and just kind of emotionally left the relationship I guess. It was just too much. He dumped me. I felt sick, but I was also just so tired from everything. It was time to think of myself and mourn the loss of my dear friend.
After a month of no contact, the ex called and asked if we could talk. He told me he still wanted to be alone to think/heal whatever, but wanted to see me every few weeks to see where we were in the break-up in order to stay connected in a way. I agreed, but told him I would stop if it made more sad.
We would see each other every few weeks, have dinner and talk. Sometimes I would spend the night, but we would not kiss or have any other physical intimacy. During this time he kept saying he loved me, but was still unsure and it was better for him to spend some time by himself etc.
And then I met someone else after a few months and started to develop feelings. We casually dated for a while and things got serious this past month and a half. I told the ex (whom I had not been seeing anymore) about it, because I felt like that was the mature thing to do. The ex told me that he had short fling with someone else for a few weeks, but ended it because he’s still in love with me. Now, a few weeks later, the ex is FREAKING OUT and is begging me to come back to him. He was crying and says he’s changed, that he felt like we were working on things, that he can’t believe that I’ve moved on, that I also had part in the break-up, that he knows what he wants now, that this was his wake up call and that he will never leave me again. I told him it was too late now and that he should leave me alone. He’s swearing that he was already planning to talk to me about getting back together before I broke the new guy-news to him, but I just don’t buy it. I have told the new guy about all of this this and I’m being 100% honest with him.
When I got home I cried my eyes out. I absolutely adore the new boyfriend, but I’m very sad because it’s hard to walk away from someone when there is all this history. In the last few months before the break up and the months after, I wanted my ex to say these things to me so bad, but he didn’t. And now, when I turn the tables and tell him I’ve moved on, he starts fighting for me. He’s a very good and kind man and I still care a lot for him, but the trust is gone and I’m in love with someone else now. He just took too long.
Am I making a terrible decision by sticking to my guns and staying with the new boyfriend? Thanks for reading girls.