Post # 1
One of my semi-good friends (we keep up with each other on facebook, she came to one of my bridal showers, gave a great gift) just recently got married to my ex-boyfriend from high school. He was my first and only boyfriend before my fiance (fiance and i have been together for 6 years). I have had no sort of friendship with him since our break up. Our relationship was not a big thing at all but first boyfriends are always a little tricky.
Anyway….My friend and the ex recently eloped (they had been dating several years). They are having a party in summer when the weather is nice and I will most likely be invited to that.
I of course will be inviting my friend to our wedding in June. I am in a complete dilemma–i have no idea how to invite my friend without inviting the ex. I personally don’t think he would come even if his name was on the invitation but I still don’t want to risk including his name on the invitation. Is it rude to only include her name (which will be his last name) on the invitation and not his? I would feel 100% uncomfortable if he showed up at my wedding. So would my fiance–he suggested i call my friend and explained how I feel. YEAH RIGHT!! We aren’t close enough for me to feel comfortable doing that and i also dont want to make the situation into a big deal (publicly anyway).
Post # 3
Part of being a grown up is being able to accept other peoples relationships. They are married. You either need to invite both of them or neither of them and since she was at your shower, you are obligated to invite her to the wedding. Your ex is a part of her now; not you. He is in the past.
Post # 4
Apart from the fact he’s your ex is there any ill feelings between you and him?
I know it can be uncomfortable having an ex at your wedding but if there’s no other specific reason why he shouldn’t be invited then I think you do need to invite him.
At the end of the day your friend and your ex are married and therefore a “package deal” and it would probably be upsetting to her if he wasn’t invited.
Just my $0.02!
EDIT – What Noritake said!
Post # 5
i’m just going to be honest and say that i probably wont be a grown up about this until im about 60….so until then what should i do?
Just to be clear… i am aware of the immaturity in this post. 😉
Post # 6
I agree with noritake – you should invite both. Obviously the feelings between you are settled and you have both moved on, so why create drama where there doesn’t need to be?
Post # 7
I would say in this case, where you have no issue with your friend being married to your ex-boyfriend, and he is supposedly happilly married and very unlikely to cause a scene, invite him. On that day, I believe the last thing that will be your mind is some guy at the back of the church that you dated way back in highschool.
Post # 8
This is almost exactly what I was going to say.
Post # 9
dang… yall are not giving me what i want 🙂
Thanks for the comments!!
Post # 10
@kp88: Don’t invite him. WHY would you want somethere there thats going to make you uncomfortable. You don’t have to be uncomfortable just to be “grown up”. I understand you feeling uncomfortable with this because well, an ex is an ex! It’s awkward and in my opinion, failed relationship’s don’t belong at a WEDDING unless your super close with them after. Invite your friend and if she doesn’t understand that it makes you feel uncomfortable having him there and she gets pissy about it, she’s not that great of a friend in my opinion.
Post # 11
Thats what I’m talkin about!! Thanks!!
Post # 13
@kp88: I am not saying this to be mean, but if you don’t invite him just because he is an ex, don’t be surprised if you don’t get invited to their party for the same reason. Your friendship with her might also be put at risk, if you don’t invite both of them. Something to think about….
Post # 14
@noritake22: I absolutely agree. (ETA: To both your posts.)
OP, FWIW, one of my exes (my high school sweetheart) was at my wedding. I don’t really keep in touch with him, but he married a friend of ours from high school that I do keep in touch with. I had a small wedding, and wouldn’t have even noticed he was there at all except I ran into him outside the bathroom before the ceremony started.
Post # 15
@noritake22: I don’t think she’s not inviting him because he’s an ex, she’s inviting him because she feels uncomfortable with him there. In her OP she said that she would be 100% uncomfortable with him there. IMO I just don’t think a wedding should involve people that make you uncomfortable. It’s just the last thing I would want at my wedding is to feel uncomfortable with guests I invited.
Post # 16
If you don’t want to invite your ex to your wedding. then You can’t invite your friend either. I would be incrediably insulted to be a wedding without (future) husband.
Its all or nothing in this case. Honestly, unless he abused you, then you have no legimiate reason to tell your friend she can’t bring her husband.
*Note* my most recent ex ended up going and out and moving in my one of my best friends, and so I knew I had to invite them as a couple. You don’t have to LOVE him being there, but life is complicated and its about being mature.