(Closed) Ex boyfriend/Invitation dilemma!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How should I invite my friend and not her new husband who is my ex boyfriend?
    include both names on invitation and hope he doesn't come : (120 votes)
    89 %
    include only friends name on invitation : (9 votes)
    7 %
    act like my mom didn' know they got married and only put friends first and maiden name on invitation : (4 votes)
    3 %
    be really immature and tell another friend to tell my friend her new husband cant come : (2 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    8353 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Part of being a grown up is being able to accept other peoples relationships. They are married. You either need to invite both of them or neither of them and since she was at your shower, you are obligated to invite her to the wedding. Your ex is a part of her now; not you. He is in the past.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1285 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Apart from the fact he’s your ex is there any ill feelings between you and him?

    I know it can be uncomfortable having an ex at your wedding but if there’s no other specific reason why he shouldn’t be invited then I think you do need to invite him.

    At the end of the day your friend and your ex are married and therefore a “package deal” and it would probably be upsetting to her if he wasn’t invited.

    Just my $0.02!

     

    EDIT – What Noritake said!

    Post # 6
    Member
    510 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I agree with noritake – you should invite both.  Obviously the feelings between you are settled and you have both moved on, so why create drama where there doesn’t need to be?

    Post # 7
    Member
    1398 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I would say in this case, where you have no issue with your friend being married to your ex-boyfriend, and he is supposedly happilly married and very unlikely to cause a scene, invite him. On that day, I believe the last thing that will be your mind is some guy at the back of the church that you dated way back in highschool.

    Post # 8
    Member
    284 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    @noritake22:

    This is almost exactly what I was going to say.

    Post # 10
    Member
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @kp88: Don’t invite him. WHY would you want somethere there thats going to make you uncomfortable. You don’t have to be uncomfortable just to be “grown up”. I understand you feeling uncomfortable with this because well, an ex is an ex! It’s awkward and in my opinion, failed relationship’s don’t belong at a WEDDING unless your super close with them after. Invite your friend and if she doesn’t understand that it makes you feel uncomfortable having him there and she gets pissy about it, she’s not that great of a friend in my opinion. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    8353 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Post # 13
    Member
    8353 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    @kp88: I am not saying this to be mean, but if you don’t invite him just because he is an ex, don’t be surprised if you don’t get invited to their party for the same reason. Your friendship with her might also be put at risk, if you don’t invite both of them. Something to think about….

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    4038 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @noritake22: I absolutely agree. (ETA: To both your posts.) 

    OP, FWIW, one of my exes (my high school sweetheart) was at my wedding. I don’t really keep in touch with him, but he married a friend of ours from high school that I do keep in touch with. I had a small wedding, and wouldn’t have even noticed he was there at all except I ran into him outside the bathroom before the ceremony started. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @noritake22: I don’t think she’s not inviting him because he’s an ex, she’s inviting him because she feels uncomfortable with him there. In her OP she said that she would be 100% uncomfortable with him there. IMO I just don’t think a wedding should involve people that make you uncomfortable. It’s just the last thing I would want at my wedding is to feel uncomfortable with guests I invited. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If you don’t want to invite your ex to your wedding. then You can’t invite your friend either. I would be incrediably insulted to be a wedding without (future) husband. 

    Its all or nothing in this case. Honestly, unless he abused you, then you have no legimiate reason to tell your friend she can’t bring her husband.

    *Note* my most recent ex ended up going and out and moving in my one of my best friends, and so I knew I had to invite them as a couple. You don’t have to LOVE him being there, but life is complicated and its about being mature. 

    The topic ‘Ex boyfriend/Invitation dilemma!’ is closed to new replies.

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