Ex crush in touch after marriage

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5409 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I texted him that I wanted to speak to him one last time just for the sake of our friendship but he didn’t reply again.

What friendship? You haven’t spoken in 9 years until this strange family meetup! I can’t even comprehend why either of you set up this weird double date considering you don’t have a friendship anymore. 

Delete this guy from your facebook and stop stalking him every few days, do not text him, do not meet up.  If things aren’t working with your husband then look into a divorce but do not attempt to jump into a relationship with this guy, it will not end well.  You barely even know him, you chatted for about a year more than a decade ago and you have been married to your husband for 8 years.  What makes you think running off with this guy would be remotely successful? 

Post # 3
Member
5455 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think this is a case of the grass is always greener on the other side. You are disatissfied in your marriage so you are clinging to a relationship that you have idealized, you have rosy glasses for how the relationship played out nine years ago.

Find out what’s missing in your marriage and see if it can be resolved. You say you’re happy, so find out what changes need to be made, then you will stop looking outside of your marriage for the satisfaction that you are looking for

Post # 4
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

This was a very small snapshot in time. You have had so much time to build this up in your mind. The thing to remember is that it isn’t real – it isn’t past any infatuation stage at all and that is not a good foundation for building anything. You need to cold turkey him and he’ll work his way out of your system. Don’t feed fantasies. It may take a long time to completely shake, but you’ll get there.

You’re married. He is too. That’s an answer. If you’re having issues with your marriage, I’d try to work on those with your husband first. Until you’re divorced and this guy is too, he needs to be out of the equation as getting a divorce because of someone else who is currently married, even if they promise to get one too, is a really really bad idea. 

In the meantime, you made out with another guy and are having pretty inappropriate conversations with him…decide how to deal with that in terms of your husband. If he finds out on his own, that would not be good.

Post # 5
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

I know this probably feels thrilling and exciting, but you’re really playing with fire here. So many people stand to get seriously hurt if you keep up the relationship with this man. It’s not just the two of you, it’s both your partners and kids. Try to think how you’d feel if your husband made out with his ex. Even if things aren’t great between you, I’m willing to bet it would still hurt.

If you’re unhappy with your husband, then there are steps to take – couples therapy, for example, or even ending the relationship, but if you stay involved with this other man it’s going to be a horrendous, painful mess.

Don’t text, don’t call, block him on social media. Focus on your current relationship, and decide how you want to go forward (or not) with that first, before considering a new partner.

Post # 6
Member
11974 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

This seems more like an escape fantasy more than it is based on anything real. You say you are happy in your marriage, but really your husband does not seem to respect you or treat you well at all. 

Focus on and deal with your own issues. Seek marriage counseling and put your husband on notice that things are going to have to change. Insist on moving out of your in laws place or put yourself in a position to be independent and self sufficient. 

If nothing changes, look into legal counsel and think about starting a new life, but not because of some fantasy guy from years ago, who thinks you should have waited for him while he dated someone else, and whom you almost slept with. The truth is, you don’t really know him at all. 

Post # 7
Member
6540 posts
Bee Keeper

What do you do? You block him. You are married and have a child. He’s married and lives in another country. 

Work on your marriage. Don’t engage in self-sabotage. 

Post # 8
Member
828 posts
Busy bee

It was so unnecessary to speak with him and ridiculous to meet up with him. It is clear your only intention in doing so was to explore something romantic. Why? If you’re unhappy in your marriage, address that. But, don’t have a secret relationship/feelings for someone who you, truthfully, don’t even know. So, you had a crush. Those can be powerful, yes, but that’s all it was. It didn’t work out or go further than this and it’s not going to now. I think you need to be honest with yourself and your husband in this situation and deal with the repercussions that may follow.

Post # 9
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2019 - City, State

You should stop talking to this guy immediately. You are on the verge of an affair with your husband (although I would call it cheating) and he doesn’t deserve that. Neither does that guy’s wife. Block him and never speak with him again. 

Post # 10
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee

lovemybaby :  So, he pursues a married woman after introducing his Girlfriend to her. And tries to initiate sex with her, and is certainly physical with her and crosses lines. And you violate your marriage vows. And you were “kind of” in a relationship with your Darling Husband years ago when the two of you toyed around with each other last time.  Frankly, it sounds like the only reasons you are drawn to each other is the forbidden and toxic relationship you have together. You are both cheaters at this point. I have no thoughts other than that you should consider that perhaps he brings out the very worst in you, that a man who isn’t loyal to his current Girlfriend is’t goig to ever be loyal to you or become a good partner,  and that your comment about “this is a difffert issue” when it comes to your problems with your Darling Husband is probably far more related to this 10 year crush than you think. Unhappy people tend to have escapist fantasies of alternate lives.

Post # 11
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee

This whole thing sounds exhausting.

Block him and work on your marriage ifi it’s salvageable. If not, look into divorce and then just be alone for awhile and work on yourself.

You’re romanticizing a situation and you’re not seeing reality. You have a child to think about. 

Post # 12
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee

It’s perfectly understandable why you still have feelings from this past relationship. It ended suddenly, and you’re looking back at an easier time. Still, that ship has sailed. You’re both different people now, at completely different stages in your lives.

It also sounds like he’s taking advantage of you with his comments about “you should have waited for me,” “I was confused,” etc. Those lines are excuses from men, and he’s just dangling them in front of you. If he really had feelings for you all these years, he would have stayed in touch and not let his family bully him into marrying someone else.

If your marriage is good like you say, don’t let this guy ruin it. No more stalking him on social media, no more texting. Focus on the life you’ve chosen, not the one you didn’t.

Post # 13
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

You knew damn well what was going to happen when he invited you to his apartment. You cheated on your husband and he cheated on his wife. Now imagine if this was your husband and he did this to you wow!!! He would be getting a world of shit right now on the post. You did it because you wanted to and I cant bet he if would have stayed in town a little bit longer you would have had sex. You should feel sad but because you don’t know if your ever going to get over him, but what you did to your husband. You put yourself in this position and you clearly knew it was going to happen and you wanted it to. That’s how I feel about it. And I can’t believe your getting off so easy on this post because if you were a man you would get alot of shit for this!!!!!

Post # 15
Member
1505 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Honestly I’m going to be contrary. What you did is wrong, and this guy sounds like trouble, but I don’t see any indication from your posts that you are actually happy in your marriage. Talking to your husband is a good idea, and before you look at anyone outside your marriage, you need to examine yours. Whatever that may mean. 

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