(Closed) Ex FI getting released today…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Hi Bee! I followed your last thread and am proud of you for being strong and doing what you know is best in the long run!

Not the same situation, but I felt similarly after my marriage fell apart. What helped me the most was individual counseling to turn my world right-side-UP again. I was so emotionally messed up after my marriage and over 10 years of being invalidated and told that I wasn’t good enough, etc. This helped me feel more confident in my own decisions, feelings, and choices. I focused all of my energy on my daughter, work, counseling, gym time and forming new friendships with ladies that supported me and built me up. That year or so of single life before meeting my Fiance was amazing and I recommend single time to focus on you and discovering who you truly are. Good luck, bee!

Post # 3
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

I have no advice for getting over heartbreak but I wanted to encourage you and say I am amazed at how strong you have been.  I don’t post often but I was keeping up with your old thread.  You have been through such an hard situation yet you did the right thing.  I’m sorry your heart is breaking.

Post # 4
Member
452 posts
Helper bee

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beachykeenbee :  I also followed your previous thread. I don’t have any advice, but just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you. Stay strong!

Post # 5
Member
3436 posts
Sugar bee

 I haven’t been through a break up like yours, but I always did a clean break.  Made it a lot easier to recover. Best of luck to you, I read your other thread – you are doing the right thing!

Post # 6
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee

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beachykeenbee :  

I have no real advice for getting over a heartbreak. Everybody deals with it different. For some people they deal with it in different ways than others, but how A deals with heartbreak and B might be different. The only advice I can offer bee is that this time in you’re life it feels like things are never going to get better but it really does. For me it was like I was living under water for so long and then one day I just wasn’t. I was able to think clearly again and not feel like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

My advice is to just keep swimming. Life is a beautiful thing and as much as it hurts remember everything in life happens for a reason; although we don’t see the reason always at first.

Best of luck. Sending love.

Post # 7
Member
6978 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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beachykeenbee :  I just wanted to chime in and say best of luck to you! You know you’re doing the right thing, no matter how difficult it feels right now. I really don’t think there’s any sort of “trick” to get over heartbreak like this. The only real cure is time. I’m glad you’re talking to a therapist about everything because this is a lot to deal with. Virtual hugs!!!

Post # 8
Member
10541 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m so sorry you are going through such a rough time! Heartbreak is always hard but dealing with this pain will be better than dealing with a lifetime of pain had you stayed with him. Just focus on taking care of yourself. Make sure you are safe, of course but also take care of yourself mentally and emotionally. Schedule some time to relax and pamper yourself or maybe call up some friends for a girls night.

Post # 9
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

I haven’t read your previous topic, so I just know what you shared on this one. I’ve been there… surviving a break-up is challenging, to say the least… My former relationship lasted 11 years and I had to end it. Here are some steps that helped me:

1. I would look at myself in the mirror everyday and say “I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be happy. I deserve respect. I’ll cherish myself today”

2. I cut all ties to him. No contact.

3. He tried to win me back, and my guilty self almost caved in, but this string of thoughts saved me: “love yourself first. Do what makes you happy. You don’t owe him anything. You can’t help him. You can only help yourself. He deserves to find someone who loves him. You deserve to find someone who loves you and makes you feel treasured. Your cycle together is over”.

My heart goes out to you. Be strong. Love yourself.

Post # 10
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

To a certain extent, time does heal all wounds. Each day it will get a bit better. You have to give yourself time and keep busy. Spend time with family and friends. Try new things and go to new places. If you keep yourself busy, it will feel like time is passing faster. There were times where I could not breath, I was so heartbroken. I look back and it is like a bad dream, it is so far away now! You can and will get through this. You can look into support groups in your local area, specifically for the emotional abuse. Best of luck to you, bee!

Post # 11
Member
1350 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

Stay strong! I was in a very similar situation to you. My ex-FI was extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive, but I didn’t see it, nor did any of my friends tell me what they were seeing until after we broke up…Anyway, we finally broke up when he cheated on me (although he tried to blame cheating on his depression too). I struggled to get through the next few months until I started talking to a friend and really opening up. I dated a couple of guys, and then I reconnected with my now-FI, who is AMAZING. Have you tried talking about your feelings to friends or a therapist?

Post # 14
Member
6978 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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beachykeenbee :  I think it’s very telling that both his friends and family are concerned for your safety and were not at all surprised by his behavior. That tells you what you need to know. He is controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive, regardless of his depression. Just keep that in mind if somehow he manages to contact you and try to sweet talk his way back into your life. 

Post # 15
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
beachykeenbee :  

My therapist had me do something that helped me to stay strong during my divorce.  She had me make a list of every mean thing my ex h ever said or did to me.

When I got to #51 in a matter of a few minutes, I stopped being wobbly.

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