Post # 1
It’s me again! I deleted my last thread but I’m back with somewhat of an update. My unstable ex Fiance (ended things this last weekend) has been in the mental hospital for about 10 nights now this time around. He was originally supposed to get released Wednesday but for whatever reason.. they haven’t let him out yet. His sister has been giving me updates about when he’s planning on being released because I am going to make sure not to be at my residence for at least a couple of days once he gets out. This has been the worst week of my life.. seriously. It has taken everything in me not to pick up the phone and call him sobbing. I know the instant gratification of talking to him will not outweigh the benefits of staying strong and sticking to my guns. For those of you who didn’t read my last thread.. he was using a lot of manipulation tactics and emotional abuse to control me throughout the relationship and was blaming it on his depression.
He hasn’t contacted me since I broke up with him and he called 6 times directly after and left 3 VMs. I’m assuming he has come to accept that we are not together anymore. I know that he has called a couple of his friends letting them know that I dumped him (his exact words). I’m still very anxious about how he will act once he gets out.. if he will contact me/show up at my place/etc. I do have a safety plan and even talked to my new therapist about the situation.
Does anyone have any good advice for getting over a heartbreak? I feel like I ripped my own heart out and threw it in a blender. I’m trying so hard to hold it together but I feel like I am one bad day away from a Britney 2007 meltdown.
Post # 2
Hi Bee! I followed your last thread and am proud of you for being strong and doing what you know is best in the long run!
Not the same situation, but I felt similarly after my marriage fell apart. What helped me the most was individual counseling to turn my world right-side-UP again. I was so emotionally messed up after my marriage and over 10 years of being invalidated and told that I wasn’t good enough, etc. This helped me feel more confident in my own decisions, feelings, and choices. I focused all of my energy on my daughter, work, counseling, gym time and forming new friendships with ladies that supported me and built me up. That year or so of single life before meeting my Fiance was amazing and I recommend single time to focus on you and discovering who you truly are. Good luck, bee!
Post # 3
I have no advice for getting over heartbreak but I wanted to encourage you and say I am amazed at how strong you have been. I don’t post often but I was keeping up with your old thread. You have been through such an hard situation yet you did the right thing. I’m sorry your heart is breaking.
Post # 4
I also followed your previous thread. I don’t have any advice, but just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you. Stay strong!
Post # 5
I haven’t been through a break up like yours, but I always did a clean break. Made it a lot easier to recover. Best of luck to you, I read your other thread – you are doing the right thing!
Post # 6
I have no real advice for getting over a heartbreak. Everybody deals with it different. For some people they deal with it in different ways than others, but how A deals with heartbreak and B might be different. The only advice I can offer bee is that this time in you’re life it feels like things are never going to get better but it really does. For me it was like I was living under water for so long and then one day I just wasn’t. I was able to think clearly again and not feel like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.
My advice is to just keep swimming. Life is a beautiful thing and as much as it hurts remember everything in life happens for a reason; although we don’t see the reason always at first.
Best of luck. Sending love.
Post # 7
I just wanted to chime in and say best of luck to you! You know you’re doing the right thing, no matter how difficult it feels right now. I really don’t think there’s any sort of “trick” to get over heartbreak like this. The only real cure is time. I’m glad you’re talking to a therapist about everything because this is a lot to deal with. Virtual hugs!!!
Post # 8
I’m so sorry you are going through such a rough time! Heartbreak is always hard but dealing with this pain will be better than dealing with a lifetime of pain had you stayed with him. Just focus on taking care of yourself. Make sure you are safe, of course but also take care of yourself mentally and emotionally. Schedule some time to relax and pamper yourself or maybe call up some friends for a girls night.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA
I haven’t read your previous topic, so I just know what you shared on this one. I’ve been there… surviving a break-up is challenging, to say the least… My former relationship lasted 11 years and I had to end it. Here are some steps that helped me:
1. I would look at myself in the mirror everyday and say “I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be happy. I deserve respect. I’ll cherish myself today”
2. I cut all ties to him. No contact.
3. He tried to win me back, and my guilty self almost caved in, but this string of thoughts saved me: “love yourself first. Do what makes you happy. You don’t owe him anything. You can’t help him. You can only help yourself. He deserves to find someone who loves him. You deserve to find someone who loves you and makes you feel treasured. Your cycle together is over”.
My heart goes out to you. Be strong. Love yourself.
Post # 10
To a certain extent, time does heal all wounds. Each day it will get a bit better. You have to give yourself time and keep busy. Spend time with family and friends. Try new things and go to new places. If you keep yourself busy, it will feel like time is passing faster. There were times where I could not breath, I was so heartbroken. I look back and it is like a bad dream, it is so far away now! You can and will get through this. You can look into support groups in your local area, specifically for the emotional abuse. Best of luck to you, bee!
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek
Stay strong! I was in a very similar situation to you. My ex-FI was extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive, but I didn’t see it, nor did any of my friends tell me what they were seeing until after we broke up…Anyway, we finally broke up when he cheated on me (although he tried to blame cheating on his depression too). I struggled to get through the next few months until I started talking to a friend and really opening up. I dated a couple of guys, and then I reconnected with my now-FI, who is AMAZING. Have you tried talking about your feelings to friends or a therapist?
Post # 12
Thanks bees for all of the love and support. I’m amazed I had others reading my thread and that you guys remember!
UGH- I typed out a response but it didn’t go through. Anyways, I am just praying that I have the strength to take care of myself. When he gets out, he might try to make a play for me to win me back and I need so desparately to see through his BS. Either that, or he will be a complete a–hole. I guess we will find out later today when he gets his phone and car back.
Some of our mutual friends (his friends first) have reached out to me to see how I’m doing and to let me know that they completely understand why I did what I did. I guess it’s nice to know that people aren’t believing whatever story he is spinning to save face.
His mom has already started running her mouth around the church about the fact that I “packed up all of his stuff and left it in a storage unit”. She’s a real gem.
I’m getting drinks with a girlfriend after work so hopefully that can distract me a little since I’ll be anxiously wanting to check my phone every minute. I can’t drink too much because tequila + break up emotions = recipe for disaster and bad choices.
Post # 13
I’m so sorry you went through that but it sounds like everything worked out for the best! Did you feel that you were broken after all of that? I’m already concerned about the emotional baggage i will be carrying into my next relationship down the road, haha. I can’t imagine I’ll be able to have a healthy relationship for quite some time until I work through this with therapy.
I have started therapy and have some friends I’m confiding in about this as well. It’s been tough because they don’t really understand why I’m struggling with my feelings for him still.. it’s like I know he was no good for me but I still love him very much.
Post # 14
I think it’s very telling that both his friends and family are concerned for your safety and were not at all surprised by his behavior. That tells you what you need to know. He is controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive, regardless of his depression. Just keep that in mind if somehow he manages to contact you and try to sweet talk his way back into your life.
Post # 15
My therapist had me do something that helped me to stay strong during my divorce. She had me make a list of every mean thing my ex h ever said or did to me.
When I got to #51 in a matter of a few minutes, I stopped being wobbly.