(Closed) Ex FI getting released today…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

When my 22 year marriage imploded my oldest and dearest friends took me hiking, baked cookies with me even though I couldn’t use a measuring cup because I was such a mess, signed me up for scuba lessons, took me out and let me be the third wheel for New Years. 

I owe them.

Post # 20
Member
4316 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I read your old thread and I am proud of you for making the really brave and difficult decision to leave him. Trust me, it doesn’t seem like it now, but it’s truly one of the best decisions you will EVER make. 

Advice to get over a breakup…. STAY BUSY. Seriously just stay super busy, pack your schedule, don’t have any idle time… Idle time is a breeding ground of disaster. Spend time with friends, reconnect with any friends you haven’t seen in awhile, make new friends! Plan a couple weekend get aways with a family member or friend that can travel. Take a class, find a new hobby, join a gym, etc. get a haircut or dye your hair for a fun change in your life. Go shopping and treat yo-self. Go on a few casual dates when you’re ready……

I found that the more shit I did and the more I kept busy the more I forget how said I am or the more I don’t even have time to allow myself to be sad. Don’t wallow and do your best to move on…

And just understand that you will have good days and some not so good days, it’s a process, there’s ebbs and flows, but everything will be fine, you will be even better without him. Good luck to you Bee.

Post # 21
Member
4316 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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beachykeenbee :  and to answer your question with your most recent update. I would venture a guess that he’s got a lot of shit going on and clearly he is super unhinged and having trouble coping…. But you know what? Fuck it. It’s not your problem anymore, thank god! I like that’s she’s updating you but it’s his fucking problem now to handle and deal with. Gone are the times of him manipulating you. He needs to get better on his own now. 

Post # 22
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

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beachykeenbee :  Sending you good vibes. When in doubt remember – he did not care about your hapiness or wellbeing and was willing to compromise that for his own. In no healthy relationship should one partner say “My happiness is worth making you unhappy, and it is okay to make you unhealthy as a way to make me healthy”

Post # 23
Member
6968 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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beachykeenbee :  Repeat after me: Not my problem!

I get that it’s hard, but you need to focus on yourself right now and not worry about your ex. You can’t blame yourself for any of this. It’s not your fault. 

Post # 24
Member
9399 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

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beachykeenbee :  I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re right (re: the breakup being related to his extended stay–maybe he acted out and they decided to keep him under observation, maybe like you said it brought out some deeper stuff, who knows.. but whatever the reason something has made them double thing releasing him as scheduled.) I’d consider this a good thing–hopefully it means that he’s getting some much-needed help. At the very least, it keeps him from doing something directed at you while he hopefully cools off.

Good luck bee–you definitely made the right choice.  The heartbreak will ease with time.

Post # 25
Member
2859 posts
Sugar bee

Staying busy is a good antidote to heartbreak.  Learn yoga, take up running, get a bike–physical exercise will help you feel better.  But PLEASE be on alert –and keep yoursefl in safe situations when he gets out. No calls, no meetings, no FB, nuthin.  Scope out places like parking lots and/or malls.  You can”t heal/help him  You have to take care of you.

Post # 26
Member
9081 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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beachykeenbee :  Is all of his stuff out of your dad’s house? And is this breakup for good? If so (and I hope so!) I recommend asking his sister to stop updating you. He is in a safe place. Why do you need updates on his condition? It seems like that will only serve to upset you and keep you tethered to him in an unhealthy way. You were together less than 2 years. I know you still love him and care about him but if you’ve decided to move on with your life, that’s what you should do. Make a clean break, move on, and leave him behind. If he still has stuff at your dad’s, then I see why you need to know when he’s getting out. Best wishes. Just remember, you didn’t cause his problems and you can’t fix his problems. 

Post # 27
Member
755 posts
Busy bee

My advice? 

Keep busy. Keep active. Keep seeing friends who understand why you broke up with him. Keep rereading your original thread. 

Tell yourself everyday that you are free from his manipulating tyrannical behaviour. 

Remind yourself of all the things you can now do without fear of upsetting him or setting off an incident- going to dinner with friends, being able to unwind after work without spending hours listening to him, being able to go for a weekend away without being made to feel guilty, being able to be in a car with someone without being afraid they’re going to get mad and drive like a crazy person… Etc etc

 

You’ve been so strong. I know you can do this. 

 

Post # 28
Member
755 posts
Busy bee

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beachykeenbee :  maybe you ending the engagement did bring out issues to be addressed but they are still his issues not yours. 

You don’t owe him anything and you’re not responsible for him.

If anything, a 12 night stay goes to show how very unfair it was for him to expect you to fix his issues without support

Post # 29
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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beachykeenbee :  If you didn’t care at all, I would be concerned. You were engaged, at some point you were in love and happy, and all that doesn’t go away over night. It will take time. Time is really the only advice I have. When I broke up with a long term ex, I was devastated, and didn’t know how my life was every going to turn around. I look back now, and all I feel is gratitude for that break up, because I have such a happy life now. It gets better. It has to hurt first, but it gets better. If it doesn’t hurt, then what was the point? 

I do have to commend you on how strong you have been. You made up your mind, and you followed through. You put yourself first. Anyone who can do that is going to be okay. 

Post # 30
Member
397 posts
Helper bee

Keep in mind that if the doctors are keeping him there, it’s for good reasons.  He’s in the best and safest place he could be right now. 

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