(Closed) Ex FI getting released today…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
6945 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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beachykeenbee :  Bee he is in SUPER denial right now. Are you in a safe place? I’d make sure, if you’re back at home, that you’re never there alone. You live with your dad right? 

Post # 62
Member
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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beachykeenbee :  Is there somewhere you can stay for the next few weeks or so?

Post # 64
Member
6945 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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beachykeenbee :  I don’t think you should block his number just for those reasons. You need to protect yourself and keeping those texts could help with that. Hopefully after a period of time of you never responding to him he’ll figure out that you were serious and leave you alone. I know it’s scary and this must be super difficult for you right now, but you’re doing the right thing. 

Post # 65
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Beach

I don’t have any advice but I came across this a while ago and thought it might help.

Post # 67
Member
11278 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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beachykeenbee :  

Bee,

I don’t want to scare you unnecessarily, but he’s moving quickly into stalker territory.  Please, take some time and go down to your local police or sheriff’s department.  Tell them exactly what’s going on and find out how you should handle it.  You may at least get extra patrols.

Find out about the pros and cons of restraining orders.  Keep a bag packed and be ready to run at a moment’s notice.

Your local women’s shelter or DV facility can also advise you.

This well past the point of annoying.

Also, contact whomever is in charge of his treatment at the hospital and let them know he’s scaring the daylights out of you.  This guy has done something like this before–he knows how to dance on the edge of being menacing.  He won’t overtly threaten you with harm in any way that could be proven.  So he does the creepy love stuff so when he’s called on it, he can claim innocence.  After all, he can’t help it if he still loves you, right?

**This guy knows exactly what he’s doing.**

Bee, you can’t handle him alone anymore.  You have got to get other people involved.  He is not going to let you cut of his N supply without a fight.  And he has suffered a Narcissistic wound.  He is enraged.

Post # 68
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

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beachykeenbee :  Seconding the recommendation to get a report started with police and call your local women’s shelter. If you feel like you shouldn’t stay at home, Google “your city name + crisis hotline” and tell them you need an emergency, temporary bed in a women’s shelter.

I’d also recommend telling your coworkers/boss or classmates that you had to end your relationship with an unstable person, what he looks like, that he is not to be let near you, and why. You don’t have to go into further detail, really. It’s great that your dad and his sister are looking out for you, but it can only help to widen your circle of protectors. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed, personality disorders and mental illness are just another part of human nature. 

This is a scary time for you, but trust that this too will pass. You can change jobs, change cities, countries even!, and someday new love will come into your life. Hold your head high and remember all the things that make you a good and loveable person. 

Post # 69
Member
626 posts
Busy bee

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sassy411 :  Great advice. I agree, OP, talk to the police now, tell them what’s going on, and request extra patrols. It is helpful for them to be aware of the situation. You should also reach out to his treatment center. With their knowledge of his mental state and your fears, they may be in a position to act to ensure your safety.

I would also try not to be alone for the next couple of weeks. Make sure somebody knows when you’re coming home (like your dad) and is there with the light on waiting for you. It might feel like paranoia, but I think it’s worth it. You don’t want to be caught off guard by the ex.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, but honestly, you are handling it like a champion. I’ve been following your threads and I am so impressed by your strength and resilience. You deserve only the best and you will get through this.

Post # 70
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee

Block his number. If you EVER start talking to him again – even if it’s for “closure,” to help him transition, to explain/reiterate that you’re broken up and not getting back together – he will 1000% take that as a sign that there is still hope and he can start trying to win you back again.

 

I know it’s hard, bee, but stay strong. Quit cold turkey. There’s no going back. Block his number, block his email address, get some resources about a restraining order (just in case.) Let it be done.

Post # 71
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

My best advice for getting over anything is to pick up a serious exercise habit for a few months. It’ll help with any anxiety, force you to focus on something else, occupy your time, and keep you away from home. 

Sounds like you’re more than strong enough to get through just about anything. Keep going. 

Post # 73
Member
3436 posts
Sugar bee

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beachykeenbee :  IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE. He is not your problem. He was a huge dick to you. 

Post # 74
Member
11278 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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beachykeenbee :  

This is a scam.  The second you don’t give him what he wants, he will explode.

Did you do any reading about narcissists?

Post # 75
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee

Bee, I don’t have much advice,but want to send you massive hugs and ket you know I’m thinking about you all the way from New Zealand. 

I’m wondering if it would be a good idea to give back the ring sooner than than later? Has his sister picked up the toiletries? Maybe she can take the ring too? My reasoning is that it would send a message to him that you mean it, and that if he does start to move on then you send the ring, it might be a trigger for him to start trying to get you back again? If any bees disagree please comment – I don’t actually know what I’m talking about, just thinking out loud! 

There is a lot of good advice in this thread, take care of yourself and trust your instincts. 

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