Post # 121
OP – I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But it definitely seems as though he’s ramping things up.
First, can you give your phone to your mom or dad to monitor and document so that it is not interrupting your daily life like this? I think that’s probably a big part of the mental impact that this is making. Have them document and if they see something urgently concerning, to let you know, but otherwise, just document.
Second, he is in the National Guard but was inpatient for psychiatric treatment? I’m fairly positive that needs to be disclosed to his unit. I don’t know how the NG works, but my ex was in the Marine Corps and mental health issues were a big deal that the unit needed to be aware of.
And finally, I think it’s really wise for you to get away for a while. Take care of yourself, and perhaps seek the advise of a women’s shelter. They’re going to have the great resources for how to stay safe in this situation.
Post # 122
Take out a restraining order, then block his number from your phone, and move on with your life. If he shows up randomly one night, keep the doors locked, and call the police. These are simple steps. Emotionally hard maybe, but simple. Do them. Now.
Post # 123
You’re exactly right–he worked the system to get himself released. He’s a manipulator, it’s what they do.
Sweetie, you’re starting to spin out. Take a concrete step in the right direction–get in the car and go down to the police station. Talk to them. When you’re done with that, head on out to your local DV facility to see what resources they have available.
I know of one that provides assistance in filing for a restraining order and will even send an advocate to court with you.
You probably feel like you’re living someone else’s life right now. But, it’s time to take some positive, proactive steps.
Go talk to the police and the DV counselors. Then let us know what happens.
Post # 124
It would work fine if he were normal. But this guy would interpret her pointing a loaded shotgun at him as being *passionate*.
Post # 125
Hey again. I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad 🙁 This is truly a shitty situation, but you continue to handle it with strength.
I sent you a DM about some other options, including calling a national domestic violence hotline for advice, or calling your local police’s non-emergency number to consult with them.
Post # 126
OP, I’m really sorry that it has turned out this way for you. But I think you’re doing so well given the situation.
Speaking as someone whose mother has been in and out of the mental health system for 10+ years – it is completely possible for you to call the hospital to let them know this is what’s going on. They will not be able to talk to you about his treatment (or even confirm that he is receiving treatment), but they will listen. Over the years, my mum has revoked my rights to speak with her doctors numerous times. Even so, I still called them to let them know what she was doing/saying that concerned me – they were just unable to tell me anything in return.
I also think you need to contact the police. Even if they won’t let you file a report at this stage, they will be able to give you some advice on how to protect yourself or what needs to happen in order for you to file a report. Definitely tell them that he has recently been released from psychiatric care and that he has previously threatened to harm himself if you left him. Show them the constant text messages so that they can see how often he’s getting in touch.
I also think that getting out of town for a few days is beneficial if you’re able to arrange it. You need to think about your own mental health, you need to get some sleep and you need to take some time for yourself. Good luck, OP!
Post # 127
did you manage to get to the police? I hope they were able to advise you.
We’re all here for you
Post # 128
I didn’t go to the police yesterday. I talked to my dad and he said at this point there’s really nothing they can do unless he’s threatening me or showing up at our place- which is basically what they told me over the phone anyways.
I’m not doing too great today. I ended up texting him last night letting him know that I had broken up with him and that I was traumatized by his actions. It was a pretty brief conversation. He seemed very remorseful and told me he was going to work on himself. I didn’t say anything eluding to the fact that we could work things out.
I know I’ll probably get a lot of flack for doing what I did last night- I just hit a low point. Thank you guys for all of your help.. I feel like I’m letting everyone down and I’m sorry.
I started doing more reseach on emotional abuse and behavior. A lot of people are saying this is a personality flaw.. not something to be fixed. I feel like I’m acting like the cliche victim at the moment. I was doing so good.
Post # 129
Of course he seemed remorseful. He’s still trying to reel you back in. Do you at least now have it in writing that you told him to stop contacting you?
Yes, this is a setback, but don’t let that get you down. This stuff happens. Time to move forward. Time to reclaim your life.
Post # 130
Don’t get down on yourself for responding. You did good by reiterating that it’s over, and letting him know he hurt you. This may even get him to stop texting, which will help you greatly. It’s gonna take awhile, but so long as you remain firm in any interaction you have with him or his friends, it’ll pass and you can move on.
Post # 131
So one thing you can do now is emphasize self care. Like someone else said, don’t get down on yourself. You have to be on your own side here, and you’re a human, not a robot. You are doing a good job and we are rooting for you.
If you haven’t done this yet, I do urge you to file a report with his doctors at the mental institution so that they can act if they have reason to believe he will pose any danger to himself or others.
sending you a big hug, bee.
Post # 132
Best book ever: it’s called a breakup because it’s broken.
I got it as audio book after a 6 yr relationship ended and it really helped. Check your library! It’s also available on amazon.
Post # 133
it doesn’t matter if they (police) can do anything now. The point is to start a paper trail so they can arrest him if he gets worse. So if he shows up at your place its not the first they are hearing of it.
Just had to get that out to you. Even if he never bothers you again, if you just let the police department know it’s fine. The information just sits there. It’s there in case he continues to bother you.
Hugs! You can do this!
Post # 134
Get a new number, cut off contact. You aren’t doing yourself any favors by seeing all his texts come through. Seriously, I’d give the number of your parents with strict instructions not to give it out – especially your sister because clearly she and Brother-In-Law can’t be trusted.
Post # 135
Bee, please don’t beat yourself up for texting him. What you’re going through is HARD. Everything you’re feeling is normal in this situation, unfortunately. I’m another who followed your last thread and have been thinking of you. Praying.
His actions are textbook, and so are those of your sister/BIL and his mom… when my ex was harassing me like that, texting me every few minutes even though I DID text him and tell him to stop, he continued. I was scared he’d try to come find me. People I told said he just missed me… it’s so hard to understand unless you’ve been through it yourself. I think it is good that you told him it’s over, agian, in writing, for sure. He might escalate now but at least you made it as clear as possible for him.
Keep strong. Make a list of the bad things. He WILL sound very believable and remorseful. You WILL doubt yourself and wonder if it’s that bad, if he’s changed now… but he HASN’T. By the very act of him texting you these things he’s PROVING to you that he’s exactlly the same. It’s hard to distance yourself enough to see it, but try your best. It is a personality flaw. And even if he can change, your relationship dynamic is broken. Move on and find someone that you NEVER have to EVER be scared of, or worried they’ll become a monster. I’ve lived through that cycle for 6.5 years and never again. It will suck but you can do it!!